the story of bob weber

i am sitting in angel falls. downloading music... not music for me... music for sarah. she got the new limited edition u2 iPod for christmas, and with that, the entire u2 collection... 447 songs. i am trying to understand... the iPod came in the mail and the excitement was so intense that she had to start the downloading. well, the time that sarah had available to download this said music spanned less time than the tracks require to be downloaded. so, here i sit, keeping the computer company as the songs file in. the current song is 164... i have been here by myself for just over an hour. we were here for 2 hours before sarah left. i am estimating about 3 more hours before it is all over. sigh.

enough to make sitting here for hours on end, doing next to nothing, completely worth while, the random man in the red plad shirt. i was sitting here, the coffee house was full, and a friendly looking 40ish gentleman with gray curly hair, bright eyes, and a warm smile sat down at the end of my table. this was just fine, i dont mind sharing my space. he pulled out his iBook and we both sat contently, not talking.

i was listening to travis on the iPod, then sarah came back in to drop off some stuff for me before she went off to work. so, i took out my ear buds, and chatted with her for a brief moment. just after sarah left, bob weber (the above mentioned gentleman) turned to me with a smile and said, "is that the new The Cure cd?" as he nodded towards a stack of my cds. being the friendly person that i am, i smiled and said, "yep, it is. it is really good too. if you want, you can go ahead and listen to it." he asked if he could download it (which i am generally very much opposed to, but for reasons i am not really sure of, i told him to go ahead). so we sat here chatting, about the cure, the new u2 iPod sitting next to me, and other random musical subjects. he asked if i like rem, i said yes, that i had just bought the new cd. so we chatted up about rem... i think he was trying to determine if i knew what i was really talking about, or if i was a poser. i must have proved myself worthy, because he divulged personal information. he works for rem... tours with them... hangs out with them... friends with michael stipe. (honestly, i thought... you have got to be kidding me... do you actually think that i am going to sit here and actually believe what is coming out of your mouth). so i humored him... or so i thought. then one of the owners of this here coffee joint walked over and said, "hey bob, when are you going on tour." holy shit!

i almost peed. i am not kidding. this was all internal mind you, i was externally very calm and composed. so bob and i kept talking. he has worked with rem since 1989. this has allowed him to get to know folks like pete yorn, joseph arthur (who is touring with rem in europe this winter), and wilco (yes, we are talking jeff tweedy and john stirrett, wilco, my favorite band, wilco!). when he asked if i was familiar with wilco, prior to talking about his having worked with them, i gushed... it went something like, "oh yeah, totally my favorite band, no contest." he seemed amused by my response, talked a bit about working with them. i said i had just bought tickets to their show yesterday, that i am super excited. his eyes shown and he smiled, "really, well, jason, the guy that runs the boards for wilco, is one of my best friends. what is your name?" i told him... he picked up his phone... pushed a few buttons, and jason was on the other end. it went something like this, "hey jason, this is bob, i am sitting here with a friend of mine that is going wilco when they are here in cleveland. her name is colleen, i told her to catch up with you at the show. i want you to give her and her friends vip treatment. she is a cool girl." FREAKING OUT! then bob and jason chatted for a minute or two about something completely unrelated to me, he hung up the phone and smiled. no joke, i could have kissed the man. i got excited like a little kid... i am sure that i should probably be embarrassed for myself, but bob seemed to love my response.

if this all really comes to pass, i am going to designate every december 29th for the rest of my life to being "Bob Weber Day." i am so excited that i can hardly contain myself. oh sweet joy. beautiful things like this make my life amazing. it is only #201... i have hours left... it is all worthwhile.

WILCO

i love this band. every time that i listen to them, i love them more. jeff tweedy is incredible, possibly one of the most beautiful people i have incountered. the lyrical depth astounds me, and the skill used musically and in recording is amazing.

if you are not familiar with wilco. you need to become so. your life will be left sadly incomplete without them.

it warms my heart. 

the beauty that is jeff tweedy

i go through phases

when i look at my life, it sometimes appears as a constant circle of recurring patterns. since i was... lets say 13... my life has been repeating itself constantly. though the circumstances and characters vary, the mental and emotional states are nearly identical. why... what is this about... does the rest of the world suffer from a similar problem?

why, you may wonder, am i thinking about this... i was thinking about certain things that i am incredibly bad at. case in point: calling people back. i am terrible at calling people back. the thing that frustrates me is that the issue isnt that i dont want to talk to the person, most times some of my best friend suffer at the end of this problem. these are the people that matter to me most, and so often i get so cought up in my own life that i never stop to remember or even think, 'hey, i really need to call this person.' days like today, i sit and ponder my issues, become frustrated with myself, and then resolve myself to address the problem. make it a point to be better about keeping in touch with certain individuals. for several weeks, or even a couple of months, i will do better. then, before i know it, it will occur to me that so and so has called me 4 times in the last week and i havent called them back. AHHH! i hate this about myself. i am sorry. i am a terrible friend at times, i know.

the phase thing is true in other areas too. smoking... major issue. i will quit for a month, 4 months, 2 days, however long, but always, it beats me. really, i beat me. my mind isnt strong enough or something... i dont know. but it frustrates me to no end. i decided last night that i need to stop smoking. so, i havent smoked all day, but i know, for a fact, that i am not going to be able to quit smoking if i am still working at alcon. it is my sanity. sad, i know.

why is this post such a ramble, i dont know, but i felt like talking. there was no one around, so i typed. all of you people out there who i have not been calling back, i am sorry. i love you. dont loose heart, someday, i will really do better.

angel falls

there is this little coffee shop 3 blocks from my apartment. i love it. though it pales in comparison to donkey, it is beautiful. it is not the perfect oasis that is drawn up in my mind, but it is an amazing coffee haven. my roomate feels likes she's in a living room. its a good thing, she says. the esspresso beverages are superb. the coffee is decent. the atmosphere is unbeatable. best of all... wireless internet... for free. now can you beat that?

Hello, friends, this is Sarah. Hope that you weren't enjoying hearing from Colleen too much, because I am taking over. That's right, I run this show. Get it straight. We use capital letters in all the right places around here. If you don't like it, than be on your way. This blog isn't for the fainthearted. So...um, now that I've said all my smacktalk, there really isn't a whole lot left. Oh, yeah, there is this: Mae and Lindsey, I really like you a lot and I've never even met you. Mae, you have a beautiful voice, and Lindsey, congrats on the hedgehog. Great talking to you. Ok.

did you know that i love my roomate? i am not sure if i have said it lately, or on here at all, but i know. she is great... so many things that i could say... i will be brief. she makes me smile... all the time... i am not kidding. i dont remember a time in my life when i have felt such pure laughter like joy because of another person. she is an amazing roomate... we balance eachother out in a way that i cant even discribe (we are so incredibly different that it baffels me sometimes). she makes me feel good about myself... this is such a huge gift in a friendship. the positive reenforcement she sends in my direction is almost contant. it makes me feel good. alright... too much... i am done now.

Merry Christmas!

a merry christmas and happy holidays to one and all! i hope that you have been having an enjoyable day. i love christmas. presents are always nice, but i dont think that the gifts have much to do with it. spending time with my family is often incredibly stressful for me, but for reasons i cant explain, that all fades away on this one day of the year. i wake up in the morning, feeling just like a little kid. this is something that i always thought that i would outgrow, that over time, as i matured, christmas would become much less exciting for me. this morning i was watching my mom open a gift and the glee on her face was classic... just like that of a little child and i realized that christmas isnt just for little kids. maybe our society trys to make youthful excitement something that is appropriate for only small children, but my mom is 51 and she lives her life more like a child than many of the children that i see today. i watched her, hoping that when i reach her age, i will still have the heart and joy of a small child. it really is a beautiful thing.

okay, sorry, enough of the sentiment. for those of you avid readers out there, i am sorry for the recent lack of blogging on my part. as is typical, i have been excessively busy, and time has not afforded me this luxury. super exciting for me! i got a laptop for christmas! arent you happy inside?! i am happy inside... you should be too. it really is quite fun.

side note: since i got a laptop, i didnt so much get any other gifts (i am not complaining, just stating), so i got to watch my mom, dad, and sister open their gifts. in the past, it might have bothered me to just sit and watch other people open presents while i opened none, but i really enjoyed it. somehow, i like giving gifts and watching other peoples enjoyment of them, almost or just as much as receiving gifts. it really is an amazing thing, gift giving... great fun. i also enjoy when moms get the gifts that they get for their kids mixed up... example: i asked for a book (it was on my christmas list... we do those in my family) called, The Greatest Stories Never Told. she opened it, and kinda made a funny face (not my sisters kind of reading) and said, "whats this?" i giggled and said, "hey, that was on my christmas list." my mom smiled sheepishly and said, "oops... sometimes i get mixed up... give that to your sister." hehe... it was funny... i love my mom.

well, now that i have succeeded in being completely random, and i am sure intirely unenjoyable, i am going to be running along. merry christmas everyone!

holiday madness...

why does the whole world find it necessary to wait until the last minute to do their christmas shopping? i have my ocasional issues with procrastination... i do understand... but really... the whole world. i may not have such issues with this, except my whole life is disturbed by the fact that it takes me twice as long to get myself anywhere (that is avoiding places such as the mall too). driving in conditions such as these causes me to say fuck far to frequently and to smoke intirely to many cigarettes. yes, not healthy. it is times like these that i dislike living in the city... what ever happened to the nice country roads that i go a smooth 70 and all i ever had to worry about were the mass amounts of deer?

my point... i screeched my tires this morning. it was amazing... driving down market st... at an already frustrating 30mph... a white chrysler mini van pulled out of the turning lane, right in front of me! what the hell! was there room between myself and the car in front of me... no! my response, apply moderate pressure to the breaks and release an expletive. then suddenly (mind you the car in front of me was moving before the white van cut me off) the white van moved its little ass out of my way, and i realized the beige mini van that had been steadily moving in front of me... was stopped! with my cat like reflexes, i slammed on the breaks, the tires began to squeal and my jeep continued to move. wow... it was in a strange way, quite a rush. i didnt hit the beige mini van... sigh of relief. then, slightly amused by the whole thing, i glanced in my rear-view mirror as i started to drive on and i saw the dual skid marks that were nearly 50 yards long. i dont know what came over me, but i began to laugh uncontrollably. well, the man in the beige mini van didnt seem to like that i had nearly rear ended him. i laughed, he glared, flicked me the bird, and i laughed even harder. oh what fun it was.

praise jesus, my jeep has been returned to me! as you may know, i was driving the red, automatic, full door, 2003 jeep, rather than my maroon, manual, half door, 1998 jeep. my life is complete again... i have my friend back and she is running better than ever. minor issue (it may not be an issue though... i am ultimately decide that i like it) it has a new muffler. my dad bought it online... sometimes he isnt the smartest shopper... it is a racing muffler. i kid you not, this thing roars like you would not believe. as if the fact that i already listened to my music far to loud before... to compensate for the new roar, the stereo is at unheard of levels. yeah, i think i might love it.

who is better?

i am in ft. thomas kentucky... yes, i know... lame... i tell mae that all the time. she attempts to justify the fact that she lives in kentucky by saying that she lives so close to the 'nati that she may as well live in the 'nati. no, it is not the same... no matter how i is looked at... mae, you live in kentucky.

moving on... there is a current debate going on about blogs, and whose is better. i have been told by several people who are regular readers of my, mae, and lyndseys blogs that have said that my blog is by far the best. i am not sure what exactly being the best entails, but i have it. mae disagrees completely, and lyndsey isnt here to say anything at all. so, it is up to all of you out there. which one is better. mine, or maes. if you arent a reader of maes blog, then check it out at www.maeklingler.blogspot.com. then give a little comment. thank you for your imput.

what to do...

as most of you are well aware, i work at a factory. it is the type of place that involves me getting excessively dirty. the cause of this dirtiness, usually grease, oil, and coolant. i run a lathe... it uses ceramic tools to cut various types of steel, hense the grease, oil, and coolant. it is not fun (although, i did get in some good reading today... 2 rolling stones, 1 spin, and part of adventure... it was quality). exactly what i do and wether or not it is fun, is not the point. the point is... i always smell. every day, i go directly from work to my apartment, and the first thing i do is shower. i am not talking the fast 2 minute shower either... i scrub. regardless of the type of soap or the lengh of washing, nothing seems to work. i step out of the shower... seemingly clean... still smelling of a funky oil/coolant blend. i dont know what to do. i cannot stand it much longer. do any of you stinky ones out there have any advice for me?

i reign supreme

though this may not interest a great deal of you in the slightest bit, i have to give a shout out to my fellow present and former starbucks (and all other far inferior coffee shop) baristas out there. (if you have just been dumbfounded by the term 'barista,' stop reading now.) i sat down at this computer with the usual routine: sign onto aim, check the email, then examine the blogs of several of my favorite people, just before delving into my own profound thoughts and insights into life. always done in random order, i happened to check maes blog last, just before coming here. i must say, it was amusing, however it was wrong. i feel that it is my duty, as the far more experienced barista, to correct that infraction. specifically, i am speaking to mae, but all of you coffee makers out there should pay special attention.

ERROR: "Starbucks Rule #1: Please, never ever ever go into a Starbucks and order anything with "french vanilla." If you do that, we laugh at you after you leave. And we tell all of our high-brow friends about you. And laugh again. Just to be snobs. It's not like the Jolly Pirate."

oh my little starbucks barista... you have so much to learn. that whole thing about french vanilla... you could not be more wrong. inform all of your fellow partners that they are all asses for laughing at someone who possibly (although, in my experience, not likely) knew what they were ordering when they ordered their beverage with french vanilla. definition: a syrup flavor that is created by combining 1/2 vanilla and 1/2 hazelnut. oh yes, my friend, it is true! similar to how toffee nut used to be a flavor before it was actually bottled as "toffee nut." in all actuality, toffee nut is a bizarre blend of vanilla, caramel syrup, and hazelnut. yes, i know, bizarre.

mae, i love you, i know that might have been a bit harsh, but sometimes the truth hurts. this education will be for your own good in the long run, and just think of how impressed all of the partners are going to be when you walk in tomorrow with this new wealth of knowledge.

it may not have been such an important issue that i needed to make such a big deal about it, but i felt that i needed to reestablish my supremacy as that ultimate starbucks barista. oh yes, lyndsey, talya, mae, all of you out there, it will take years for you to reach the pinnacle that i sit on now.

a retraction

i was informed yesterday evening that the blog titled "lost and gone forever," overexagerated and made grevious errors. it is for that reason that today, i am writing a retraction. when i was talking about the over the rhine show that i was at saturday night, i slandered the name of my roommate and good friend sarah, in regard to her response to my wanting to go out with the band, rather than going home. the truth... david was going out with the band, but he wasnt so much interested in my going along with them. in my defense, a good story is always better when it is over exagerated, and i was really drunk at the time. it did seem to me, however briefly, that david was "all about me coming along." the fact of the matter, i was probably being so loud mouthed and obnoxious at the time that no one would have wanted to go out with me, especially the band that i had just payed money to see. sometimes i live in a bit of a fantasy world.

it is important that i set the record straight and that you all understand that sarah is amazing. she is one of the best friends ever, and if the band had really wanted me to come along, she would have been in full support of making my dreams come true. all of you blog readers out there, dont think less of her, think less of me. sarah, you are super, i love you, and thank you for not letting me drive drunk.

lost and gone forever

after the several requests of a posted picture, i suppose that i can do that. i just started a new roll of film though, so it isnt going to happen until after next weekend when i finish the roll. sorry, i know i suck, i am just not going to go to that much effort. patience is a virtue my friends.

over the rhine was in town last night, for their annual holiday show here in akron. it was good, not amazing, have definitely seen better, might even be incredibly disappointed about the whole thing. it would have been more enjoyable if mae-mae was with me, but the company was good and the beer was tasty. (they blended the black and tan in my black and tan though... that irritates me). we had people over at our apartment afterwards... that was a first... a rip-roaring good time.

sometimes, the inner workings of my roommates brain patterns throw me for a loop. it was 8 o'clock yesterday evening. we should have been walking out the door, so that we could get a decent spot in the midst of the sardined people occupying the lime spider. but no, she decided that she wanted to sweep and mop the floor. first it was just her room, so i didnt say anything... i dont so much care if she mops her room, and it wouldnt have taken long enough to really annoy me by our lateness. apparently, when sarah starts to clean, she just cant stop because before i knew it, i was sweeping the hallway, bathroom, and piano room so that she could "follow me with the mop." grr. we didnt get there until almost 9 o'clock, and let me just say, our placement in the can of sardines was not good!

mild irritation. maybe i am being silly, but i feel like i am waiting for her all the time. that bothers me. so after the show, we were all milling around, talking, finishing up our drinks (or buying more of them), and people were starting to get restless, so we gathered up to leave. i asked david if he was coming over, and he said, "no, i am going to go out with the band." you all know me, i started freaking out (i do like over the rhine quite a bit). he was all about me coming along too, so i pleadingly looked at my roommate (she was the dd, so where she went, i followed), and she simply said, "no, we cant, everyone is coming over." i was crushed. i begged her, like i have never begged before, and with no remorse whatsoever, she was unwilling to compromise. i am still crushed. i had the opportunity to hang out with one of my favorite bands of all time, and like it was nothing, the whole opportunity passed me by. crushed. sarah, my friend, i love you, but you will be paying for this decision for years. in fact, i may never get over it.

a warning...

apparently, i look different. i am not sure exactly what i look different than. i just look different. i encountered a certain individual (who will remain nameless) the other day, and they seemed shocked by how "different" i look. i am not sure why this caught me so off guard, but it did. it may be that i was thrown way off by the fact that the other person that was with this certain previously mentioned individual actually said, "whoa." when they saw me. i wish that i could have some light shed on this whole situation. i am left feeling quite... i dont know... strange.

to prevent this whole issue from happening again, i have decided to update all of you on my physical appearance. i understand that this may be quite unusual but try to work with me. my name is still colleen anne rankin. i am still 5'11" tall (although, it is a constant debate... i actually think that i am 6'). i still have green eyes.

some changes: i have hair! it is shoulder length. it is colored: the base is a bit lighter brown than my natural color and there are chunky blonde highlights mixed with lightening blonde highlights throughout. i straighten it every day (i know this is a big change for me, but i am trying to branch out in my styling skills). i didnt think that i was any skinnier than the usual, but i was informed by that certain individual that i have lost quite a bit of weight. this you will just have to judge for yourself... i have no further comments on the issue. now for the big shocker... i got my nose pierced. before you all freak out... dont... it is nice... a cute little diamond stud. really, trust me, my grandma even likes it.

i feel much better, now that i have gotten that all out there. sigh. what relief to know that i wont have to deal with such an unexpected stress again. i must also add... more important than all of that physical stuff... even though i may look a bit different, i am still me. i assure you, nothing on the inside has changed.

that is all. i have nothing left to say. except... mae... i think that you are super, and i love you!

a healthy laugh

what a bizare evening i had recently. it is a good thing though. it seems like all of the bizare nights i have had in the past two months have been bad, well sunday it was a good bizare. i thought that i left all of those crazy stupid so easy to laugh at people back in the days of high school. oh was i wrong. it all began at starbucks with laura. sarah, laura, and i were going to hang out. we wanted food, and since it was sunday evening and i didnt want to spend any money, we went to my grandmas house. oh and let me tell you, that was a rip roaring good time! seriously, no, it sucked, but the food was free, so i cant complain.

just as we were getting ready to leave my drunken grandma (dont be shocked... she is drunk most of the time lately) the phone rang. so we hopped in the car, ran by my parents house real fast to say hi to my mom and pick up some banana bread, then we slowed down as we passed starbucks, threw laura out of the jeep and zipped down to uniontown at a steady 80mph. side note, my usual jeep (maroon, 1998, standard, half doors) preforms the high speed expressway traveling far better then my current jeep (red, 2003, automatic, full doors). i guess that i should have thought about that before i blew the clutch... yes... i blew the clutch, but i stand by my original statement that it had nothing to do with my driving techniques. it simply wore out.

the craziness that was the night was probably because we were hanging out with mike ferist... he is a real crazy one. so it was me, sarah, mike, tina (his wife), greg (sarahs brother), and lisa (gregs wife). we played guesstures and taboo. the teams were sarah, liza, and mike vs. colleen, tina, and greg. i have not laughed so long in i dont remember when. seriously, there was so much snorting going on. you should have seen me. half way through, between the guesstures and taboo change up, we put a little wager on the game. it was decided that the loosing team had to drive to shelas (sarah and gregs older and incredibly serious sister) house and stand at her front door singing and dancing to the YMCA. the hitch... mike had to stand in front (shela hates mike) with his shirt off (it was freezing outside). also, regardless of what team lost, greg had to run around her yard in his underware, with a bag on his head screaming, "im a looser baby, so why dont you kill me." (he and lisa bet that on the browns/bengals game... greg lost). well, my team won. so it was up to Sarah's Suckers to fulfill the bet.

i dont know that i have laughed at any single thing so hard in my entire life. it was amazing. as if mike, sarah, and lisa singing and dancing before shela at the front door wasnt enough, greg was in his underwear! so i stood there laughing at the specticle before me and then just as the laughter would subside, i would hear greg screaming in the distance, "im a looser baby, so why dont you kill me!" it was classic. oh the joy i feel inside just thinking about it. when we felt that shela was enraged enough to call the police, we ran away like little children. and then it happened... as we turned to run, lisa waved and said, "thank you." as we all laughed histerically (still running mind you), she peed. yes, lisa peed her pants.

i dont know that i fully expressed the humor of the whole evening to you, but i really felt like it needed to be shared. having times like these are so good. really, i wonder why it doesnt happen more often. circumstances like these would have been normal with those crazy friends from athens, or in high school all the time, but greg, lisa, mike, and tina are all in their mid to late 30s. both couples have 3 kids and sarah and i are significantly younger than them. it is really cool to me that old people still have fun like this. i hope that when i am 35 i still laugh hard enough to pee my pants or that i still hang out with people that make me snort when i laugh.

friends, i leave you with this. if you havent peed your pants or snorted recently, kick up your heels, get a little crazy, play some guesstures or taboo. times such as these will be unforgetable.

sometimes it consumes me.

a little mouse complained to me the other day about the trifecta blogs. it would seem that the general consensus is that it leaves the rest of the blog readers out of the loop. apparently, it isnt the nicest feeling. so, mae and lyndsey, i suppose that it is time that we stop communicating and constantly using inside jokes and other such nonsense in our blogs. i love you both, but really, we should try to think of the other readers.

i bought the new posthumously released elliot smith album last night. it is amazing, but at the same time, so incredibly depressing. i am not sure if i am feeling sad about the whole thing simply because the album really is emotionally numbing, or if it is because i just finished reading the SPIN exclusive on his life, death, and music. what a sad sad life that man lived. i actually sat there reading, feeling a tremendous sorrow for the despair that completely consumed him. so unlike me, i kept thinking, "oh if only he had found jesus." yes, like i said, so unlike me to think something like that.

back to the real issue, this mans talent overwhelms me. seriously, i would rank him right up there with the musical writing abilities of john lennon or bob dylan. in regard to this album, i have to say, it isnt my favorite. dont get me wrong, it is completely amazing and far surpasses the work of most other artists, there is just something about it that seems so not elliot smith. i want to think that it is because some of the tracks were unfinished and the cd was not layed out in the way that he would have wanted at all. it saddens me that his family released this. the people that had some of the most damaging effect on his life, ultimately made all of the decisions. it somehow just seems so wrong to me. regardless of all that, the cd is amazing. for those of you out there, my less musically inclined friends, if you have not looked into the world that is elliot smith, you need to. there is so much that you are missing out on.

i am not sure what exactly to do to correct this whole issue, but it has become far to regularly that i have been missing work. i dont know what the deal is. i had perfect attendence all summer, only missed one day (i was in a wedding.) then the end of august rolled around, my dad told me i wasnt going back to ou and everything fell apart. i barely made it through september, i took the month of october off, and i think that i have missed more work in november than i have gone. this is not good. it just seems that every time something more exciting comes along and rather than sleeping, suddenly it is 1:30 in the morning and i am not home in bed. bad news bears. if i were my dad, i think that i would fire me. granted, this is technically allowed, because i am part time and all. i am completely allowed to set my own schedule, but this is becoming semi ridiculous. hence i am sitting here writing my blog. oh well, such is life. someday, maybe i will learn.

joseph arthur... the feeling is so undescribable.

oh sweet melodies

i went to the most amazing show last night. we are talking the level of ranking right up there with guster and over the rhine. joseph arthur was the featured artist. some of you may be familiar with him from the song that he has on the oc mix 1, although, i may be the only one that is pathetic enough to buy such a cd. or you might just know who he is because he is incredible or maybe because he is from akron ohio. seriously, how much better can you get? it was at the lime spider, which i must say, my respect for this little hole in the wall is growing with every visit. every artist i have ever heard at this venue (only the featured ones though... i have heard some pretty crappy openers) has quickly become one of my favorites. well, i was not let down. the man was amazing. the things that he did vocally, musically, and technically were profound. sitting here now, i am still reeling. another positive for the experience was that i was there with people who truly appreciate good music. i loved that i could be my dorky music loving self and they were all there right along with me.

as if all of the above was not enough to make a totally outstanding evening, there is more. i bumped into several people... people that i actually wanted to see. friends from high school. friends who moved away. other friends from high school. it was just so good. oh and it was recorded... so i am one of the privledged owners of "joseph arthur live." eat your heart out.

when i paint the walls, i use the conventional method. sarah prefers to take the more artistic route... it is no wonder our apartment isnt painted yet. 

a good day at alcon?

i listened to pete yorn all day at work today. it was amazing. most days, it is difficult to listen to each cd more than once (i usually try to stretch it to 2 or 3 times). for reasons i am ussure of, today was the sort of day that the sweet melodies of pete yorn could be soaked up all day. it started with a bit of "day i forgot," then it smoothly transitioned into "musicfromthemorningafter." it was so beautiful... i cant even explain it to you. another nice thing that came along with the package... every time that i listen to the music of mr. yorn, i am filled with fond thoughts of lyndsey. so not only did i enjoy good music all day, but i was reminded of one of the greatest people in the world right along with it.

as if that wasnt enough for a good day, sarah came to work at noon and we went to lunch. can i just say, in the 6 years that i have worked at alcon tool (a job which i have sorely hated for the complete duration of that time), i have almost never felt like any of my friends cared a lick about knowing where i work or what i do there, let alone try to make the misery better by coming and taking me to lunch. sarah, however, is quite the opposite. on my birthday, we were cruising in the jeep, and she said, "hey, will you show me where you work?" i was shocked. to my further amazment, when i say random things about this job or that job that i am currently working on, she actually wants to hear about it. we are talking to the scale of, "i am not sure i really understand that, will you draw me a picture." today, she picked me up for lunch, we did the applebees thing and then when she took me back to work, she actually wanted to stay long enough to go inside. now this may seem insignificant, but if you have ever seen or smelled me when i come home from work, you would understand how amazing this is. walking inside the factory, however brief the stay may be, makes ones clothes reek, thus causing the individual to smell all day. as if smelling isnt enough, she wore the oversized, completely unattractive safety glasses. then she stood there seemingly interested in what i was talking about... even wanted a demonstration. all i have to say is, sarah, thank you for showing interest in such a seemlingly unimportant part of my life. you have no idea how good it makes me feel that you care where i spend 52.5 hours of my week.

drawing a blank

do you ever forget how much you really love someone? i do... all the time. it is not as though i forget why i love someone or that i do at all, i just forget how much. on one of those days... like today... suddenly... it all comes rushing back. example: when lyndsey johnson (to me she will always be johnson... the whole teter transition isnt going to work for me) makes statements like, "I have the ability to breathe life into something that may be otherwise heard and forgotten...." this may seem insignificant to many, but it sums up so many of the reasons that i love lyndsey so much. really the statement isnt amazingly funny or entertaining, but i sat here and laughed and than was overwhelmed by the warm feelings that i have for this friend. (sorry, that may have been incredibly sappy.) and then mae says things like, "People that will always be in the top 10 on my speed dial: the Lynzer, Gracie, Colleen, and probably seven other people." it just makes me feel good. sometimes, knowing that i have friends like this makes me want to pee. i cant help it.

note to self... and all those of you out there who might be as stupid as i am: never ask your roommate a question like, "do you ever feel like you are living a double life?" yeah, i guess that was bad. for those of you who know me well, it is often hard to determine where thoughts like this come from. often times, i sit thinking about random things, reflecting over issues of myself. then i feel inspired (for reasons i dont know) to ask or talk about it with whomever is nearby. apparently, this is a bad idea. regardless of what i do to try to intro the question and establish that i am not suggesting something and that nothing more than what i am saying should be read into it, i am always taken the wrong way. why is it that the inner workings of my brain make so much sense to me, but they are so confusing and bizarre to everyone around me?

if i do my roommates laundry and i find money in the washer after the cycle has finished running, do i get to keep it? if it were a large sum of money, naturally, i would give it to her, but what if it is say, $4? that sounds like a reasonable tip for doing someone elses laundry... is that wrong?

when they tell you on a prescription that you shouldnt consume alcohol with this medication... they are serious. i am taking this stuff called bioxin for my sinus infection and it is one of those particular drugs. last night, i was sitting around my apartment chatting it up with my roomie, and i was feeling like a beer. i thought about the whole medication thing and decided that it would be fine... i didnt have anywhere to drive. so, i had a (meaning 1) beer and it totally threw me off because it felt as though i had just finished my 4th beer. it was weird... definately had the whole chatty cathy thing going on... out of control. also interesting... i thought the buzz would go away in like 30 minutes. oh no, it lasted like 2 hours. i am not sure if i should be worried, but i am drinking tonight. it was preplanned, not something that i can just change. if 1 beer did that to me, i am not sure how i am going to handle the 6 or so that i will probably consume this evening. hmmm.

that is all. sorry about the lengthiness, i just cant seem to keep them any shorter. is that a problem?

mae-mae

she is one of my favorites. as i sit here pondering what to write, the memories come rushing back, then i start laughing in the middle of the fairlawn library (and i wonder why so many people think that i am strange). mae and i have had some good times. she is one of those friends that you would spend your whole life looking for and be lucky if you ever found her. she is like a rock... you may wander all around in life, but just knowing that that rock will always be sitting where you left it, as stable and as unbreakable as ever... that is mae.

i am going to spend the rest of this post saying lots of nice things all about mae, so if you dont want to hear it, than i suggest that you stop reading now.

she always knows the best ways to challenge me. i feel like she looks at me and sees the good that i am not always able to find, than she lovingly points me towards that, even when she knows that i dont want to hear it or see it.

she is capable of being honest with me, about me, on a level that no other person has ever successfully been. i am not quite sure how, but she definately says stuff to me that no other person would get away with saying... at least not without a massive amount of screaming from my direction.

she loves me when i am uncapable of loving myself. on those days when i feel like things could not get worse, and i am feeling like i am unable to do anything right, mae is always there to encourage me.

mae has the ability to make me laugh possibly more than any one else i know. wether i am laughing with her or at her, there is never a dull moment.

i am never left wondering what mae is thinking or feeling. some people beat around the bush with their emotions... i never have to wonder if i am responding properly to her. if she wants to talk, i know it. if she wants me to listen, i know it. if she wants to be by herself, i know it.

when i need a friend, mae is always there. i am never left feeling judged or condemned. i know that i can probably say or do anything, but that will not change the way mae feels about me. she loves me and supports me through think and thin.

even when i am a shitty friend, mae is still there when i recover. when necesessary, she will call me out on it, even though the entire conversation may suck for both of it. really though, mae and i communicate on this whole different level. the other day, she called me and said... i need to talk to you about something and you need to not get mad at me. i took a breath, said okay, and she let it out. amazingly enough, we sat there and talked about it like two intelligent people. with most others, i would have been pissed, but i knew that mae was speaking out of love, so it was okay. i was challenged and it was hard... but i know that only a real friend would even stop and take the time to care.

i love listening to mae play and sing. seriously... i could sit for hours... it makes me feel so good inside. most of all, i love it when she plays her new songs for me... before anyone else gets to hear them... it makes me feel special. that girl has talent, amazing talent.

i can be myself... all the time. this may seem insignificant, but to have the ability to let all of my walls down... huge gift. even better, i feel like mae understands me. i have other friends who i can let me walls down around, but there is always a certain wondering of why i am the way that i am. mae never tells me that i should wear make-up when we go out, or that i should wear this shirt instead of the one that i have on. it is like she gets the inner workings of myself. i miss that.

mae appreciates my handiness. i used to be ashamed about this part of myself, then mae came along and compared me to macgyver... that is like the coolest thing to me.

when mae and i havent talked for a while, i know that i can call her up and there will be no strangeness. we dont have to do that whole catching up thing. it is almost as though we are still back in athens, sitting in our house, she is downstairs and i am upstairs. i love that.

she is always quick to forgive. mae accepts an appology better than almost anyone i know. the thing that i love though is that she doesnt just take it. she talks to you about it. when mae says that she forgives me, i know that it is true.

quality time with mae is like a walk outside on a sunny day. it just makes me feel so good about myself. there is nothing better than a good movie and a trip to the purple chop stix with mae-mae.

i think that i could go on like this for forever, so i am going to draw this to a close. the bottom line... mae, i love you. i miss you. you are one of the best friends that i will ever have and i wouldnt trade you in for anyone.

they are always making trouble... in the living room and everywhere else.

i said it first

for those of you who are readers of my blog as well as mae klingler's i feel that there is a bit of explanation that needs to happen. previously, i was just fine with not explaining myself, but in a recent phone conversation with my good friend mae, she dissed me for making the same introductory statement in my blog as she has on her blog. if you were a member of the 20 monty family, you know of what i speak. if you werent privleged enough to be a part of our family, i will shed some light on the situation.

the quote "you cant always be happy with what is going on in the living room" is mine. i made this statement to one lyndsey johnson while driving in the car from athens to columbus this past spring quarter. well lyndsey was quite amused with the phrase, so she kept the saying alive. it was something that was remembered at different times for each of us. example: when mae and lyndsey were goofing around in the living room (which happened quite frequently) and annoying the rest of the house, it was understand that the annoyed parties would remember that "you cant always be happy with what is going on in the living room" and either deal with it, or leave the room. in the case that the annoyed party was unable to remember this, mae was often found with a broad smile and a little giggle, followed by, "well, you cant always be happy with what is going on in the living room." than she would continue on her merry little annoying way. (mae, i love you, i am just trying to make a point).

it would seem that mae attached herself to the phrase in much greater ways than i had originally thought, because at the height of its life in our house, she posted it at the top of her newly created blog (which incidentally is generally quite entertaining and you should check it out if you havent already maeklingler.blogspot.com). this would have been fine with me, except, she didnt give me credit for it... it was after all, originally my quote... it was created deep in the juices of my inner brain. all that i wanted was something like "You cant always be happy with what is going on in the living room. -Colleen Rankin" it doesnt have to be a big deal, just a little recognition. but no! mae said that i was being stupid... that is didnt matter... it is just a little statement... not even a big deal (which is really true, i just like making a big deal out of nothing). ultimately, i got nothing. the quote is still there, and still, all readers are left thinking that she made it up, rather than me.

so i created my own blog and i used my own quote at the top. it isnt necessary that i give myself credit because it is on my blog! when mae stumbled upon it, she laughed and said that it was rather lame that i felt it necessary to use the same ideas that she has already exhausted. that may be the case, but i will not rest until the credit that is due is given to me. so i say to you mae klingler... you may think that you are getting away with it, but i know the truth! and i know that someday, justice will be served.

yikes... how lame am i that i just wrote an entire blog on something so ridiculous. oh well, i guess that is the whole point of the blog itself.

every year it kills me

i am sick. it feels like i am sick more often than most people... i dont understand. i thought that when i quit smoking, my health would improve, since my immune system is better when not smoking and all. well, whoever told me that was wrong. i feel like i have had a cold since i quit smoking, than sarah started to get sick, and now i am sick. i feel like i got run over by a semi... not to be confused with what it feels like when i get run over by a bread truck (that is the hung over type of feeling). my head hurts, my throat is sore, my eyes hurt, the sinus' are throbbing, my body aches, i sound like a dying cow, and i am coughing, and worst of all, i cant sleep anymore. so i dragged my butt out of bed and i am here at the liberary... checking the email and blogging.

side note: i got a new phone, so if you try to call me at my old number you will not reach me. i sent out a mass email, but i am not sure that i got it to everyone that i wanted to. if you want me new number, than drop me an email and i will send it to you. my email address (just in case you dont have it) is beautifulcolleen@hotmail.com. rather than just posting my telephone number on the net, i am doing it this way. i will not reply to your email if you are just some random person who wants me phone number. i am a verizon user now, so all of you who have had to suffer with trying to talk to me while i was in my apartment. i am sorry. the bad connection and constant breaking up will no longer be a problem.

back to this sickness thing. i wonder what it is that causes people to be more prone to getting sick. i am not kidding... every fall, i dread it, than i am plagued by whatever the common cold is until about march... sometimes even further into the spring. is it possible that the constant severity of my allergies adds to my seseptability? if that is the case, thank you, grandma, for the outstanding genes you have passed along to me. seriously, i dont know what to do anymore. i take the vitamins and all, but nothing seems to stop the germs. i am going to create a platic bubble to put over my head... maybe that would work.

should i be worried?

someone burglarized my apartment. i dont know when or how, but we were definitely robbed. i would like to say that they "broke into my apartment" but the strange thing of it all is that everything was locked. nothing was out of place. it looked as though no one had been there. this doesnt make sense to me. what makes even less sense is that they didnt take anything that was really worth a lot of money, which is probably why i didnt notice that anything was missing until yesterday.... although, i am pretty sure that it all happened on friday, sometime between when i went to my parents to do laundry and when i got home on friday night. they took my "work book bag" (this may seem insignificant, but it is the sadist part of the whole story), my tub of change, and about 100 and some odd dollars in cash from sarah's room. that was all... not the tv, ps2, vcr, stereo, espresso machine, or even the $4000 keyboard. (all this would have been valued as up to about $5500) instead they took about 50 bucks worth of change, some cash, and a $100 book bag that had a $50 discman, about $180 worth of cd's, and a nalgene bottle. (a value of only $488) see how it just doesnt make any sense.

i guess that we should consider ourselves pretty lucky, right, it could have been much worse. but what do i do now? should i be worried, because amazingly, i am not at all. i am sort of feeling like it was probably someone that we know, and even if it wasnt, i guess that they needed the stuff more than i did. something that makes me really sad is the Jimmy Eat World Bleed American cd. it was in my book bag. if you are familiar with J.E.W. you know that this cd was released on sept. 1, 2001, than after 9/11 it was pulled from the shelves because the title was "offensive/questionable." well, jimmy eat world used to be my favorite band (and still is one of my favorites), so i bought the cd the day it was released, on sept. 1st as the originally titled "Bleed American." since it was pulled and rereleased as simply "Jimmy Eat World," the original is a sort of collectors item and worth quite a bit of money, therefore totally not replaceable. so yes, i am sad, very sad. in fact, i may never fully recover. if any of you out there have a copy of bleed american that you want to give to me, it might be a step in the right direction towards recovery. if you want to donate to help replace any of the rest of these items, please, feel free.

crazy nights

what a night i had last night. sometimes i wonder why on the nights where craziness and bizarre circumstances might be appropriate (works with the time schedule and all) there never is craziness, but on the nights when you need to go to bed early because you have to wake up for work at 5:20am, there is so much craziness that you can only get 2 hours of sleep. yes, well that happened to me last night and needless to say, i didnt go to work today.

it all started with the phone call from mae... this was a happy thing. now that mae and i are in separate cities, the biweekly chat has become our quality time. so it is important to me, and staying up a bit later than normal because of it is very worth while. it might be said that it was a happy night, than sarah came home. thursday nights are "posh night" for sarah and her work people (posh is a club in downtown akron, which incidentally i hate), so she was just going to be home for the brief time that would be necessary to get ready.

a little background... i quit smoking 2 months ago. well, this week hasnt been so good in that department. friday night i smoked 5 cigarettes when i was out with friends. yesterday at work, i smoked 3 cigarettes, and than after work, i went and bought a pack. this to me is an indication that i am officially smoking again. sarah is not so down with the colleen smoking thing, which is good, so i wasnt really looking forward to the confrontation that would come of her finding out that i am smoking again. she knew about friday, but because of the conflict i wanted to avoid, i decided yesterday that i wasnt going to tell her i started again, i was just going to let her find out when she did. than, sometime during the course of my talk with mae, i decided that i should just tell sarah and deal with however she might respond.

in the brief time that she was home before angela (her friend) came over, i told her. amazing, she responded very well, but i didnt. talking about it made me incredibly disappointed in myself and the fact that this seems to happen nearly every time i try to quit smoking. so i stopped talking and just sat really depressed with myself. than angela came over, and i succeeded in being a complete ass to sarah (because i was pissed with myself for smoking, not because she did anything wrong), than they left. it was however only after angela drank 4 of my beers. we are not talking cheap domestics either... it was Newcastle... she drank 4 of my Newcastles! if you know me at all you know that this is far from okay in the world of colleen.

finally, at 12:30 when they left, i went to sleep. this would give me just under 5 hours of sleep, which isnt really fun with the 10.5 hour work day, but it is doable. than, at 3am, i was woken by a wasted angela stumbling through my apartment, sarah trying to get her to be quiet, and angela yelling about who knows what. yes, unfun. so i got out of bed to see what the commotion was all about. sarah proceeds to explain that angela is too drunk to drive home, so she is going to sleep at our apartment. than suddenly, sarah realizes that angela has passed out in her bed and she has no where to sleep. calmly, i say she can just sleep on the fouton (fine), than she realizes that a drunk person is in her bed, and drunk people often throw up. essentially, she is freaking out. being the pro that i am when it comes to drinking and handling drunk people (no i am not proud of that), i sat and chatted with her about the whole situation. things were calming down, than angela started to throw up... not good. so sarah is freaking out again, and i am trying to bring peace to the massive confusion. finally, at 4:30, when i am going to bed, i realize that i have to be awake for work in less than an hour, which would have given me a total of just over 3 hours sleep. this is not enough, i would have risked cutting my hand off or something of the sort (i work in knife factory), so i called in and said i wouldnt be there. now this may seem like a fun and exciting thing to not have to go to work, but it definitely cost me $150.

i woke up sarah at 8:45 this morning (her alarm clock was in her room), drank some coffee, than helped her get angela's half-sober ass up and out of our apartment. before she left, angela took the sheets off sarahs bed and put them in a trash bag so that we could wash them. so here i am, sitting at my parents house doing laundry. i put the sheets in before starting my own laundry so that they wouldnt smell up the entire basement, and it was then that i realized that not only did she throw up all over the sheets, she definitely peed all over them too. as if dealing with all of that last night wasnt enough, now my hands now smell like vomit and piss (yes, i have washed them several times, but it wont freaking go away!)

the only positive outcome of the whole evening is that i got rid of the cigarettes. seeing angela like that reminded me of how i used to be when my life was in that same sort of state (however, i was never that bad). smoking has always been something that leads my life in bad directions, so i knew that if i started again it would be the first step at moving back towards that. so they are gone, i am done, and back on the road of not smoking.

i am not sure what the moral of this whole story is, but i think that there is a lesson to be learned here somewhere. i end with 2 things... (1) be careful, becoming an alcoholic is easier than you know, and (2) dont drink and drive, it is stupid.

lyndsey is sad that poopoo bush won too! 

what happened ohio?

prior to election day, i knew that our nation had some big problems. now, however, i realize things are far worse than i had imagined. i woke up on tuesday morning ready to vote, feeling very satisfied with my desision to vote for john kerry. i went to work, and based on the random radio exit polls, it seemed as though the votes were leaning in my (or really kerrys) favor. despite my complete exhaustion after work, i dragged my butt out to granger township and punched the neccessary holes, checked for chads, got my "I voted today!" sticker, and went home, feeling like my vote was in fact going to make a difference. wednesday morning, i woke up, and slowly as the morning progressed, my hopes were shattered. really, it was bad enough that kerry lost and we are going to have to suffer through another four years of the ignorant dumb ass that is george w bush, but to make my wounds more painful, he won more popular votes than any candidate has in any other election... in history... ever... we are talking since 1776! i am baffled... how could this have happened?

making matters worse, i have have to buy laura dinner, because stupid me bet her that kerry would conquer and bush would suck it up big time. but no, he lost, i have to buy dinner, and deal with her rubbing the lose in my face. now is that really neccessary... i would never had done such a thing if my candidate had won. all those damn republicans. grr.

my life.

what a stress my life has become. i must apologize to all of you who have been looking for new blogging entries. i have been quite busy. now that my life should be slowing down, i am going back to work. yes, i am going back to the factory. the whole starbucks plan hasnt quite flowed as i had planned, but i am not counting it out completely. i just need to go back to work in the meantime. a girl like me can only last so long with no income. tomorrow morning at 6 am, i will once again be back to filling my steel toed boots and the lovely roll that i play at alcon tool company. yay for me!

i did it. i am totally moved out... or moved in, pending on how you want to look at it. i am now officially a happy resident of Highland Square. oh what a pleasant life it is. i have spent hundreds of dollars... investing in ones own apartment is far more expensive than i had thought. really, i wish that someone had warned me... at least given me a heads up or something. despite that, it is pure bliss. i am not fully settled. there is a butt load of stuff that still needs done, and bought, sarah still hasnt moved in, but i am happy. i think my mom is going to have a nervous breakdown though... sheesh... you would think that i have never lived away from home or something.

to those of you that i have neglected in the past several crazy weeks of my life. i am sorry. give it another month and i will be right back into the swing of things. until than, dont expect much from me. and for those of you avid blog readers, bear with me. i no longer have a computer, so the blogs are not going to be quite so frequent. i am sure that you can find something better to do anyhow.

wallpaper.

tomorrow, we are having a painting party at our apartment. so today was cleaning day. you know, the usual pre-paint cleaning... wipping down baseboards, cleaning windows, washing walls, oh and yes, removing wallpaper. whoever invented wallpaper should be shot. really, i dont understand the reasoning behind it... is the point simply to have little patterns on ones wall? now, i might not have such a huge problem with this method of decor if one could either paint over the wallpaper or remove it in some ridiculously easy fashion.

this morning arrived with a buzzing alarm, and the realization that the wallpaper removing could not be put off any longer. i had removed wallpaper before, it is not fun, and i was fully prepared. or so i thought i was fully prepared. initially, i thought that the wallpaper itself was bad, oh but it got so much worse. apparently, certain other previous tenants of my apartment had the same dread of wallpaper removal as i have. rather than facing their fears, they simply decided to wallpaper over the existing paper, or better yet, just painting over the wallpaper! when i say certain other previous tenants, you might think i mean one or 2... maybe even 3 or 4. no, no, we are talking like 10 to 15 of the past tenants. basically every person who has lived there since 1914. interestingly enough, in several places it appeared as though another brave soul wanted to redecorated and so they attempted to remove the paper. it would seem, though, that they didnt have the strength to finish the race, because some places only had 2 or 3 layers, while others, like behind the stove and refrigerator had layers that were nearly an inch thick. lets just say, the wall that was eventually found is not in what you might call, good shape.

what is it with old houses/apartments. i have lived in or frequented several, and every time i encounter one, i run into the same thing. the walls are all wavy. what is that about? does plaster settle over the years, or were the people that laid the plaster just incompetent? i am baffled. oh, and i broke the window. it was getting a little smelly of pinesol and melting glue, so i opened some windows. apparently i dont know my strength, because the frame of one just came off in my hands. again... the issues of living in an old place. really though, it is all worth it.

are you supposed to paint crown molding, or are they supposed to be left matching the baseboards? i thought that it was the latter, but i am not sure... do you know? so i finished the kitchen, but because of the unexpected difficulties i found, the bathroom is untouched. it is so nice to have something so exciting to look forward to doing tomorrow. and... i just discovered that the paint that is currently in my room (which needs to be painted tomorrow) was painted over preexisting wallpaper. i really do wonder what is wrong with people. the question, do i take the time to remove it, or do i just paint over the paint that is over the wallpaper?

random musings

i dont understand the phases that my life goes through. there will be a spell that is pretty uneventful, my life is what one would call "normal" not too exciting and not too boring. then, suddenly, my life spirals into great commotion and turmoil. now this turmoil is not always the bad kind, but everything just happens all at once. example... why is every concert that i could possibly want to go to in november? i wish that all my favorite artists would coordinate ohio visits with each other, so that i dont have to spend all the money at once and attempt to squeeze them all into my busy schedule. dont they know that their world is supposed to revolve around me?

well friends, i am going with poor and happy. yesterday, i took the first step in my attempts to get my job at Starbucks back. keep your fingers crossed... i should have a final answer in the next week. if the whole Starbucks plan doesnt work, than i am considering applying at a little coffee shop in Highland Square (my new apartment is here too) called Angel Falls. and if that option doesnt work, than i will probably try to get a job at some other Starbucks besides the great Starbucks Fairlawn (my old store).

i am not really sure what happened, but i get the little room now. if you remember, last week i blog-ed about the giant room that i would be occupying in my new apartment and my inability to fill it with stuff. well, since i have no stuff and my space saving loft bed, i made a command decision and gave sarah the big room because she has a giant bed and tons of stuff. i suppose that i am pretty okay with this new room, but the carpet is terrible. oh well, i will survive.

y'all have a fabulous weekend. hopefully, i will make it out of steaming off wall paper, cleaning, taping off, and painting, all in one piece. welcome to the madness that will be my life for the next week. oh what fun!

poor and happy, or rich and sad?

i have been having this tremendous inward struggle. i hate my job, and i just dont know what to do about it. the emotional and psychological stress that this job causes me has been a lot to handle. in fact, i took the month of october off because i felt like i was going to have a nervous breakdown. you may wonder why i continue to work this job. well, the pay is quite lovely, and i get every weekend off. i just wonder if the money is worth the stress that i suffer because of it. my life during the week becomes nonexistent. i work 52.5 hour weeks, i stink all the time, and i am the only female on the premises. after a while, it just really becomes to much. so i ask myself the question. which is better... to be poor and happy, or rich and sad?

before i used to think that rich and sad was better, but lately, poor and happy has become much more appealing to me. the immediate option before me is to go back to starbucks. now there are pluses and minuses here. i love making coffee, and quite honestly, i am really good at it, but all the pricks that store #2301 has to offer just becomes a bit much for me. overall, i guess that i much preferred working for starbucks, but i dont know if i can handle going back after walking away. there is just a sense of failure in that to me. maybe i am being silly, and i need to get over it, and make a decision that is going to be healthy for me.

a wise person once told me that i need to make choices that are best for me. so i am leaning towards poor and happy. what do you think? seriously people, i could use some advice here.

oh sweet jingle.

yes, that is right. i signed the papers and i was handed the keys. my own keys... for my own apartment! i cannot begin to express the joy i am feeling within. all the bitter has gone and all i am left with is sweet. it is strange to have house keys. i am not really sure what to do with them. locking the house and taking the keys out of the car is just foreign to me. hopefully these patterns of my past sheltered life will not be a problem for me in the future.

sad thing. i called my dad after the lease signing was all over (he and my mom are on vacation), to tell him all the details. he seemed satisfied with everything i told him. than he asked when i was moving in. since we are painting on sunday, i told him that i would probably move in next weekend. amazing... he did not like that answer. his response, "that just isnt going to work for me, i would rather if you moved out on monday right after you finish painting." gee thanks dad... there is nothing like a swift kick in the ass to get your kid out the door.

the overuse of toilet paper.

i have recently, or maybe not so recently, developed an ever increasing pet peeve. i really am trying, but i just dont understand why people use so much toilet paper. now when i say people, i am referring mainly too my sister, and the occasional other individual here and there (such as sarah wagler). you may find it sad that i am even sitting here talking about such an "issue," but it is really starting to disrupt my life.

the whole situation just flabbergasts me. my sister and i share a bathroom. our houses preferred choice of toilet paper is charmin ultra, and i know that there may be less toilet paper on the roll than the average one ply, but come on. i swear she finishes a roll in like two days, tops, and please, keep in mind, i am almost never home so the excess use cant be blamed on me.

you may think that this seems normal, but it really isnt. i used to live in a house with four other girls, and i am almost positive that we could make a roll of the same charmin ultra last at least three days. this is why i am left so stupified. and yes, maybe you are right, i shouldnt really care how much toilet paper my sister uses. honestly, i dont, the problem i have with the whole situation is that she finishes the roll and never gets a new one out of the cupboard. this leaves me with obvious problems. in the rare case that she does change the TP, somehow it ends up being the last roll in the cupboard, in which case she doesnt run her butt down into the basement and get a new package!

maybe i am looking at this the wrong way. it is possible that my pet peeve isnt so much about how much toilet paper one chooses to use. it would seem rather, that my sister is my real pet peeve. i suppose that the truth will come out when i move in with the other abusive TP user. stay tuned for further updates.

people are too much...

i was sitting here earlier and i had an epiphany, which lead me into what was possibly the most profound blog i have ever or will ever write. i was writing my closing remarks and suddenly... the electricity went out! now, what may as well be days later, the electricity is back and the thoughts that were there have vanished. i am left with nothing but bits of my former greatness. rather than try to reattempt what was, i am going to go in a whole different direction. i am going to vent.

i often wonder why people and the things they do or say so rarely make sense to me. is the problem that i am amazingly brilliant thus making the actions of all of the far inferior individuals around me seem illogical, or am i just stupid, lacking all common sense, thus leaving me confused by all of the genius' around me? where is this coming from you might ask...

drinking and driving. that is the answer. why, why, why do people do this?! i really just do not understand. seriously people, we all know how much we can drink and still legally be driving home. with this in mind, i am left wondering why it is that i always find myself having to deal with driving my drunk ass (pardon my french) friend home! now dont get me wrong, i would rather drive them home than have them drive themselves home, i just dont like the convincing that it takes to get them to allow me to drive them home. i am sick of hearing statements like "no really, i am fine to drive home. it will be fun, like playing a video game. all i have to do is stay inside the lines." i am not kidding, my friend actually said that to me last night.

i really feel that the best option is not getting drunk, but if you are feeling the need, and yes we all do sometimes, than do what is necessary to assure your safety and the safety of the rest of the drivers in the world. before you go out, call up a friend and do the car pool thing. all that it requires is a little bit of pre-drunken thinking. i know that this might be a lot to ask, but please, if you are incapable of doing it for yourself, than do it for the people that care about you.

thank you for listening. that was a productive vent, i am feeling much better.

too much space

well kids, it seems as though i am finally moving out. technically speaking, i guess that one could say i have already done this... going off to school and all. i would have to disagree. going to school is going to school. when you leave home after high school to attend college in a distant land, your parents house is always what you call home. though you might have your own place at school, it is always just a temporary thing.

aside from the brief sabbatical that i took in Athens last spring quarter, i have been living at home for over a year, and i cant stand it any longer. that is right, i am packing up my room, taking my things and moving out! the apartment has been obtained and the lease will soon be signed. aside from having to share it with sarah, it will be all mine! i will have my own shelf rotating refrigerator, my own table, my own stove, my own furniture, and my own freaking roll of toilet paper! (yes, sarah will use the toilet paper too, but she will replace it after she finishes it. oh, and she will flush the toilet after she uses it!) what a joyous thing it will be.

there seems to be only one problem. my bedroom is huge! filling all this space may have been easy if i had a queen size bed, or a giant desk or something, but no. i have my wonderful self-designed, hand made, twin size loft bed, and the little desk that fits quite nicely underneath it. so the question is, what am i going to do with all of this space? help me here. give me some of your own profound thoughts and insights into the best way to fill my room.

johnson is always causing problems

it has come to my attention that lyndsey johnson (aka lyndsey teter) has the same blog template as was previously seen here on my site. it is for this reason that i have selected a new template. as exciting as this new one is, i am just not satisfied. the old one seemed to represent me so well. so yet again, johnson is causing problems and forcing me to rearrange my life, and i have to say, i dont so much appreciate it. i thought that issues such as these were supposed to go away when people live in different cities? oh well, i guess that i will just have to get over it.

never allow someone to be a priority in your life when you are only an option to them.
-quote stolen from Gretchen Linscott

sometimes i get mean

since i can remember i have always had the problem of taking games far to seriously. i guess you could say that i get a little competitive. this was always fine in playing sports because everyone gets a little bit out of control. recently, i have really been noticing that i get really worked up in any sort of game where someone will eventually end up the winner. cards, bowling, board games, and pool are always problems.

well things have finally gone too far. last night i was playing a "friendly" game of pool at Arnie's with my good friends laura and sarah. laura sucks at pool so she never seems to phase me, but before long i found myself screaming at sarah. i am not exactly sure what causes this to happen. maybe it is the beer talking, or the fact that she cheats, or maybe it is because i was loosing. whatever the reason, i think that i really need some help. do any of the rest of you with a similar problem have any advice?

i end with this. laura i am sorry that you had to suffer through that entire experience, but if you ever say that i am a "sucky, shoddy pool player" again i might have to punch you in the face. sarah i am sorry that i was such a meany, but i have to say, cheaters never win, and i really did win that game!

this picture was definately taken in 2001. laura is kissing the camera and sarah is the scary one in the front there.

the drug that is caffeine

i have this problem. i am addicted to caffeine. sometimes i ponder this problem and think that i really should attempt to do something about it. other times, i am actually quite happy with my addiction. i imagine how it could be worse than it really is. my case could be such as that of the high school teacher who is fondly remembered for her addiction to Diet Coke. i like to think that there is something more "cool" or "exciting" in being addicted to coffee.

every morning, i wake up and it is the first thing that i think about. the rare days that the morning ritual of a pot of jet black Starbucks Guatemala, the triple grande vanilla skim latte, or the double tall skim no whip toffee nut latte is skipped, i feel like my entire life is out of whack. even worse, my head feels as though it is being squeezed in a vice. people used to ask us Starbucks baristas, past and present, what it is that starbucks puts in their coffee to keep people coming back day after day. well my friends, i have the answer...

an extra dose of caffeine and a smile. oh yes, dont be fooled. you like starbucks so much more than the other java joints because there is more of the addictive drug that is caffeine. so please, before you all end up like me, take some time and think about what you are ordering. forget about that extra shot... you dont really need it, and make your best attempt to keep your coffee intake to once a day. i know that this may be rough for those of you who are already following in my footsteps, but please, stop while you still have a chance!

ain't she cute

i dont know how this happened

i really don't know how i get myself into these places. from the beginning i have said that the whole idea of "blog" is strange. why do people find it so necessary to post their lives on the internet? sadly, i have changed my opinion on the issue. there is something nice about being able to check up on my friends in far and distant places. reading their thoughts and musings is like connecting with a little piece of who they are... all those things that are missed so much.

so i give tribute to mae klingler for assuring me that my desire to start my own blog is really okay. i hope that you will find great joy and humor in what i share in the future and that you are not left sorely disappointed. and if you hate it, blame the girl in the picture directly above.