life decisions.

I am busy. Also, not busy. Will I eventually reach an age or state of mind that will allow me to stop being distracted? It really seems to be a problem, but at the same time, many would probably say that I spend far too much time studying, so maybe it isn't a problem at all.

I have recently been spending quite a bit of time thinking about my future. Over Christmas break, I am going to Macedonia. I will be in St. Petersburg in June and Moscow in July. I have to take LSATs and GREs in the fall when I come back home (or possibly in May before I leave). It appears that I will be graduating in May of 2009 (finally). Hence, I am considering my options.

My options include: International law J.D. degree from Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland State University, or the University of Akron (i.e. become a lawyer and stay in the home region for further education) or International/Comparative politics M.A. from Georgetown, American University, or George Washington University (i.e. become a political genius and move to Washington D.C. for further education). Regardless of the degree I receive, I will most likely pursue a job with a Non-Governmental Organization (NGO, i.e. Amnesty International, Human Rights Watch), an Inter-Governmental Organization (IGO, i.e. UN), or with a think tank (i.e. USIP, CSIS).

What are your thoughts? Seriously, I know that it all seems like babble, but I really could use your input... even if there is no rational basis for your opinion.

Kak dyela?

When will the grass stop growing? I am tired of mowing the lawn. Although, I guess that the next phase of seasonal outside work is plowing the snow. Hmm. Maybe I like the lawn better. Nevermind.

The new school semester has brought many exciting observations and changes. When attempting to fix a broken iPod, it may be easier to purchase a new one than to recycle (fix) the beloved old one. I am a firm believer of "newer is not always better," so this has been quite difficult for me. The situation has not yet been resolved. We will see if my old friend makes the cut.

It appears that my computer had been dealing with congestive heart failure (CHF) for quite some time. He suffered from a massive heart attack at approximately 1:30pm EST on Wednesday. He has been in the ICU since that time. The doctors are still unsure if he is going to make it. He and I have been through a lot, and I will be sad to see him go, but I am excited about the prospects.

I discovered Wednesday evening that when God was passing out brothers I got a really good one. Quite honestly, I am a bit sad that it has taken me so long to realize this bit of happiness. When my computer flashed the "blue screen of death" my brother responded just the way a brother should. There was positive support via the telephone and then direction for the necessary action. To top it all off, he provided me with a loaner laptop. Without him I would have been lost or at least having a nervous breakdown. I am thinking that he is great. Maybe this is to make-up for the lapse of brotherly action when I ran into the cement wall. What do you think?

Lastly, let it be known to all that the professors from the former Soviet Union (in this case Kazakhstan) are very scary. I am not sure if I should laugh or cry. I make note of this so that you can do your best to avoid them.

All is well here on the farm.

Do svidaniya!

today, in the news...

Being that the month of August is almost complete, I felt it appropriate to blog. I assure you that this blog will be very uninteresting, as I will detail the most recent events of my life.

The last month or so has been a time of great excitement, busy-ness, boredom, and adventure. I took a class in logic. It was mostly awful, and seemed very illogical, but I had a sort of strange fondness for my classmates, and I ended up with an A. I suppose that it was time well spent.

Talya graced Akron with her presence for a week of vacation. There was fun had by one and all. We took weekend trips to Athens and Bangs, which were both time well spent. I saw the new Baker Center and was almost brought to tears by the Front Room. (Talya told me to pull myself together, and all was well). I bought cashew butter at the Mt. Vernon farmers market, and had the worst "there are no hills" run of my life.

In a second trip to Bangs, I shot my first real gun (a shotgun and a handgun). Thanks, to Lyndsey and Seth for hosting, and thanks to Lin for supplying the tools. This was great fun, aside from the ridicule and disbelief over my never having shot a gun before. Apparently, there is something about me that would lead people to believe that I have been shooting guns for years.

Gomez (the hedgehog) was finally disposed of. He was returned to the breeder and has since successfully found a new home. It was harder to send him away than I thought it would be, but I am glad that he can be a happy hog. I played paintball again. I think that it will be a new fun thing to do. My paint-balling skills need honed, but I can hold my own with the big boys. However, I need to work the bruises. My left boob and left buttock suffered greatly. It seems that the bad ones take about a month to heal, so as soon as these ones are all better, I will be going to get some new ones. It may sound crazy, but if you had ever done it, you would do it too.

I saw Modest Mouse. I mowed the lawn. I worked at the factory. I visited Matt and Lyndsey's lovely house in Firestone Park and had some "grandma like" casserole. My brother John and his wife Tara are having a second kid (due in April) and I am very excited.

Fall semester starts up on Monday. I am taking Russian, Human Rights & Social Justice, History of the Balkans, and Environmental Geology.

All is well. I am going to a farewell clam back extravaganza for Jess M. today. Very exciting.

HP and PB

Are you a Harry Potter fan? I finished the new book. It was satisfying and came to a good close. I will look back and in the future reread this great series, but I am okay with moving on. I have recently encountered several individuals who are quite depressed and or distraught over the completion of the series. My intention is not to be offensive, but I think that this is rediculous. There are countless good books out there, why invest so much emotion is these seven? I urge you to expand your horizons.

Paint ball. I am very excited about this game. It was a long time coming, and I had much internal struggle reaching this place, but I think that you should all love it. I am what you might call a bit of a pacifist, so the idea of "war games" has and still continues to be a bit repulsive to me. That said, I am not sure how I have become so enthralled with the guns that shoot paint.

I guess that it started with the groundhogs. This urged me to finally give in and go with my brother to his monthly paintball game. Despite the bruises, it was the most fun I have had in a long time. (You know I actually loved the bruises.) I envision Lyndsey Teter, Amanda Johnson, and Jessica Meyer playing this game with me in the near future. While I think that all the rest of you should play too, these are three that I see excelling at the sport. Prepare yourself. I will inform you when the time comes.

boys.

I have recently been wondering how much the opinion of friends matters when it comes to boys. You see, in the past I have put the opinion of my friends, in regard to the matter, above even the opinion of myself. Further, I have completely disregarded the opinion of my family. Now, being 24, approaching a place where I think that I might be intersted in finding that significant other, I think it might be time to take a new approach.

It is possible that I am looking to revise my strategy because of current circumstances. There is this boy. He and I have been friends for some years now, and it seems that he is putting on some of the moves. This puts me in a bit of a pickle. My entire family loves him and would be quite pleased by the connection. I have a few questions, many of which might easily be answered or resolved, but a few others that might be a bit more sticky. The biggest conundrum... I totally love the kid, but I am not sure if it is limited to the brother/ sister sort of love or if it could evolve into that other kind. The friend pool is either impartial or not a fan of the idea. The base objection is that I could do better, or he isn't right for me, that sort of thing.

So, do I give the kid a chance and take some action to get my questions answered, or do I not get involved at all? Do I go with the family, the friends, or do I disregard them both and make my own decision. Any and all input would be appreciated. Thank you.

It should be noted that this is not the same boy matter that we discussed earlier.

on a lighter note.

I think that I may be having second thoughts on the shooting of the groundhogs, whether it be with both real or paint filled bullets. My weakness is a bit upsetting.

We had a bonfire on Saturday night. It was a tremendous success. All of the wood that was once the shed living on the North end of the property has been diminished to ash. It was great fun, and quite satisfying to make a big fire all by myself, with only a lighter and newspaper (this is really very impressive).

My experience has thought me a few things, so I will share with you my new knowledge. As the manager of the big fire, be sure to wear some sort of full coverage shoe (as in not a flip flop). There was no real problem with the sandal, but my foot was dirtier than I have ever seen it. Keep a water filled hose and a shovel handy. I had both of these items by my side from the start and they both proved to be essential. The hose was necessary at the beginning and the shovel was needed towards the end. Lastly, start the big fire approximately 30 minutes to an hour before the guests arrive. When the blaze began, it was hot, very hot. So, I tended the fire with the water hose while everyone else stood back about 20 feet and giggled at me frying my skin. It was not the most fun and a bit lonely too.

I grilled. There was a massive amount of beer. It really was fantastic. I wish that you had been there.

emotional.

I would like to talk about life. Things in my life have been quite good lately. I am very busy, but managing to not get too stressed out and still finding time to do some fun things. It seems to me that I have found some sort of happy place where things are good, while they are also bad, but really they are good because the bad things aren't worth investing my emotion in. I like this place. It is happy, or satisfying, or something.

The state of my life is really of little import, and usually I wouldn't talk about it here unless I was so miserable that I needed to make it known to all. So things are good, but it seems that things with all of the others is not so good. My roommate (the great Erin Molnar) has cancer. One of the other friends is having tremendous boy problems. Another one is drinking far too much, which is a bit disconcerting. Then you have your obvious problems. So, I am sad. I am happy because my life is functioning quite well, but I am sad because my friends are hurting, and I want it to be better, but I don't know what to do. I am sorry, that I can't fix you. I will look into getting in touch with Chris Martin. Maybe he can help.

Oh, and Coke bought Vitamin Water. This makes me VERY sad, and a little bit upset.

There is a fat groundhog living under my chicken coup. Watching him meander around the lawn every morning had really begun to get to me. After much thought and internal struggle, I decided that it was either going to be me or the hog... there isn't room for the both of us. I asked my Dad for the rifle... he will be gone soon.

Yesterday, I came home from school. It was approximately 7pm and there were three of them, and they are all fat! Desperate times call for desperate measures. I see a stake out in the near future. I am sorry if this upsets you, but I don't like them, and I don't like their holes. If they had stayed in the field, that would have been a different story. Making my lawn a haven of groundhogginess is not okay.

If this seems very wrong to you, please, do tell.

the last sorriest excuse...

I am sorry. I am the worst of them all. Happy blated Birthday... I know that that means nothing. Like Talya, I also thought of you much in the days before the 21st of May, but then school started. Please, forgive me. I will try to do better. I love you.

My hedgehog smells awful. I have this theory that hedgehogs might be one of those animals that increases in smell as they age. Or, maybe he has hit puberty. Regardless of cage cleaning or whatever, it is just bad. Also, his poops are huge. I think there might be something wrong. You were lucky to get out when you did. Maybe I should change the brand of food that I am giving him. If I recall this might effect the smell of the feces.

That bonfire... it will be somewhere around the 19th of June. See, my friend Jon is turning 30 so some sort of festivities were in order. This seemed appropriate. You are all invited. In fact, I would really like it if you came. Bring your significant others. Also, bring some boxers (the men's underpants type)... I am not sure on the size... I will get back to you on that... best pattern wins.

As of right now, I have read 200 pages in a textbook in the last four days. I need to get in about 100 more this weekend. Bliss.

gone for good.

You won't being seeing me around for a while. I just got the syllabus for the 3 week intersession class that I am taking for the next 3 weeks. I am overwhelmed and a bit regretful. Three chapters a night, two assignments a week, and a midterm/final every Friday. Not fun.

So, I'll see you on the flip side.

I fixed the electricity.

I don't know what has happened to me. Was I very adult like and responsible when I lived with you last year? I am of the opinion that responsibility is one of those things that you grow into. Every person has a certain natural amount of the stuff, as in, some are just more naturally responsible than others. From that natural point, is there just a progression of increased responsibility or do we never pass that point and just further mature into the responsibility that was already there? Or, do we just one day wake up and suddenly find ourselves as adults and all of the stuff (i.e. responsibility) that we find is just what being an adult is?

It is also possible that my OCD has just gone out of control, or it could be all of the above. I am really at a lose of understanding.

I finished my Spring semester at Kent State. All in all, I would say that it was quite a success. I participated in my first public protest (war), attended my first academic symposium (on democracy), and I think that I might have grown as a person (intellectually, and emotionally). I am very much at peace with myself, my choices, and the direction that I am moving in (something that I have been looking for for years). I suppose better late than never.

Sorry, I failed to take pictures, but I tore down a barn Thursday/Friday, all by myself, and with my bare hands. It was amazingly satisfying, and now I look at that bare ground and feel great. I only found one dead animal (I think that it was a groundhog (two halves of one whole) but not really sure). The injuries were minor: hammer dropped on ankle causing minor gash, big board dropped on knee causing large goose egg and giant bruise, and hole in right ring finger caused by I have no idea what.

Soon, there will be a bonfire. I will keep you informed.

Where have all the cowboys gone?

Do you remember that song? Good stuff. I am supposed to be writing a Politics of the Global Economy final right now. However, the Latin American debt crisis just isn't doing it for me right now. I hate finals. This may seem normal, but I am quite thrown off by my feelings. I can manage to push through the entire semester with focus and diligence. Then, finals roll around and I become the world's biggest slacker. At this point, I have no answer, so I will do my best not to fail them all.

I weeded one of my flower beds yesterday. The mass of dandelions put up a good fight, but I beat them out in the end. I hate the grass clippings left over after I mow the lawn, but I am to lazy to rake them. Are there any other options? I think that I am going to look into getting some new gravel for my driveway.

We are going to have a bonfire. Do you want to come?

i need a new starter.

I am happy to announce that I now have the cable and the wireless internets! The cable guy was quite friendly, but he left the cords a big mess. Is that typical?

Last night I went to see Over the Rhine. It was outstanding, and I told them so. They came into Starbucks this morning. Apparently, Jillian made quite an embarrassment of herself. I wish that I had been there to see it. The show was flawless. However, there was a bit of a high school reunion, for which I was not prepared, and it was therefore a bit difficult.

Were you able to carry your buzz? Was the dinner party a success?

For yesterday, I win the best roommate ever award. First, I cleared the sticks and twigs that had gathered in the lawn over the fall/winter. Then I removed the giant smelly dead squirrel from the yard. Next I mowed the extra long grass. Lastly, I gave my roommate a lesson on how best to load and run a dishwasher and taught her how to use the fancy bean grinder. Oh, I got rid of the couch too!

I am feeling really good about myself. Plus, today, is my last really real day of classes for the semester, which I think is quite delightful.

lame.

So, I have the knee problem, and the driving without cruise control tends to make me want to curl up in a ball and die. Further, extended periods of certain activities, like moving, also make me rather miserable. Yesterday, I did both. I drove home from Cincinnati and then I helped Erin move. By 9pm, I felt like I had been run over and someone had pulled my shoulders out of the sockets. My physical state post activity/driving was far worse than usual. I think that I am either feeling my aging in an extreme way, or I am horrendously out of shape. I don't really know what to do, but it makes me want to cry. It might be time to make one of those life changes.

Thanks, for the good time. Sorry, that I made you wake up before you wanted to. You are a fantastic host.

There is a couch in my lawn... what does that mean?

I am not sure how I will find you in your respective cities without at least an address. Do you want me to be there or not? Help me out kids, get those emails moving.

I fixed my shower last night at approximately 10pm. Then I drank some bad beer and went to bed. This morning, I am painting, so I have not yet ascertained if I did actually fix my shower, or if I just finagled all the wrong gizmos in the hopes that I was doing the right thing.

Last night in world politics, we talked about free trade vs. fair trade. She gave a brief overview and than we had discussion. When the questions started flying about fair trade, she ran out of answers. I, however, had all of the answers those kids were looking for. It made me feel swell. It is always nice when the information gleaned from a college research paper ends up being used somewhere beside in said paper. I think I am a better person for it.

I am drinking coffee from Nicaragua. It is really bizarre, and as I drink more of it, I am thinking bizarre in a not good way.

How do you make your dad listen to you?

cold shower #3

I think that it is time to take matter into my own hands. Apparently, top priority to me is not necessarily top priority to the handyman. I have never ventured into plumbing, but it looks like there has never been a better time to start. Wish me luck.

Oh, I got a refrigerator! It is pretty.

I'm sorry.

Mae got a new car! It is a new new car. I was thinking about it this morning, and I think that having the ability to buy a new car might make her a big girl. I am sad. You are all growing up without me. Thanks, for the call. Sorry, I was so groggy.

For some bizarre reason, the hot water in my shower is not so hot. In fact, it is quite cold until about the last 2 minutes when it becomes luke (sp?) warm. Coldish showers in the morning doesn't make for a happy Colleen. If it weren't for those last 2 minutes, I think that I might cry. The shower still leaks (even after the fix). Lyndsey, what was that you said about my dad?

I got a refrigerator! It is in a big box in my basement. Pretty cool. It will be nice to expand my diet to things besides bagels and coffee. I shared a six pack of Newcastle with a friend last night and it made me think of you. It was quite nostalgic. If I had been in a more appropriate place it would have been just like old times.

Remember that time that I ate the salt and then threw up? Priceless.

I pinched a nerve.

Or I might have pleurisy.

I got a big couch and a little couch. That is two couches, which is a big step up from my one chair when Talya and I lived in the square. They are both really ugly, and they really don't match the paint colors but they are real comfy. The love seat used to be my grandma's (I am pretty sure it is as old as I am), and the big couch was my aunt's (which is almost as old as I am). They both have a lovely floral pattern of sorts. Very much my style.

My stove is in the living room and the refrigerator is still at Lowe's. I cut a hole in the wall yesterday. The shower was leaking. Apparently, the plumber (my dad) forgot to tighten the pipes before we put up the drywall. We are putting up a little door over the hole to allow for further access to the shower plumbing. It is an old wooden fuse box door from Ewing Hall. The word on the street is that Ewing Hall used to sit on College Green between Chubb and Alden. It was the amphitheatre behind Scripps before there was an amphitheatre. My dad stole it when they were tearing the building down. Very cool. (The door, not my dad).

The kitchen floor is amazing, and the counter space makes me giddy.

Bangs, next saturday, at noon?

It is amazing how much better a movie can seem when educated about the real events that the movie was based on. Case in point: Black Hawk Down.

I am moving. Either today or tomorrow, I haven't decided. I guess that Friday is a possibility as well. What will I do with all of that space and all of my belongings in one location.

I haven't lived with all of my stuff since before I went back to OU junior year. That is pre-appendix cancer... approximately winter of '03/'04. I am not sure how I will handle it. When I am all settled in, will you come to visit me? It will make me feel nice.

Yesterday, and the day before I saw a cement I-Beam driving down I77. My best guess is that this will eventually be part of a bridge, although I am thrown off by the fact that it is cement rather than steel. I thought the house was big... that was nothin.' This thing was just short of three semi lengths. It was pulled by a cab and front trailer and than a second trailer approximately 100yards back. It was outstanding. I wish that you could have been there to see it.

I think that we should reform our commenting practices. It is very difficult for me when you read something on one blog and then go and comment on another blog. My brain freaks out a little bit and than I have to painstakingly go back and try to figure out what you are talking about. This is hard for me. Example: Lyndsey comments on my blog. When it is time for me to respond to her comment, I do it as another comment on the same blog. It seems that some prefer to read a comment and than go and comment on the commenter's blog. This is where I get confused. Please, make it better. My brain is very tired.

In regard to the Over the Rhine... the plan is to come to the 'Nati on Saturday the 28th (2:30-3ish if all works well). As far as I am concerned, we can go to see OTR or not. I am seeing them the next weekend in Akron anyhow, so I am fine with whatever. However, if you (Mae) want to see them, I am game. Lyndsey, apparently, would rather drink butter.

I have to go to school.

hydrating.

My home improvement to do list is shrinking. I finished painting the kitchen ceiling today. Tomorrow, Erin Molnar and I are cleaning the bathroom, hallway, living room, and upstairs. After the cleaning, only touch-up paint and fill wood holes will remain on my list. I am moving in on Friday. I am shockingly unexcited about this news. Frankly, I would like to burn the house down. I know that this feeling will pass, but I hate it for eating up so much of me.

Let this quote forever live in infamy, "It would be like nixing the lobster and chugging the big bowl of butter." Although I really do love the lobster, in this case, I am all about chugging the big bowl of butter.

I can't get all of the white paint off of my hands. My pants have all turned cranky and I don't know what to do.

For J-Doe: Not to support G.W. or improve his image, but it should be noted that it was not only in his administration that UN dues went unpaid. As far as I know, the US' dues to the UN haven't been paid (except during the Clinton Administration) since Jimmy Carter became president.

condoms.

Did you know that the U.S. doesn't and has not payed their U.N. dues for decades (except for when Clinton was President, and he even payed some of the back dues) because the U.N. funds organizations that distribute condoms to fight against AIDS. Since the U.N. provides aid to these organizations, the U.S. dues would also indirectly be funding these organizations. What are your thoughts?

Shawana might have been right...

I walked into a bar and ordered a pint of Guinness. A young man down the bar looked over, smiled, and said, "Isn't it a little early for a Guinness." (It was approx. 8pm). I turned, smiled and said, "No... it's never too early for a Guinness." Then, because I am the way I am, I looked down at what he was drinking... Miller Lite. Sigh. It was a nice little banter back and forth until I noticed that. So, being the pretentious person I am, I smiled and walked back to my table... thinking... shut it miller lite man... until you start having some self respect I will give you no more attention.

Apparently, I am like that with music too. The new Bright Eyes album came out yesterday, and it is gorgeous. Its style is very I'm Wide Awake, Its Morning but it isn't as good (however, I don't know that he will ever be able to top that, and if he does, I will pee myself... you can write that down). The new Modest Mouse is amazing... amazing. It may be their best album, but we will have to give it some time to know for sure. It just keeps getting better with every listen. The new Arcade Fire and The Shins albums... not as good, but still very solid and worth spending some time with. Going back a bit now... The Decemberists The Crane Wife, I cannot say enough. I struggle to remember all of the albums of 2006, but it was definitely in the top 5. Outstanding work. Damien Rice 9 was also quite good.

Sorry, I didn't mean to go on like that. Bonnaroo, should I go? Do you want to come with me?

I got the grade back for my Politics of the Global Economy paper. My life can now move back into a stable sort of pattern. Is it an indication that there may be something wrong with me because I am so invested in my papers that I struggle to function like a normal human being leading up to, writing, and post handing them in? I will try to work on that. Sorry, that I left you high and dry for so long.

reconsidering my thoughts on fairtrade...

I hate everything about it.

I have been trying to write a paper for three days. It is not going... well. Yesterday, I spent approximately three hours writing the bibliography. Problem... when I get sources off of the internet, whether they be journal articles or from the general web site, I print them out and and am not overly concerned that all of the citing information is included in the print out. When I sit down with my stack of source material and begin my works cited page, I am then quite frustrated that I am typically missing one little bit of information for almost every source. So, I have to go back into the net and try and retrace my steps to find that item I am looking for. In all cases, I eventually found what I needed, but it was only after I kicked myself for not making sure it was there the first time around. You probably think that this is rediculous, and I can't say that I don't blame you, but I am quite frustrated and feeling the need to talk about it. Life was so much easier when we used real books to do research.

Drew (my nephew) is afraid of grass. Not really the cry when he touches it type, but he makes the most bizaare, irritated/angry face when his feet touch it. (This is very funny if you ask me, but he doesn't seem to be quite so amused.) So, yesterday, I was holding him and decided we were going to go for a walk in the grass. I dangled him over the strange green stuff until he got tired of holding his legs up and after some getting used to, we took a nice walk. Later on, Tara (his mom) tried to take him for a walk in the grass and he got very upset with her. See, I am his favorite.

My dad had a business meeing on the porch yesterday afternoon. It was quite the site to come home to. Apparently, it was the lawyer's idea.

Colleen Rankin Jr.

I hung kitchen cabinets today. It is amazing how satisfying this task can be. My nephew is walking. 10 months and 10 days. He is a Rankin. I know, it is amazing. I am not in the best of moods, so this will probably sound like I am an aweful, hateful person.

My other brother's wife (Katie) is due do have a baby girl on May 14th. Yesterday, they told me that one of the names in the running is Colleen. At first I said that this was not acceptable. The name was already taken in this family and it will not be shared. Than I gave it some thought and realized the awe that would fill a small child when it realizes that I am the one that she was named after. I figure that this will win me the favorite aunt award for sure. My goal is to be the favorite aunt/uncle of all of my nieces and nephews. I realize that the competition my not be very strong on my side of the family, but Katie and Tara have some tough competition on their sides. Still, I am feeling confident. I feel very strongly that sharing my name will seal the deal. In fact, I think that I will encourage all of my siblings to name their future children after some form of my first or middle names.

a story

B.C. (Before Colleen). When My parents lived in Athens they bought a house (rather an old house that had been used as a barn for the past 10 years) and started a remodel. When they tore the living room floor and the stairs out nighttime trips to the bathroom were difficult. My mom was pregnant. She had to open the window, climb out, walk across the roof of the porch, down the ladder, in the front door, across a plank spanning what was once the living room floor, through the kitchen and into the bathroom. When my dad had to pee... he climbed out the window, walked across the porch roof and peed off the side of the porch. Priceless.

Let the countdown begin to when I will move back into my house. All that is left... finish painting the kitchen ceiling, put in the kitchen floor, and restrech the upstairs carpet. I have two roommate candidates. Erin Molnar and Jon Kuhns. Who do you think the winner should be?

some comments on the comments.

In regard to the house fixing... I think that we should do a tour. Well, my house is almost finished, so we can bypass my neck of the woods. We can schedule visits and bring out tools right along with us. It occurs to me now that this might be the stupidest idea I have ever had. Continuing on... we can have a painting party at Talya's and a something else to fix party at Lyndsey's and Mae... hurry up and tear out a wall or something so that we can come down there and fix it. Anyhow... it would just be nice for us all to be in the same place at the same time.

Colin. Well, we can't all be rock climbers. Lets me honest... I haven't really been a rock climber since the last ankle incident anyhow. The fact that he is taller than me, quite cute, still in the 20's and doesn't have a significant other are major pluses. Oh no... is he gay? You know how that has been a problem lately. I really don't want another gay guy best friend. Seriously, it is time. I am tired of this best friend role that I have taken on. It is possible though, that I should be looking for someone a little closer to home?

Mae got her wisdom teeth pulled yesterday. Poor Mae. I hope that you are doing alright. It reminds me of when I got mine extracted. I was a sophmorish in high school and had a bit of a cold. Well, then I had the flu. I was in bed immobile for a week and a half. Hence, I asked you if you had a cold. I am sure that all is well. Make contact again when you can talk.

Lastly, I love snow, but enough already.

USS or is it USG?

I voted in the undergraduate student elections this morning. It was relatively satisfying, but also quite frustrating. How am I to make a well informed vote when they have provided me with no information? A small link here or there might have been nice. Instead, I had to compile the many fliers that had been dispersed across campus for the past weeks and try to make an educated guess. Two of the ten votes I am quite confident about... the other eight, feeling a little bit uncertain. I hope that my instincts have not steered me wrong.

There was a vote on a referendum of the Undergraduate Student Senate to change the constitution... bylaws... I don't know what it is called. If passed we will have a new Undergraduate Student Government, and a new position for a senator from each college (this I think is quite a good idea). My beef, which I think that someone should go about addressing immediately, is the titles of the officers. Executive director... why can't they just call it president so that I don't have to be confused and spend ten minutes trying to figure out what I am actually voting for. Politics. It is so not user friendly, and they wonder why so few of us vote.

pointless.

Did you know that about the ICO and NCA? That is the International Coffee Organization and the National Coffee Association. All those years working in the coffee business and it turns out I was walking around fat, dumb, and happy... and apparently completely uninformed. I am currently writing a paper on Fair Trade V. Free Trade in the Coffee Industry, and its social impacts at the civilian level. It is hard, and strange. It seems that everyone knows about Fair Trade but there is no good source information. On the other hand no one knows about TRILS (Trade Related International Labor Standards... the topic of my last such paper) but there is a butt load of information on them. It is a strange world in which we live.

Big news: Colin is potentially a rock climber and he is for sure from Oregon which is outstanding. I think that it was meant to be. If the facts aren't enough... Colin is the male derivative of Colleen. Mere chance, I think not.

happenings.

Talya and Chris blew through town on Saturday. Ellie Cantoni turned 21 and there were festive festivities. There was breakfast eating at Jasper's which once again left me smelling like stale french toast, coffee, and cigarettes (not good, bad). Then there was much studying. It was what one might call a productive weekend, delightful at least.

This morning I have had potentially the best cup of coffee my pallet has ever enjoyed. Flur Azul, Nicaragua... amazing... it really did taste like carmel and milk chocolate. In fact, the Intelligentsia coffee has just baffled me. I am shocked to say, that they have won my heart. It would appear that I am a Starbucks girl no more. It will now become my personal goal to take all of you with me.

Lyndsey, your home improvement photos have inspired me. That wood floor... the joy of finding such a treasure buried under something so ugly... what a feeling. If I didn't have to go to class, I would pick up my tools right now and set to work on my own home improvement. Further... I think that a short visit to bangs is in order. What are your thoughts? Mae, you should try to get in on this.

in brief.

I officially declared my major yesterday. First, I had a very fruitful meeting with the Dean of International Relations, and I was feeling quite good about the recent life decisions that have lead me to this point. I am not a majorer in International Relations (which will forever more be referred to as IR) and a minorer in Political Science (let us call it POLS). My language of choice, in which I must become fluent to graduate, is Russian, and I am currently exploring study abroad programs. The top placer at this point is a summer program out of the University of Arizona which will allow me to go to either St. Petersburg or Moscow. I am also mentally picking through the possibility of graduate school, law school, and the peacecorps.

All this sounds great right... Colleen, finally seems to have found some direct... right... no. I was so encouraged and feeling proud of myself, then I went home. My dad is an ass. He may has well have said, "Colleen, what is wrong with you, are you stupid? This plan of yours is ridiculous, poorly thought, and will get you no where. Study abroad... what a waste of time. Russian... in five years... not one on the planet will speak Russian. If you are going to waste your time becoming proficient in a language it should be Spanish, or at least a language that uses the English alphabet because any language that doesn't will be obsolete in 5-10 years. You have failed me as a child... I thought I raised you better than this, and I am very disappointed in you." Now, I am questioning everything. Maybe I should take Spanish... would it really be that painful for me to give up all of my interest in Eastern Europe and focus on a completely different part of the world? So, I am feeling bad and confused, and I need some support. Usually, my mom acts as a bit of a buffer... she is in North Carolina. I am all alone in the choices I have made. Give me something, please.

to you.

I just spilled coffee all over myself. This is frustrating because I just washed my pj pants last night. So, I was a bit annoyed then I looked down at the many spots and it make me think of Lyndsey spilling coffee on my pjs and blanket over and over again. That made me smile, which was nice and made spilling hot coffee all over my leg worthwhile.

Thinking about spilling coffee and the resent events of the Johnson family got me to thinking about my past physical ailments. Particularly, I thought of the appendix and the cancer which followed. I think that people go a lifetime looking for friends like the three of you. Talya, you made me do something that I wouldn't do for myself, and when I argued, you called my mom to proove to me that you were right. Then you took me to O'Blenness and made sure that they took good care of me. You sat there for my first pap, and held my hand when I felt like I was dying, and they didn't know what was wrong with me. Thank you. Lyndsey, you got yourself out of bed so that Talya could take a test and I wasn't alone. Then there was the enema... it is far beyond the call of friend duty to do that. When it was all over you were there to take me to the follow-up and listen to me talk about how I was really not understanding that he just told me I had had cancer. Thank you. Mae you were there when I slept, when I woke up, when I slept, and when I woke up. You were sanity to my mom... she still talks about you sitting there and talking to her when she hadn't had a break all day, and how nice it was, and how badly she needed it. Many friends would have come into the room, saw that I was sleeping and said, "Ah, well tell her that I was here." You are the type of friend that just sits there, because you know that it isn't about me being awake, it is about you being there. So, you talk to my mom, and laugh at me when I try to talk for two minutes but fall asleep instead. Thank you.

Thank you for being that kind of friend to me. I am sorry when I forget how important you are. I love you.

to be, or not to be... a state

I have been thinking a lot lately about the issue of state (country) verses world and nationalism versus transnationalism. Which is better? I keep going back and forth... the pros and cons are strong on both sides. When it is good, it seems that it is quite good, and when it is bad, it seems to be very bad... on both sides of the issue.

There exits in the world today, and well I suppose that it has probably existed for centuries, a huge gap between the rich and poor of the world. The average age of death here in the states was just lowered because of obesity and obesity related diseases, while in other parts of the world (much of Africa) people are starving, and dying of malnourishment and related issues because they don't have the money to get the necessities to live a healthy life. (The number one killer of children under the age of 5... diarrhea and the dehydration that follows from unclean drinking water). Many believe that if there existed a global government than the divide between the rich and poor could become smaller, or at least millions of people would stop dying because they have no money. On the other hand, one could argue that on the state level there is also a divide between rich and poor, and if this continues to persist on a small scale, then creating a world government is not going to solve the problem on a larger scale.

Genocide has been a much discussed problem in the news as of late. Hundreds of thousands of people have died in Darfur, and the international community has done little to stop it. In the 1990's 1 million people were killed (in a 3 month window) in Rwanda, the rest of the world was very much in the know when the killings were taking place, but nothing was done to stop it. Why is this the case? Sovereignty. The state is a sovereign entity, therefore the international community has no control or say in the actions of the state. If a global government were created, genocide may become a thing of history. Further, abuses of corrupt governments the world over may come to an end if there were a higher power that were ruling over the state. Many believe however that politics and in turn government is corrupt, regardless of the level, so creating a world government would do no one any good in the long run because it too will be corrupt.

Some say that the opinions, cultures, and issues of the states are so different and diverse that a world government could never effectively serve the interests of the international community. Further, there is concern that the interests of the little guy (LDCs) will be overlooked to fulfill the concerns of the stronger states.

What are your thoughts? Really, I could use some insight. What do you have to say on the matter?

house things.

Building a house takes a long time. I spent the morning working on my casa. Every time I go in there, I sigh, shrug my shoulders, and become exasperated by the amount of work that remains. Just when the list seems to be getting shorter, Dad adds something new. These negative feelings are not so good, especially because it makes me feel like I never want to go there again. Then, as I am working on something or finishing up a little project, I smile and think that years from now, when I am sitting on the couch or walking down the stairs, I am going to be able to smile and think, "Hey, I made that." It is the prospect of this happening that encourages me and makes me feel like all of my efforts aren't a waste. So, I will continue my work and maybe someday, I will get to move into the house that I helped build.

Today, I have decided that oil-based paint is of the devil. It is particularly unfriendly when it seems to have found its way to your ear. I suspect that for days I will go about my business with this little bolb for 'leather brown' paint on my left lobe. Who knows, today I hate it, but tomorrow I might have become quite fond of the little guy.

Who knew that you had to shake/stir wood stain? I mean, I knew that it was necessary and all (I learned that in junior high wood shop) but I had no idea how vigorously it needed to be done. I might never have known, except I am pretty sure that when you get to the bottom of the can there is not supposed to be a big pile of stain. It was also rather curious that the further I got into the can the darker the finished looked. So, for your further reference, make sure to shake the can excessively vigorously.

It is amazing how satisfying it is to finish a can of wood stain. Generally, stain is the type of thing that you use a bit of here and there and then the can sits around for ten years before you finally throw it away because it has started to rust into the stain, thus making it unusable. Well, this time, I used the whole thing, and I felt great when I got to the bottom (though stupified by the clump of stain). Really, it was so much better than the feeling one gets from finishing a can of paint. Sadly, the can ended just before the wood that needs stained did, so I am going to have to buy a new can, and it is more than likely that I am not going to finish it. Drat.

instead of studying.

I have had the stomach flu since Sunday. First, when I woke up vomiting, I thought I was hungover. This was a bit unusual because never in my years of getting drunk have I ever thrown up the morning after. I was frightened and I didn't know what to do, so I called Talya. See told me not to eat anything (because I was throwing it all up) but to keep drinking water so that I didn't get dehydrated. Well, I kept drinking water, but it didn't keep me from getting dehydrated because I just kept yacking it up. Around midday Monday, the ralphing subsided, which was good because I had to take a midterm. My mom drove me to school, I took the midterm, then I went home and didn't get out of bed until Wednesday morning.

It is now Thursday. You all seemed to have called, and I assure you I will get to you eventually, but I am still quite a bit under the weather and thus investing all of my energy to preform the necessary tasks like going to class and writing blogs. I appoligize.

This whole lent thing has gotten me to thinking. I am not so much the believer in God anymore (well I sort of do, but it far different than it once was). Let's call me the anti-organized religion. That said, lent isn't really my thing anymore, but for some bizarre reason that I have not quite nailed down, I am feeling like I should give something up. First, I was thinking coffee. But since I haven't had coffee since Saturday anyhow (not so good for the sickness), this no longer seemed like a good option. Then, I thought I would give up sugary objects. Things like chocolate, candy, etc. This is still a possibility. Then I thought I should give up beeer. This makes me gasp, which is why I am thinking that I should go with it. What are your thoughts? Maybe I should just forget the whole thing.

moving the house.

How does one move a big house? Good question. Well, according to my recent observations, one simply cuts the thing in half, loads it onto two trucks, and drives it down the highway. I have seen this happen repeatedly throughout my life and have never questioned the process until now. The house was too big.

The other day, I was driving down the highway, going to school, and in the distance, I saw a big house, traveling down the highway. Thankfully, it was going westbound to my eastbound, so it didn't pose any real problems to me. It was huge... huge, acutally quite frightening. As I passed it, I noticed that it was taking up the entirity of two lanes. While it was slowing things down, it didn't seem to be creating big problems given that this section of the road was 3 lanes. I wondered, and am still curious to know how things would go just a couple of miles down the road when it entered the construction zone that had only two skinny lanes with no wiggle room whatsoever. This got me to thinking that there must be a better way to move a house. Then, the other giant half of the house passed, and I just chuckled.

The next day, they were driving a yacht down the highway.

chasing buses...

I chased a bus today. It is cold, very cold, and apparently when it is cold, I loose my ability to make decisions that prevent me from looking like an idiot, or it prevents me from thinking at all. It went something like this...

I was walking, the bus was sitting approx. 50 yards away. I noticed that it was my bus, so I put some spring in my step. Then, the bus started moving. Without thaught, I began to jog after it. Then, I realized that it was moving faster than I was, so I started to sprint. As I ran along side, I began to slam my fist on the side of the bus, still running, until it stopped. I hopped on, thanked the bus driver, and took my seat.

As I sat and took a sigh of relief, I realized that I must have looked like a complete idiot. Then it occurred to me that I would only have looked like an idiot if the bus hadn't stopped, but since it did stop, I looked like the type of person that everyone else wishes they were (you know, the one that has the self-confidence to run after a bus).

Or, I might just be trying to convince myself of that because I am to insecure with myself to be okay with looking like an idiot. Either way, I prevented myself from further cold, so it is okay.