The Christmas Blend is back at Starbucks. This marks a change in the season. The winter has finally come, and I like that. The Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale is also back on the shelves. This too makes me quite happy.

The Front Room is dead. Well, technically, it is still alive, but as we once knew it, the Front Room is dead. Last weekend marked the official closing ceremonies of that place that so many of us called home. It was very sad. I am sorry that you missed it.

Here is the thing about OSU and Michigan. I don't really care. I am not what you would call a football fan. Frankly, I think that it is a bit silly. So, as much as I would like to see you, I don't think that I will be there to join in the festivities. I also have to go to a Black Keys show here in Cleveland on Saturday night. My deepest apologies.

the beta

In rock climbing there is this thing we call beta. Essentially, beta is the answer to the problem. It is strange though... my beta may be far different than your beta but both betas are equally right. I am tall, you are short, you have long arms and I have short arms, I have long legs and you have a short torso. The way you climb something may look entirely different from the way that I climb something... but they both work equally well. My beta may help Joe Schmoe climb the wall and yours may make him fall on his ass. Beta. It is quite thought provoking.

Life is much like climbing. I have beta, you have beta, both seem to be working. We take the advice of our friends, but what if their life beta isn't going to work for me. How am I to know that their beta isn't going to make me fall on my ass. Because really, I am quite capable of making myself fall on my ass, I don't really need anyone else's help. If I am going to listen to you and what you have to say, it sure as hell better be right. Sadly, that is not the way it works.

Someone should write a beta book. The beta should be organized in such a way that each of us can fall under a certain type of person: tall, height and apex equal, weak ankles, long torso. I could then find myself in the book and follow that beta for my life. It would have to be general beta... things like... handle problems in this way; when you feel emotionally exhausted, spend some time alone, rather than spending more time with people; when life gets hard, keep pushing, you really are capable of doing it; be friends with this type of person rather than this type, it will make your life much easier.

No. It is necessary that I write my own beta, and every once in a while I will get lucky and your beta will work for me. I am going to have to start climbing again... it makes my reality more manageable. Its processes somehow educate me in life. You should give it a try.

Hello World!

Should I try this again? I must say... I have my doubts. I am sure you have your doubts as well. I think we should give it a try anyhow. Here we go.

Did you know that I go to Kent State University now. Well, I do. It is great! I must say... no OU but not to shabby. Apparently, OU and Kent are playing eachother in football this weekend, and it is a big deal... at least that is what Jim at Starbucks tells me. Both are undefeated in the MAC thus far... what fun it will be. I am not going.

Lyndsey Teter is a sweatshirt stealer. Mae... I haer that you had a date last night? Eh? Well? What do you have to say? I didn't have a date last night. I haven't had a date in quite some time and well, it is a bit sad if you ask me.

I lost my socks this morning. It is cold in Akron and having no socks is quite unpleasant. Molnar stole them. She tried to give me one of her's but she had been wearing it for three days. I would rather my feet be cold than stinky. I got some more socks though, so now I am okay.

Chris Cantoni was sitting in Starbucks this morning when I walked in at approx. 6:30. It was quite a shock. He looks the same. Did you know that it is colder in Akron than it is in Chicago. This disturbs me. With cold I want snow and although it has snowed, there is not snow. This does not make me happy. It is all white in West Virginia. I think that I must move.

Julie Mazzei and comparative politics is calling my name. Until next time. Good night and good luck.

here i am!

I forgot this was here. I did not forget you were there. I am still alive. My hair is growing back quickly. Right now, I have the stomach flu. It is much worse in the summer. Very hot.

There is so much to say, yet I have nothing to say. Talya has an interview at Starbucks today (my Starbucks). Soon, she may be like the rest of us. We do have a problem, you know that right, we are pretentious about coffee. Don't feel bad about being a pretentious coffee person. I have been told I am pretentious about coffee, beer, and music. I think that makes me purly pretentious. When you feel bad about yourself, just remember you are a better person than I.

A man walked up to me today and said, "Don't take this the wrong way. You remind me of college." He then walked away. It was very bizarre. People are so strange. Really, I don't know how to take it at all, wrong, or otherwise.

Did you know that Lyndsey lives on Possum Street in Bangs, Ohio? That is funny. There is a Ridges like building on the corner of her street, and it is scary. Seriously, Lyndsey, we got a good look at it on our way back to rt. 3, and I almost had a heart attack and peed myself at the same time. It made me want to cry like a little girl. I am going to have to get a better look at it in the daylight, but I don't think that that will be pleasant either. What is that place, anyhow?

laundry mishap

I am pissed. However, the disaster that caused the pissiness is of my own lack of thinking, so I suppose that it is okay. Do you have a favorite pair of jeans? I do. Really, I consider them my only pair of jeans (besides the nasty ones that I wear to work that is). I do in fact have two other pairs of "every day wearable jeans," but they have never been my friends, in fact I have probably not worn them more than once or twice. I was saddened the other day when I noticed that my favorite pair of jeans was wearing thin in several different locations and that the slightest of wrong movements could spell disaster. This got me to thinking about weather I was going to try to find a new pair of favorite jeans or if I would try to reenforce the weakening fabric and wear them still. Then came the laundry mishap. It is my habit to try to do laundry every Sunday, whether it "needs" to be done or not. However, I try no to be a waster, so if there is not enough dirty clothes to seperate by color, I throw them all in at once. (This had never been a problem before, but it now proves to be a terrible idea.) I think that it was those damn blue underwear, at least that is all that I can figure. Now, my favorite jeans are mostly unwearable.

I just ordered two new pairs of jeans. It is a bit of a rush because well, I need jeans. It would seem that I have gained a pound or two since last summer (which is when I got my two other pairs of jeans) because though they are wearable, they are a bit snug, and well, you know how I feel about things being snug. It is my great hope that I will find in one of my newly ordered pairs of jeans a new favorite pair. I will sit in mourning until they arrive, and then I will do my best to move on.

the news.

Sometimes I forget the blogging exists. My computer wouldn't turn on. It was the strangest thing, and then one day, it just worked. There is no apparent explanation. I think maybe it is Talya's fault. It worked when I left Akron. When I got to Athens, it wouldn't work. Oh well.

Those of you who are vegetarians or the good kind of meat meat eaters, or the ones that wear only sweatshop free clothing, or eat only organics... how do you do it? I wish that I was a better person. I don't know how. I am a lot of talk, but when it means doing something besides talking... yeah, well. I am really frustrated with myself in this regard.

Last week, the plant manager was on vacation. So, I worked as acting plant manager. He gets payed the big bucks. I thought that since I was doing exactly the job that he does every day, I too should make the big bucks for the week. The boss didn't agree with me on this point. I made the little bucks. It was hard work and I don't know that my brain and Alcon Tool like abilities could have taken much more stretch. I can see now why he makes the big bucks. It left me wondering why it is if I am capable of doing his job so well, that I am still making the little bucks.

I am going to Motor City tomorrow, which for some reason is leaving me more uneasy than I would be if I were making the same trip to say, Columbus. Detroit just seems scary to me. Yes, I am going to see Death Cab for Cutie and Franz Ferdinand. It really is quite exciting. Wish me luck.

hurting myself.

I am prone to injury. I am not sure how this came to be. Maybe it is hereditary (my dad seems to have a similar problem). I did it again. I was in a bouldering competition on Saturday. Originally, I wasn't going to compete because I am still recovering from the sprained left ankle injury of three months ago. I started rope climbing again a month ago and have felt totally comfortable with the bouldering for just a couple of weeks. Since my climbing abilities are still lacking (compared to where they were before my injury), I wasn't going to climb on Saturday. Well, my friends thought that that was silly and urged me to climb. So, I did. It was good, I was doing far better than I had anticipated. Then, I did something stupid. I was working a problem without a crash pad, I came off the wall in a bad way and I landed in a worse way. This time it was the right ankle. The doctor on site was sure it was broken, so Ian took me to the ER. It isn't broken, just a sprain. I got a new set of crutches. It is swollen like a grapefruit.

Strange, when I did it, it hurt far worse than last time. It immediately swelled faster and fatter than last time. Now, three days later, it is still more swollen and the bruising is better too, but the pain is much less. I can't decide if it just doesn't feel as bad because I am used to this type of pain, or if it really hurts less. I went to my doctor yesterday and he said that I didn't have to use the crutches unless I wanted to (they won't really make my recovery any faster), so I deep-sixed them. I hate crutches.

So, I am pissed. I can't climb again, but give me a couple of weeks and I will be good to go. I placed 6th out of 13 in the comp. This may not seem so good, but considering this was my first comp and I was climbing on an injured ankle, it is quite good. I am quite proud of myself. Overall, it was a good time. The comp was swell. Ian and I had a great time in the ER. We went to the after party and then the after after party. I drank my sorrows and my pain away, and since have been amazingly upbeat.

Do you recall me ever talking about how sad the state of the ER at O'Bleness is? Well, the last two times I have gone to the ER was in Athens, and at the time, it was quite disappointing. Saturday, I went to the ER at Akron General, which I hadn't been to since high school. It was awful. Keep in mind, my doctor friend, Noah (who is an ER doc at Akron General), was at the comp. He called the ER before I went, told them that I was coming and pre-ordered x-rays. So, all of my issues were completely non-wait related. We were in and out in approx. 2 hours. This aspect of the experience was beautiful. But still, the overall visit was terrible! Give me O'Bleness any day, really.

Also, I saw Peter Ipnar. That was weird. He swears like a sailor now. I didn't ask him, but I think that all that I have heard is true. It kind of made me sad.

this is important.

Sorry, about the phone call. I really did forget you this time. It was weird.

I got tickets to a show in Detroit. At first it seemed like a good idea, then it didn't.

Myspace is a scary thing. I am a member for communication purposes. I think that some people really are addicted. It is bizarre. It frightens me when people flirt via internet. Seriously, this Joe Schmo doesn't know me from Adam and is making advances. What if I really look like his great aunt Franny?! It gives me the he-be-ge-bees.

license to drive

I got my lift truck drivers license last week. It was a little bit scary. It is really a sweet deal. I got a certificate and card saying that I am an authorized lift truck operator, legally this authorizes me to operate anywhere in the U.S. Such a deal... I know that you are jealous.

Yesterday, I spent about 6 hours on the thing and now I think I hate them. However, I am a pro. I feel like I should say that my machine is much more attractive then the one above. Sadly, the selection of pictures on the internet of the proper Yale lift truck is quite sparse.

Have you ever heard of mixing a wheat beer with raspberry puree? Seriously, it is the beer of the month at the Winking Lizard this month. I didn't try it; it frightened me. My logic is this, wheat beer is not so good (in my humble opinion... although, I don't think that I have ever met anyone who likes it), then you go and mix it with something as peculiar as raspberry puree, and well, that is too much. Lime is one thing, and I have even gone as far as an orange, but if it was meant to have raspberry puree in it, they would have included it in the bottled package. Really, what will those crazy kids think of next?

standards.

I used to have them. Standards, principles, and what not. Recently, it has occurred to me that I might have lost them somewhere along the way. Some of them are still there, but one in particular was there. I used to be very much against stealing music. Downloading off the internet was very taboo, and every once in a while I would burn a cd for a friends, but I usually felt really bad afterwards and always made sure that they understood that if I was to give them this cd, they could listen to it for one week. If they liked it they were to go out and purchase a copy of their own, or they were to throw it away if they did not like it. I felt good about having these standards.

They are gone. I think it happened when I moved into 1111 Jefferson Ave. I stopped caring about the right and wrongs of music downloading. First, I just burned it from other people. Now, I am taking it off of the internet. It is wrong. I am stealing. I know that I have to stop, but I don't know if I have the strength. You see, I feel like it is not only about stopping. I think that I should get rid of all the music I stole too.

Is this crazy? The fact of the matter is that I liked myself better when I didn't steal from these artists. I feel better as a person of principle. Other people thought I was being ridiculous, but I felt good about it. Now, I just feel like a bad person.

Felony.

I like to sit in the evenings, listen to Iron & Wine, and drink beer. It might be as pleasing as coffee and cigarettes in the morning. They are different.

My friend got arrested for armed robbery. He was once a good kid. When we were in high school, he started doing the drugs. Then he moved out of state and all I heard was that he made a Thanksgiving turkey and stuffed it with shrooms. A little less then a year ago, he moved back. We saw each other here and there, talked a bit. He seemed to always be high and there were rumors that he did lines at work. They say he robbed a liquor store, with a gun. My inclination was to believe them. I was sad, we used to be close, and he was such a great kid. Then I thought, maybe he didn't do it, maybe things just go mixed up. I just don't know.

He works with me now. His court date is in two weeks. So, it could be said we are friends again. Lately, he seems to be clean. I want to believe him. Do I have to decide? I will be his friend either way. Does it make me a bad friend if I remain undecided. Regardless of what I think, I try my best to support him. I want him to be innocent. Jail would be no good for him. I don't know, I am overwhelmed and it is past my bed time.

Is it really bad when someone has a felony on their record?

Today, I was thinking about being taken advantage of because being more skilled than others. There is a part of me that thinks that this makes complete sense, then there is that little bit that thinks it is ridiculous. What do you think?

Joe Schmo is a shitty worker, and when he does do a job, he does a half-ass pish-posh job. You however, take pride in what you do, even if you don't feel too passionate about it. It is all about principle and character, so when you do a job, you do it well. In a perfect world, you make more money than Joe and you get more respect and the better jobs and what not. Instead, in the real world, Joe makes more money than you because he has worked there for forever, and because the boss knows that you are going to do the job better than Joe, he gives you all of the shitty grunt work. Joe gets all the good stuff, the easy stuff.

My dad has been telling me, since I was 3 or 4, that life isn't fair. I wonder if I will ever begin to grasp it, or if I will forever be irritated when it continues to not be fair.

That is the kind of day I had. Plus, the battery on my iPod died at approx. 2:30pm. It was sad.

Personality DNA.

I stole this from Chris. I am a builder and I am benevolent. I also feel that I should note two things: I do see a need to stick to a set routine or schedule. Although, I do enjoy a bit of spontaneity now and again, I am really a mess without routine. Friends seeking my style advice... that is almost laughable.

Chuck's bitch...

Said in an entirely asexual manner... I have been granted a new position at Alcon Tool Co. I am now the personal assistant of Charlie Rankin, co-owner of said company. This is both good and bad. I shall explain.

First, the good. I did not get into Kent State as I had hoped. This in itself is an exasperatingly long and frustrating story, so if you really want to know, we will have to do the phone thing. Thus, being that I will apparently not be attending college until September of 2006, I will be working. Now, you all know that working at the factory has never been pleasant for me. So, I really was quite tickled that my dad offered me this new position. I will be making a bit more money, and I will not be standing in front of the same machine day in and day out.

Now, the potentially good or bad... my dad and I think very much on the same lines. This could either be disastrous or just great. It is possible that I will totally agree with him on all matters and be more than excited to do all of the things that he may ask of me. Or, we will disagree on everything and it will be worse than standing in front of a machine ever was. I really cannot imagine this happening, but anything is possible.

The bad (or, I guess it could be good, but I don't really see that happening). Up until now, no one has ever filled this "personal assistant" position. Basically, he is making it up as he goes along. I foresee this being quite frustrating. My hope is that the kinks will be worked out early, and we can move on to smooth sailing. I start Monday. I will keep you posted.

We make knives. Those kind of knives, up there in the corner.

Trying something new.

Drama bothers me. Somehow, I am quite easily drawn to people who have an underlying drama that is constant in their lives. That is not to say that all of my friends are dramatic people. I go through periods that I must stop associating with this particular group of drama producers (I feel that I should note that I am not referring to you). I wonder how these people live in such states of discontent and unrest, how are they constantly dealing with this crap. All of these thoughts were going through my head and it occurred to me that I am quite a dramatic person, myself. This disturbed me.

So, I thought some more. The disturbance was spurred by two thoughts... 1. The drama of my friends is so often hard for me to take. It seems to push me to this point of emotional exhaustion. Therefore, the thought that I am dramatic really bothered me. 2. I do not like that I feel that I am always dealing with some sort of my own drama. When I am struggling or frustrated or, whatever, it is not something that I want. I really do want to be a happy or at least contented person.

I guess that that is something that I am going to have to work on. The other day, my friend, Jenn, told me that I should try optimism. Then it occurred to me, I am, or at least in the last year, I have been pessimistic about everything in my life. I used to be happy. So, I thought that I would try this optimism on for size and see where it takes me.

Nat'l Geog.

I was reading National Geographic this morning. Then I began to wonder how it got its name. Regardless of that, it really is a great magazine. It had been quite some time since I took the time to enjoy it, but really, quite stimulating.

This particular issue featured an article about genocide. This subject is quite disturbing to me. Generally speaking, I would say that I am better informed about the genocides of the last century then the average American. This, I feel is a shame, because there is so much I don't know. Did you know that because of its genocides, the 20th century is the bloodiest period in human history?

I cannot begin to express how this makes me feel. We say we live in civilization. We are refined and educated. Yet, hatred for mankind has grown to an extremity that has never existed in the past.

The author and holocaust survivor, Elie Wiesel speaks of their being no distinction between the bystanders and the murderers, those who are indifferent are as guilty as the murderers, "How can you be a bystander? We Jews suffered not just from what was inflicted on us by the perpetrators but also by the indifference of our friends. If those of us in the camps had known at the time that our friends were not ignorant, but indifferent, we'd have gone beyond despair."

Mass killings began in Iraq in 1987. Iraq had been fighting Iran for eight years, and as the war was dying down, Saddam Hussein ordered the death of the Kurdish population. A year later, over 100,000 Kurds had been murdered. Around this same time, reports of the mass murders became available to the public eye. However, Reagan's administration and the State Department choose to ignore the truth. Reason being, the United State had backed Iraq in its fight against Iran.

The U.S. government was concerned only with not offending Hussein. Nothing was done. The only response was that of former President, LBJ... He may have been a mass murderer, but at least he was our murderer.

What will our response be? Will we stand idly by and watch, or will we do something? The future can be changed, but what is to be done about the past?

Tell me what. I don't know.

I just sipped a latte that I purchased at approx. 11:30 this morning. Something must have come over me, I don't know what I was thinking, but it was not enjoyable. My brother, Mark, feels that as long as the coffee is less then 36 hours old, it is just fine to drink. I find this quite disgusting. Do you find this disgusting? Occationally, I think that the only reason I find it disturbing is that I used to work for Starbucks and serving coffee more than an hour old is not allowed. Is 36 hours the norm. for coffee consumption? It seems really freakish to me.

Why do musicians who are not French or Spanish feel the need to sing a random song in French or Spanish? At the moment, I cannot think of a Spanish example, but Nada Surf has got that French song going on on "Let It Go." Why?! They are not French, they do not speak French on a daily or even a regular basis. Why do they find it necessary to sing in French on their album? It really is irritating to me. I suppose that it may be for their French listeners, but if that is the case, then why don't they just put that particular song on the albums that they release in France? Suddenly, I have just realized how American I sound. Nevermind, please disregard this. I have throughly annoyed myself. Sorry about that.

Have you read The Poisonwood Bible? Can I get some feedback there? Thanks.

Hello, and thank you for your promt responses. You are all swell. So, here I go...

Guess what... I moved back to my parents' house! It is so much fun, really, I am so overwhelmed with joy that I could pee. Actually, it sucks and I want to go away. Currently, I am in Athens. It is great. Don't you just all love Athens?!

I don't feel that I really have anything relevant to say. Sorry, about that. I have a little bit of hair now, not much mind you, but it is comin' back. Oh, there is something, I tore all of the tendons on the left side of my ankle. Technically, I did what you would call "popped tendons." Basically, I hyperextended and or partially tore them. So, no surgery necessary. That is good. I was rock climbing, I dropped wrong landed on my ankle at a 90 degree angle. It was fun, still is in fact.

I sure do have knack for hurting myself. I think that if this continues, then I will just begin to schedule them into my life plans. Overall, I think that it may be far less stressful this way.

That is all.

are you dere?

Do you still read this? I guess that that was not phrased well... do you still look at this to see if I have written? Give me a comment, let me know. I thought I would give a go at writing again. I seem to be unable to communicate with you in any other way. This method seems like a good alternative.

I am sorry that I am the worst friend ever. Life has been a little bit much for me lately.