though this may not interest a great deal of you in the slightest bit, i have to give a shout out to my fellow present and former starbucks (and all other far inferior coffee shop) baristas out there. (if you have just been dumbfounded by the term 'barista,' stop reading now.) i sat down at this computer with the usual routine: sign onto aim, check the email, then examine the blogs of several of my favorite people, just before delving into my own profound thoughts and insights into life. always done in random order, i happened to check maes blog last, just before coming here. i must say, it was amusing, however it was wrong. i feel that it is my duty, as the far more experienced barista, to correct that infraction. specifically, i am speaking to mae, but all of you coffee makers out there should pay special attention.
ERROR: "Starbucks Rule #1: Please, never ever ever go into a Starbucks and order anything with "french vanilla." If you do that, we laugh at you after you leave. And we tell all of our high-brow friends about you. And laugh again. Just to be snobs. It's not like the Jolly Pirate."
oh my little starbucks barista... you have so much to learn. that whole thing about french vanilla... you could not be more wrong. inform all of your fellow partners that they are all asses for laughing at someone who possibly (although, in my experience, not likely) knew what they were ordering when they ordered their beverage with french vanilla. definition: a syrup flavor that is created by combining 1/2 vanilla and 1/2 hazelnut. oh yes, my friend, it is true! similar to how toffee nut used to be a flavor before it was actually bottled as "toffee nut." in all actuality, toffee nut is a bizarre blend of vanilla, caramel syrup, and hazelnut. yes, i know, bizarre.
mae, i love you, i know that might have been a bit harsh, but sometimes the truth hurts. this education will be for your own good in the long run, and just think of how impressed all of the partners are going to be when you walk in tomorrow with this new wealth of knowledge.
it may not have been such an important issue that i needed to make such a big deal about it, but i felt that i needed to reestablish my supremacy as that ultimate starbucks barista. oh yes, lyndsey, talya, mae, all of you out there, it will take years for you to reach the pinnacle that i sit on now.
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3 comments:
Uh, I think you might want to check because that pinnacle you're sitting on? It may have inadvertently become lodged somewhere, which could account for your "supremacy". I'm just sayin'....
Chris says:
Leeny, I don't think you can talk about your pinnacle until you travel to south america and pick the beans yourself. And clean them and roast them and all that stuff. Then brew them and serve them to all your friends. Then I will grant you your pinnacle. But not before.
You know how there are people in america who love chinese food and think it's great, but if they ever go to china and have chinese food they think it is crap? Is it possible that us americans, in our coffee-frenzy, have never tasted the true pure coffee of ancient Aztec and Inca civilizations? It's a thought.
I do believe I was the first, and I do believe I will be the last. I won't ever claim to be the best, and I will never be properly trained by Starbucks, but I will have a style that is not hemogenized and known by everyone, but a unique one that will be contagious. I do believe I shall receive some recognition for that. You may have started at Arabica, but I was the reason you came to The Front Room... you are good though I will give you that. I didn't know any of that about french vanilla... I did know about Toffee Nut (apparently they sell their secrets to B&N :)). You win for knowing a lot, Mae and Lyndsey win for customer service and creativity, and I win for the dream. We are all winners when it comes to serving coffee. Shut up Chris we aren't in South America :).
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