i can't seem to regulate.

Does every one else in the world struggle to find balance in their lifes the same way I always seem to? I often wonder if others find themselves in such crazy and stressed out states as I do. There is always something that needs to be done and never a sufficient amount of time to do it in. I try to regulate and balance but I never seem to succeed.

In my life it is typically all or none. In all things, I either do it well all the time, or don't do it at all. This is not healthy, I realize, but I am unsure how to fix it. Up to this point, everything I have tried seems to have failed miserably. There are few exceptions to this statement, but overall, I have not reached my potential in all areas of my life. This is frustrating and I am tried of seeing it all the time.

It appears that this is me. The problem, I don't want this to be me. I want to be a person of character and success. I don't care about certain successes, I just want to feel that I have done well at doing what I have set out to do. I must change, not for anyone else, but for myself.

Personal, wow, that might have been a bit much.

it seems crazy.

Hi. This evening I write to you from the comfort of my couch and the ease of my laptop. It has been quite some time since this little guy has seen the internet. Let me tell you, he is glad to be back in the game. We are going high tech kids... moving back into the 21st century. Or something like that.

It appears as though I will once again be calling myself an OU girl. I am moving into a new sort of education. We are going to try things out online this quarter. Hopefully, that will be a pleasant endeaver.

The paint is up, it is all left to the fine tuning. It is my hope that I will be living in a normal room with nice walls and a window by next Sunday. Cross your fingers kids. I will be moving up in the world. Eventually, my house will move out of the shit hole catagory. It is a lofty dream, I know, but I have confidence in its potential.

My room is ethereal. That is the color. Doesn't that sound nice? Well, let me tell you, it is nice. Very pleasing to the eyes, warm and soothing. Quite enjoyable.

Two dogs are currently living in my house. I don't know that I am mature enough to handle two dogs. The one (Lulu... Bird's dog... the house guest) seems to have this problem with peeing in excess. That involves peeing in large quantities at frequent intervels. Being that we are not accustomed to taking the dog out to pee every 10 to 15 minutes, she pees in the house. You know, the floor, the bed, the comforter, basically where ever she damn well pleases. It does not make me happy. It makes Erin even less happy. So we took the dog to the vet and well, it turns out that the poor little pup has a bladder infection. She has been a bit better since we started administering the antibiotics. Two dogs still make my head hurt though. It is rough.

Erin asked me today if she could get a bird. Soon we will have our own sort of zoo.

today is my childhood best friend's birthday!

I was in Athens this weekend. It is funny how going back there makes me think of so many things that once made me smile. Yes, I thought of you. I went to see Talya. It was great. I was pleased to learn that I can still drink most of them under the table (I thought that I would be trailing behind from the start), yes, even after all this time since the binge drinking, I can still beat the best of them. I did myself proud.

My other intention in going was to relax. I have had a tremendously difficult time doing that here in Akron, so I left. It worked! It was beautiful. I read, walked, ate great heartburn inducing Coffee Cup food, drank coffee, and just was. The point, I didn't do any work in or on my house for 3 days. It was desperately needed. Typical of me, I stopped, relaxed, tried to step away from the stress... what happens? I got sick. Yep, I left work early yesterday, and I layed on my couch all day today. It seems to be some sort of head cold/stomach ache/feverish sort of thing. Not fun, but I think that I will have it beat by the morning.

Will you come and visit me when it is all done? Soon I will move into my own bedroom on the second floor. I will have a bed! There will be a window too! Isn't that just so exciting!?

Lyndsey, do you still love Newcastle? Just in case you were concerned, I still love it. What is your favorite beer?

checkin' one off for July

Hello my long lost friends and bloggers. It is lovely to see you again. Here I sit on this lovely Tuesday afternoon... it is too hot outside to work, so I have been sent home. What did I do when I got home, you may wonder, I washed my jeep. Soon, I return to the wastelands to wax it. Until than, I will sip my Gatorade and share with you some of then events of my life.

Work: Yes, I have been doing a lot of this. I have been spending anywhere from 52.5 hours to 66 hours of my week there. It has been far from pleasant, but the bills are being paid, so I will do my best to refrain from complaining. I have primarily been spending my days in the lathe room, but I have had frequent visits to the mill room as well. I have had the pleasure of filing my first ever sexual harrassment charge, and have led my frist campiagn for equal rights towards both men and women in the workplace. It truly has been a great time.

Home: Work on the casa has been steady, unpleasant, smelly, ichy, hot, frustrating, and extremely satisfying. If all goes according to plan, we will in fact be moved into the upper regions of our house before school starts on August 29th.

The fouton and I are no longer friends. Let me tell you, sleeping on one of those fuckers every night for two months is not one's backs idea of a good time. This is most likely further complicated by the fact that I stand for 10 to 12 hours a day. Not good.

The first and second weeks of July brought a massive attack of bugs to the household of Colleen and Erin. This is turn caused Erin to loose her sanity and Colleen to have a stress endused break down. Don't fret, Colleen has handled the situation. The earwigs are gone, and both girls have returned to their normal state.

Last week we got a washer and dryer. It is so exciting! I have become quite the landscaper. Yes, being a home owner is really a good time. Mowing the lawn, pulling up garden beds, spraying for bugs, and fixing broken faucets is really not so much fun. Did I mention that I do all of this in addition to working 6 days a week?

Mental: Honestly, I might be loosing it up in this region. The sleep schedule suffers. The inward reflection times are not what they should be. My social life has gone out the crapper. Amazingly, my attitude remains pretty upbeat on most days. I suppose that I will just keep pushing through the stuff and eventually, the toils will ease up.

I try to find enjoyment in the little things. Erin left yesterday for Mexico. The dog is staying with Bird, so it is just me and Gomez for 3 weeks. I get to go visit Talya in 2 weeks. I got to see Pete Yorn in concert 2 weeks ago. That was dandy. Life is beautiful.

Now, there are Jeeps to be waxed.

big mess.

I fear that I have let things slip. My life has moved into a state of dysfunction that I fear I may not be able to recover from. Sadly, you have suffered from this. I am sorry. I realize that saying that most likely does absolutely nothing in moving towards fixing what I have done, but it is the about the only thing that I am capable of right now.

My house is a shit hole. Yes, I moved, and I am not exagerating, it really is a shit hole. We are squeezed into 3 little rooms, and let me tell you, there is too much stuff to fit into those rooms. I sleep on the porch, that is my room. I have no bed, it is a fouton. Yeah, you know that fouton, the one that Julie Lockwood discarded. I don't know that I can handle it all. I may have a nervous breakdown. I am looking for sympathy here, but I am sure that I am not deserving of it.

Things got so bad, both the Over the Rhine and The Killers concerts were skipped. The Zooma Tour was canceled, so there will be no Ben Harper, Trey, or Gomez on June 22nd. For that, I am sorry. Really, the only good news is that I got the new Coldplay cd a week before it will be released, and let me tell you, it is good. Real good. Oh, and we got our Coldplay tickets too. That is also some positive news.

The time has finally come. I am having surgery on my knee. Things have taken a turn for the worse, and it can no longer be avoided. Next week, I am going to visit Heather in Nashville, then I will be cut upon my return. It should be great fun.

I fear that you all hate me. I am afraid to call. Will you call me, so that I know if you still love me. Because, I don't know that I have the strength to call you on my own.

I am going to change the suspension on a volkswagon with my friend Jon (Jon is hot).