watchin' the speedin' cars.

we've moved.

2008-05-10T18:34:00.001-04:00

I am now blogging over here.

I also created a new blog for the trip to Russia!

See you there.

UPDATE

2008-05-03T13:43:00.004-04:00

Wow. Has it really been that long since I last blogged? I suppose that the numbers don't lie. Sorry, about that. Well, here I am, are you ready for it? And GO:

It is the 3rd of May. I hit my head last Saturday, resulting in a dandy little concussion. I am not sure if you were around the last time that I had a concussion, but it was not fun. This one has not been fun either. There have been several particular problems. (1) I am not very good at taking care of myself. Really, the problem is not that I am not good at it, rather I just don't do it. This results in an inefficient and not speedy healing process. (2) This past week was the last week of classes. In total, despite my best efforts (by this, I mean despite my efforts to not take care of myself by going to class instead), I managed to attend two classes! Not good for the last week of the semester. (3) Finals are this week. It appears as though I will be receiving a couple of incompletes. Not really, cool in my book, but I am trying to roll with the punches. (4) I am supposed to leave for the Russian Federation in just short of three weeks. Now a nice vacation would be fine and dandy, but I am going to study in an intensive language immersion program. I am attempting to be optimistic, however I am a bit worried, being that I have just elected to take an incomplete in my current Russian language class because I can hardly formulate a coherent thought in English, let alone Russian. (5) I am not really healing very well. I have decided to chalk this off to my not doing what I need to do to take care of myself. So, I am going to be horizontal today, and tomorrow. Hopefully, this will have miraculous healing powers and I will be on the mend before we know it. Also, I have to go back to the doctor on Monday. Maybe he will drill a burr hole and this will all go away.

As far as loss of memory goes... so far so good. I am definitely slow, and there has been extensive slurring of my speech, but there has been little repetition and I have managed to remember things that people have told me. Again, I am going to try to be optimistic. I can only hope that I will not find myself in the middle of Russia with an inability to remember what time it is, or how to ask someone what time it is. Scary.

Update on all the other stuff: I went to the country of Macedonia over winter break. It was great, however I think that it solidified that I don't want to join the peace corps. Which is good... one less option for me to grapple with is great. Up until this debacle, I have had a great Spring semester. My grades would have been solid, and I am sure that I will finish things up just fine come August. I managed to make myself some new friends at school. For the most part they are winners. There are a few in particular that have proved to be great. I added my double major this semester (it was a minor before, so no big deal). If all goes according to plans, I will graduate in May of 2009 with a BA in International Relations and a BA in Political Science. My plan at this point is to do the grad school thing in Washington DC. I am still looking at programs, so I cannot tell you more than that.

I feel out of touch. Why do we only get each other's voice mails? Also, I don't really understand your blog anymore. Did you quit your job? Mae, are you still alive? I am leaving for Russia on May 23rd. There will be a bonfire at my house on Thursday, May 22nd. You should come.

life decisions.

2007-10-17T08:24:00.000-04:00

I am busy. Also, not busy. Will I eventually reach an age or state of mind that will allow me to stop being distracted? It really seems to be a problem, but at the same time, many would probably say that I spend far too much time studying, so maybe it isn't a problem at all.

I have recently been spending quite a bit of time thinking about my future. Over Christmas break, I am going to Macedonia. I will be in St. Petersburg in June and Moscow in July. I have to take LSATs and GREs in the fall when I come back home (or possibly in May before I leave). It appears that I will be graduating in May of 2009 (finally). Hence, I am considering my options.

My options include: International law J.D. degree from Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland State University, or the University of Akron (i.e. become a lawyer and stay in the home region for further education) or International/Comparative politics M.A. from Georgetown, American University, or George Washington University (i.e. become a political genius and move to Washington D.C. for further education). Regardless of the degree I receive, I will most likely pursue a job with a Non-Governmental Organization (NGO, i.e. Amnesty International, Human Rights Watch), an Inter-Governmental Organization (IGO, i.e. UN), or with a think tank (i.e. USIP, CSIS).

What are your thoughts? Seriously, I know that it all seems like babble, but I really could use your input... even if there is no rational basis for your opinion.

Kak dyela?

2007-09-01T11:39:00.001-04:00

When will the grass stop growing? I am tired of mowing the lawn. Although, I guess that the next phase of seasonal outside work is plowing the snow. Hmm. Maybe I like the lawn better. Nevermind.

The new school semester has brought many exciting observations and changes. When attempting to fix a broken iPod, it may be easier to purchase a new one than to recycle (fix) the beloved old one. I am a firm believer of "newer is not always better," so this has been quite difficult for me. The situation has not yet been resolved. We will see if my old friend makes the cut.

It appears that my computer had been dealing with congestive heart failure (CHF) for quite some time. He suffered from a massive heart attack at approximately 1:30pm EST on Wednesday. He has been in the ICU since that time. The doctors are still unsure if he is going to make it. He and I have been through a lot, and I will be sad to see him go, but I am excited about the prospects.

I discovered Wednesday evening that when God was passing out brothers I got a really good one. Quite honestly, I am a bit sad that it has taken me so long to realize this bit of happiness. When my computer flashed the "blue screen of death" my brother responded just the way a brother should. There was positive support via the telephone and then direction for the necessary action. To top it all off, he provided me with a loaner laptop. Without him I would have been lost or at least having a nervous breakdown. I am thinking that he is great. Maybe this is to make-up for the lapse of brotherly action when I ran into the cement wall. What do you think?

Lastly, let it be known to all that the professors from the former Soviet Union (in this case Kazakhstan) are very scary. I am not sure if I should laugh or cry. I make note of this so that you can do your best to avoid them.

All is well here on the farm.

Do svidaniya!

today, in the news...

2007-08-25T11:08:00.000-04:00

Being that the month of August is almost complete, I felt it appropriate to blog. I assure you that this blog will be very uninteresting, as I will detail the most recent events of my life.

The last month or so has been a time of great excitement, busy-ness, boredom, and adventure. I took a class in logic. It was mostly awful, and seemed very illogical, but I had a sort of strange fondness for my classmates, and I ended up with an A. I suppose that it was time well spent.

Talya graced Akron with her presence for a week of vacation. There was fun had by one and all. We took weekend trips to Athens and Bangs, which were both time well spent. I saw the new Baker Center and was almost brought to tears by the Front Room. (Talya told me to pull myself together, and all was well). I bought cashew butter at the Mt. Vernon farmers market, and had the worst "there are no hills" run of my life.

In a second trip to Bangs, I shot my first real gun (a shotgun and a handgun). Thanks, to Lyndsey and Seth for hosting, and thanks to Lin for supplying the tools. This was great fun, aside from the ridicule and disbelief over my never having shot a gun before. Apparently, there is something about me that would lead people to believe that I have been shooting guns for years.

Gomez (the hedgehog) was finally disposed of. He was returned to the breeder and has since successfully found a new home. It was harder to send him away than I thought it would be, but I am glad that he can be a happy hog. I played paintball again. I think that it will be a new fun thing to do. My paint-balling skills need honed, but I can hold my own with the big boys. However, I need to work the bruises. My left boob and left buttock suffered greatly. It seems that the bad ones take about a month to heal, so as soon as these ones are all better, I will be going to get some new ones. It may sound crazy, but if you had ever done it, you would do it too.

I saw Modest Mouse. I mowed the lawn. I worked at the factory. I visited Matt and Lyndsey's lovely house in Firestone Park and had some "grandma like" casserole. My brother John and his wife Tara are having a second kid (due in April) and I am very excited.

Fall semester starts up on Monday. I am taking Russian, Human Rights & Social Justice, History of the Balkans, and Environmental Geology.

All is well. I am going to a farewell clam back extravaganza for Jess M. today. Very exciting.

HP and PB

2007-07-26T09:51:00.000-04:00

Are you a Harry Potter fan? I finished the new book. It was satisfying and came to a good close. I will look back and in the future reread this great series, but I am okay with moving on. I have recently encountered several individuals who are quite depressed and or distraught over the completion of the series. My intention is not to be offensive, but I think that this is rediculous. There are countless good books out there, why invest so much emotion is these seven? I urge you to expand your horizons.

Paint ball. I am very excited about this game. It was a long time coming, and I had much internal struggle reaching this place, but I think that you should all love it. I am what you might call a bit of a pacifist, so the idea of "war games" has and still continues to be a bit repulsive to me. That said, I am not sure how I have become so enthralled with the guns that shoot paint.

I guess that it started with the groundhogs. This urged me to finally give in and go with my brother to his monthly paintball game. Despite the bruises, it was the most fun I have had in a long time. (You know I actually loved the bruises.) I envision Lyndsey Teter, Amanda Johnson, and Jessica Meyer playing this game with me in the near future. While I think that all the rest of you should play too, these are three that I see excelling at the sport. Prepare yourself. I will inform you when the time comes.

boys.

2007-07-04T13:45:00.000-04:00

I have recently been wondering how much the opinion of friends matters when it comes to boys. You see, in the past I have put the opinion of my friends, in regard to the matter, above even the opinion of myself. Further, I have completely disregarded the opinion of my family. Now, being 24, approaching a place where I think that I might be intersted in finding that significant other, I think it might be time to take a new approach.

It is possible that I am looking to revise my strategy because of current circumstances. There is this boy. He and I have been friends for some years now, and it seems that he is putting on some of the moves. This puts me in a bit of a pickle. My entire family loves him and would be quite pleased by the connection. I have a few questions, many of which might easily be answered or resolved, but a few others that might be a bit more sticky. The biggest conundrum... I totally love the kid, but I am not sure if it is limited to the brother/ sister sort of love or if it could evolve into that other kind. The friend pool is either impartial or not a fan of the idea. The base objection is that I could do better, or he isn't right for me, that sort of thing.

So, do I give the kid a chance and take some action to get my questions answered, or do I not get involved at all? Do I go with the family, the friends, or do I disregard them both and make my own decision. Any and all input would be appreciated. Thank you.

It should be noted that this is not the same boy matter that we discussed earlier.

on a lighter note.

2007-07-02T10:50:00.001-04:00

I think that I may be having second thoughts on the shooting of the groundhogs, whether it be with both real or paint filled bullets. My weakness is a bit upsetting.

We had a bonfire on Saturday night. It was a tremendous success. All of the wood that was once the shed living on the North end of the property has been diminished to ash. It was great fun, and quite satisfying to make a big fire all by myself, with only a lighter and newspaper (this is really very impressive).

My experience has thought me a few things, so I will share with you my new knowledge. As the manager of the big fire, be sure to wear some sort of full coverage shoe (as in not a flip flop). There was no real problem with the sandal, but my foot was dirtier than I have ever seen it. Keep a water filled hose and a shovel handy. I had both of these items by my side from the start and they both proved to be essential. The hose was necessary at the beginning and the shovel was needed towards the end. Lastly, start the big fire approximately 30 minutes to an hour before the guests arrive. When the blaze began, it was hot, very hot. So, I tended the fire with the water hose while everyone else stood back about 20 feet and giggled at me frying my skin. It was not the most fun and a bit lonely too.

I grilled. There was a massive amount of beer. It really was fantastic. I wish that you had been there.

emotional.

2007-07-02T10:40:00.000-04:00

I would like to talk about life. Things in my life have been quite good lately. I am very busy, but managing to not get too stressed out and still finding time to do some fun things. It seems to me that I have found some sort of happy place where things are good, while they are also bad, but really they are good because the bad things aren't worth investing my emotion in. I like this place. It is happy, or satisfying, or something.

The state of my life is really of little import, and usually I wouldn't talk about it here unless I was so miserable that I needed to make it known to all. So things are good, but it seems that things with all of the others is not so good. My roommate (the great Erin Molnar) has cancer. One of the other friends is having tremendous boy problems. Another one is drinking far too much, which is a bit disconcerting. Then you have your obvious problems. So, I am sad. I am happy because my life is functioning quite well, but I am sad because my friends are hurting, and I want it to be better, but I don't know what to do. I am sorry, that I can't fix you. I will look into getting in touch with Chris Martin. Maybe he can help.

Oh, and Coke bought Vitamin Water. This makes me VERY sad, and a little bit upset.

2007-06-15T10:28:00.000-04:00

There is a fat groundhog living under my chicken coup. Watching him meander around the lawn every morning had really begun to get to me. After much thought and internal struggle, I decided that it was either going to be me or the hog... there isn't room for the both of us. I asked my Dad for the rifle... he will be gone soon.

Yesterday, I came home from school. It was approximately 7pm and there were three of them, and they are all fat! Desperate times call for desperate measures. I see a stake out in the near future. I am sorry if this upsets you, but I don't like them, and I don't like their holes. If they had stayed in the field, that would have been a different story. Making my lawn a haven of groundhogginess is not okay.

If this seems very wrong to you, please, do tell.

the last sorriest excuse...

2007-05-25T15:25:00.000-04:00

I am sorry. I am the worst of them all. Happy blated Birthday... I know that that means nothing. Like Talya, I also thought of you much in the days before the 21st of May, but then school started. Please, forgive me. I will try to do better. I love you.

My hedgehog smells awful. I have this theory that hedgehogs might be one of those animals that increases in smell as they age. Or, maybe he has hit puberty. Regardless of cage cleaning or whatever, it is just bad. Also, his poops are huge. I think there might be something wrong. You were lucky to get out when you did. Maybe I should change the brand of food that I am giving him. If I recall this might effect the smell of the feces.

That bonfire... it will be somewhere around the 19th of June. See, my friend Jon is turning 30 so some sort of festivities were in order. This seemed appropriate. You are all invited. In fact, I would really like it if you came. Bring your significant others. Also, bring some boxers (the men's underpants type)... I am not sure on the size... I will get back to you on that... best pattern wins.

As of right now, I have read 200 pages in a textbook in the last four days. I need to get in about 100 more this weekend. Bliss.

gone for good.

2007-05-20T11:21:00.000-04:00

You won't being seeing me around for a while. I just got the syllabus for the 3 week intersession class that I am taking for the next 3 weeks. I am overwhelmed and a bit regretful. Three chapters a night, two assignments a week, and a midterm/final every Friday. Not fun.

So, I'll see you on the flip side.

I fixed the electricity.

2007-05-13T09:33:00.000-04:00

I don't know what has happened to me. Was I very adult like and responsible when I lived with you last year? I am of the opinion that responsibility is one of those things that you grow into. Every person has a certain natural amount of the stuff, as in, some are just more naturally responsible than others. From that natural point, is there just a progression of increased responsibility or do we never pass that point and just further mature into the responsibility that was already there? Or, do we just one day wake up and suddenly find ourselves as adults and all of the stuff (i.e. responsibility) that we find is just what being an adult is?

It is also possible that my OCD has just gone out of control, or it could be all of the above. I am really at a lose of understanding.

I finished my Spring semester at Kent State. All in all, I would say that it was quite a success. I participated in my first public protest (war), attended my first academic symposium (on democracy), and I think that I might have grown as a person (intellectually, and emotionally). I am very much at peace with myself, my choices, and the direction that I am moving in (something that I have been looking for for years). I suppose better late than never.

Sorry, I failed to take pictures, but I tore down a barn Thursday/Friday, all by myself, and with my bare hands. It was amazingly satisfying, and now I look at that bare ground and feel great. I only found one dead animal (I think that it was a groundhog (two halves of one whole) but not really sure). The injuries were minor: hammer dropped on ankle causing minor gash, big board dropped on knee causing large goose egg and giant bruise, and hole in right ring finger caused by I have no idea what.

Soon, there will be a bonfire. I will keep you informed.

Where have all the cowboys gone?

2007-05-08T08:50:00.000-04:00

Do you remember that song? Good stuff. I am supposed to be writing a Politics of the Global Economy final right now. However, the Latin American debt crisis just isn't doing it for me right now. I hate finals. This may seem normal, but I am quite thrown off by my feelings. I can manage to push through the entire semester with focus and diligence. Then, finals roll around and I become the world's biggest slacker. At this point, I have no answer, so I will do my best not to fail them all.

I weeded one of my flower beds yesterday. The mass of dandelions put up a good fight, but I beat them out in the end. I hate the grass clippings left over after I mow the lawn, but I am to lazy to rake them. Are there any other options? I think that I am going to look into getting some new gravel for my driveway.

We are going to have a bonfire. Do you want to come?

i need a new starter.

2007-05-05T17:15:00.000-04:00

I am happy to announce that I now have the cable and the wireless internets! The cable guy was quite friendly, but he left the cords a big mess. Is that typical?

Last night I went to see Over the Rhine. It was outstanding, and I told them so. They came into Starbucks this morning. Apparently, Jillian made quite an embarrassment of herself. I wish that I had been there to see it. The show was flawless. However, there was a bit of a high school reunion, for which I was not prepared, and it was therefore a bit difficult.

Were you able to carry your buzz? Was the dinner party a success?

2007-05-01T10:22:00.000-04:00

For yesterday, I win the best roommate ever award. First, I cleared the sticks and twigs that had gathered in the lawn over the fall/winter. Then I removed the giant smelly dead squirrel from the yard. Next I mowed the extra long grass. Lastly, I gave my roommate a lesson on how best to load and run a dishwasher and taught her how to use the fancy bean grinder. Oh, I got rid of the couch too!

I am feeling really good about myself. Plus, today, is my last really real day of classes for the semester, which I think is quite delightful.

lame.

2007-04-30T09:59:00.000-04:00

So, I have the knee problem, and the driving without cruise control tends to make me want to curl up in a ball and die. Further, extended periods of certain activities, like moving, also make me rather miserable. Yesterday, I did both. I drove home from Cincinnati and then I helped Erin move. By 9pm, I felt like I had been run over and someone had pulled my shoulders out of the sockets. My physical state post activity/driving was far worse than usual. I think that I am either feeling my aging in an extreme way, or I am horrendously out of shape. I don't really know what to do, but it makes me want to cry. It might be time to make one of those life changes.

Thanks, for the good time. Sorry, that I made you wake up before you wanted to. You are a fantastic host.

There is a couch in my lawn... what does that mean?

2007-04-27T09:13:00.000-04:00

I am not sure how I will find you in your respective cities without at least an address. Do you want me to be there or not? Help me out kids, get those emails moving.

I fixed my shower last night at approximately 10pm. Then I drank some bad beer and went to bed. This morning, I am painting, so I have not yet ascertained if I did actually fix my shower, or if I just finagled all the wrong gizmos in the hopes that I was doing the right thing.

Last night in world politics, we talked about free trade vs. fair trade. She gave a brief overview and than we had discussion. When the questions started flying about fair trade, she ran out of answers. I, however, had all of the answers those kids were looking for. It made me feel swell. It is always nice when the information gleaned from a college research paper ends up being used somewhere beside in said paper. I think I am a better person for it.

I am drinking coffee from Nicaragua. It is really bizarre, and as I drink more of it, I am thinking bizarre in a not good way.

How do you make your dad listen to you?

cold shower #3

2007-04-26T09:02:00.000-04:00

I think that it is time to take matter into my own hands. Apparently, top priority to me is not necessarily top priority to the handyman. I have never ventured into plumbing, but it looks like there has never been a better time to start. Wish me luck.

Oh, I got a refrigerator! It is pretty.

I'm sorry.

2007-04-25T10:05:00.000-04:00

Mae got a new car! It is a new new car. I was thinking about it this morning, and I think that having the ability to buy a new car might make her a big girl. I am sad. You are all growing up without me. Thanks, for the call. Sorry, I was so groggy.

For some bizarre reason, the hot water in my shower is not so hot. In fact, it is quite cold until about the last 2 minutes when it becomes luke (sp?) warm. Coldish showers in the morning doesn't make for a happy Colleen. If it weren't for those last 2 minutes, I think that I might cry. The shower still leaks (even after the fix). Lyndsey, what was that you said about my dad?

I got a refrigerator! It is in a big box in my basement. Pretty cool. It will be nice to expand my diet to things besides bagels and coffee. I shared a six pack of Newcastle with a friend last night and it made me think of you. It was quite nostalgic. If I had been in a more appropriate place it would have been just like old times.

Remember that time that I ate the salt and then threw up? Priceless.

I pinched a nerve.

2007-04-22T08:57:00.000-04:00

Or I might have pleurisy.

I got a big couch and a little couch. That is two couches, which is a big step up from my one chair when Talya and I lived in the square. They are both really ugly, and they really don't match the paint colors but they are real comfy. The love seat used to be my grandma's (I am pretty sure it is as old as I am), and the big couch was my aunt's (which is almost as old as I am). They both have a lovely floral pattern of sorts. Very much my style.

My stove is in the living room and the refrigerator is still at Lowe's. I cut a hole in the wall yesterday. The shower was leaking. Apparently, the plumber (my dad) forgot to tighten the pipes before we put up the drywall. We are putting up a little door over the hole to allow for further access to the shower plumbing. It is an old wooden fuse box door from Ewing Hall. The word on the street is that Ewing Hall used to sit on College Green between Chubb and Alden. It was the amphitheatre behind Scripps before there was an amphitheatre. My dad stole it when they were tearing the building down. Very cool. (The door, not my dad).

The kitchen floor is amazing, and the counter space makes me giddy.

Bangs, next saturday, at noon?

2007-04-18T08:25:00.000-04:00

It is amazing how much better a movie can seem when educated about the real events that the movie was based on. Case in point: Black Hawk Down.

I am moving. Either today or tomorrow, I haven't decided. I guess that Friday is a possibility as well. What will I do with all of that space and all of my belongings in one location.

I haven't lived with all of my stuff since before I went back to OU junior year. That is pre-appendix cancer... approximately winter of '03/'04. I am not sure how I will handle it. When I am all settled in, will you come to visit me? It will make me feel nice.

Yesterday, and the day before I saw a cement I-Beam driving down I77. My best guess is that this will eventually be part of a bridge, although I am thrown off by the fact that it is cement rather than steel. I thought the house was big... that was nothin.' This thing was just short of three semi lengths. It was pulled by a cab and front trailer and than a second trailer approximately 100yards back. It was outstanding. I wish that you could have been there to see it.

2007-04-17T09:02:00.000-04:00

I think that we should reform our commenting practices. It is very difficult for me when you read something on one blog and then go and comment on another blog. My brain freaks out a little bit and than I have to painstakingly go back and try to figure out what you are talking about. This is hard for me. Example: Lyndsey comments on my blog. When it is time for me to respond to her comment, I do it as another comment on the same blog. It seems that some prefer to read a comment and than go and comment on the commenter's blog. This is where I get confused. Please, make it better. My brain is very tired.

In regard to the Over the Rhine... the plan is to come to the 'Nati on Saturday the 28th (2:30-3ish if all works well). As far as I am concerned, we can go to see OTR or not. I am seeing them the next weekend in Akron anyhow, so I am fine with whatever. However, if you (Mae) want to see them, I am game. Lyndsey, apparently, would rather drink butter.

I have to go to school.

hydrating.

2007-04-14T18:42:00.000-04:00

My home improvement to do list is shrinking. I finished painting the kitchen ceiling today. Tomorrow, Erin Molnar and I are cleaning the bathroom, hallway, living room, and upstairs. After the cleaning, only touch-up paint and fill wood holes will remain on my list. I am moving in on Friday. I am shockingly unexcited about this news. Frankly, I would like to burn the house down. I know that this feeling will pass, but I hate it for eating up so much of me.

Let this quote forever live in infamy, "It would be like nixing the lobster and chugging the big bowl of butter." Although I really do love the lobster, in this case, I am all about chugging the big bowl of butter.

I can't get all of the white paint off of my hands. My pants have all turned cranky and I don't know what to do.

For J-Doe: Not to support G.W. or improve his image, but it should be noted that it was not only in his administration that UN dues went unpaid. As far as I know, the US' dues to the UN haven't been paid (except during the Clinton Administration) since Jimmy Carter became president.

condoms.

2007-04-11T09:23:00.000-04:00

Did you know that the U.S. doesn't and has not payed their U.N. dues for decades (except for when Clinton was President, and he even payed some of the back dues) because the U.N. funds organizations that distribute condoms to fight against AIDS. Since the U.N. provides aid to these organizations, the U.S. dues would also indirectly be funding these organizations. What are your thoughts?

Shawana might have been right...

2007-04-11T08:49:00.000-04:00

I walked into a bar and ordered a pint of Guinness. A young man down the bar looked over, smiled, and said, "Isn't it a little early for a Guinness." (It was approx. 8pm). I turned, smiled and said, "No... it's never too early for a Guinness." Then, because I am the way I am, I looked down at what he was drinking... Miller Lite. Sigh. It was a nice little banter back and forth until I noticed that. So, being the pretentious person I am, I smiled and walked back to my table... thinking... shut it miller lite man... until you start having some self respect I will give you no more attention.

Apparently, I am like that with music too. The new Bright Eyes album came out yesterday, and it is gorgeous. Its style is very I'm Wide Awake, Its Morning but it isn't as good (however, I don't know that he will ever be able to top that, and if he does, I will pee myself... you can write that down). The new Modest Mouse is amazing... amazing. It may be their best album, but we will have to give it some time to know for sure. It just keeps getting better with every listen. The new Arcade Fire and The Shins albums... not as good, but still very solid and worth spending some time with. Going back a bit now... The Decemberists The Crane Wife, I cannot say enough. I struggle to remember all of the albums of 2006, but it was definitely in the top 5. Outstanding work. Damien Rice 9 was also quite good.

Sorry, I didn't mean to go on like that. Bonnaroo, should I go? Do you want to come with me?

I got the grade back for my Politics of the Global Economy paper. My life can now move back into a stable sort of pattern. Is it an indication that there may be something wrong with me because I am so invested in my papers that I struggle to function like a normal human being leading up to, writing, and post handing them in? I will try to work on that. Sorry, that I left you high and dry for so long.

reconsidering my thoughts on fairtrade...

2007-04-04T07:27:00.000-04:00

I hate everything about it.

I have been trying to write a paper for three days. It is not going... well. Yesterday, I spent approximately three hours writing the bibliography. Problem... when I get sources off of the internet, whether they be journal articles or from the general web site, I print them out and and am not overly concerned that all of the citing information is included in the print out. When I sit down with my stack of source material and begin my works cited page, I am then quite frustrated that I am typically missing one little bit of information for almost every source. So, I have to go back into the net and try and retrace my steps to find that item I am looking for. In all cases, I eventually found what I needed, but it was only after I kicked myself for not making sure it was there the first time around. You probably think that this is rediculous, and I can't say that I don't blame you, but I am quite frustrated and feeling the need to talk about it. Life was so much easier when we used real books to do research.

Drew (my nephew) is afraid of grass. Not really the cry when he touches it type, but he makes the most bizaare, irritated/angry face when his feet touch it. (This is very funny if you ask me, but he doesn't seem to be quite so amused.) So, yesterday, I was holding him and decided we were going to go for a walk in the grass. I dangled him over the strange green stuff until he got tired of holding his legs up and after some getting used to, we took a nice walk. Later on, Tara (his mom) tried to take him for a walk in the grass and he got very upset with her. See, I am his favorite.

My dad had a business meeing on the porch yesterday afternoon. It was quite the site to come home to. Apparently, it was the lawyer's idea.

Colleen Rankin Jr.

2007-04-01T21:22:00.000-04:00

I hung kitchen cabinets today. It is amazing how satisfying this task can be. My nephew is walking. 10 months and 10 days. He is a Rankin. I know, it is amazing. I am not in the best of moods, so this will probably sound like I am an aweful, hateful person.

My other brother's wife (Katie) is due do have a baby girl on May 14th. Yesterday, they told me that one of the names in the running is Colleen. At first I said that this was not acceptable. The name was already taken in this family and it will not be shared. Than I gave it some thought and realized the awe that would fill a small child when it realizes that I am the one that she was named after. I figure that this will win me the favorite aunt award for sure. My goal is to be the favorite aunt/uncle of all of my nieces and nephews. I realize that the competition my not be very strong on my side of the family, but Katie and Tara have some tough competition on their sides. Still, I am feeling confident. I feel very strongly that sharing my name will seal the deal. In fact, I think that I will encourage all of my siblings to name their future children after some form of my first or middle names.

a story

2007-03-28T20:25:00.000-04:00

B.C. (Before Colleen). When My parents lived in Athens they bought a house (rather an old house that had been used as a barn for the past 10 years) and started a remodel. When they tore the living room floor and the stairs out nighttime trips to the bathroom were difficult. My mom was pregnant. She had to open the window, climb out, walk across the roof of the porch, down the ladder, in the front door, across a plank spanning what was once the living room floor, through the kitchen and into the bathroom. When my dad had to pee... he climbed out the window, walked across the porch roof and peed off the side of the porch. Priceless.

Let the countdown begin to when I will move back into my house. All that is left... finish painting the kitchen ceiling, put in the kitchen floor, and restrech the upstairs carpet. I have two roommate candidates. Erin Molnar and Jon Kuhns. Who do you think the winner should be?

some comments on the comments.

2007-03-17T10:30:00.000-04:00

In regard to the house fixing... I think that we should do a tour. Well, my house is almost finished, so we can bypass my neck of the woods. We can schedule visits and bring out tools right along with us. It occurs to me now that this might be the stupidest idea I have ever had. Continuing on... we can have a painting party at Talya's and a something else to fix party at Lyndsey's and Mae... hurry up and tear out a wall or something so that we can come down there and fix it. Anyhow... it would just be nice for us all to be in the same place at the same time.

Colin. Well, we can't all be rock climbers. Lets me honest... I haven't really been a rock climber since the last ankle incident anyhow. The fact that he is taller than me, quite cute, still in the 20's and doesn't have a significant other are major pluses. Oh no... is he gay? You know how that has been a problem lately. I really don't want another gay guy best friend. Seriously, it is time. I am tired of this best friend role that I have taken on. It is possible though, that I should be looking for someone a little closer to home?

Mae got her wisdom teeth pulled yesterday. Poor Mae. I hope that you are doing alright. It reminds me of when I got mine extracted. I was a sophmorish in high school and had a bit of a cold. Well, then I had the flu. I was in bed immobile for a week and a half. Hence, I asked you if you had a cold. I am sure that all is well. Make contact again when you can talk.

Lastly, I love snow, but enough already.

USS or is it USG?

2007-03-14T09:05:00.000-04:00

I voted in the undergraduate student elections this morning. It was relatively satisfying, but also quite frustrating. How am I to make a well informed vote when they have provided me with no information? A small link here or there might have been nice. Instead, I had to compile the many fliers that had been dispersed across campus for the past weeks and try to make an educated guess. Two of the ten votes I am quite confident about... the other eight, feeling a little bit uncertain. I hope that my instincts have not steered me wrong.

There was a vote on a referendum of the Undergraduate Student Senate to change the constitution... bylaws... I don't know what it is called. If passed we will have a new Undergraduate Student Government, and a new position for a senator from each college (this I think is quite a good idea). My beef, which I think that someone should go about addressing immediately, is the titles of the officers. Executive director... why can't they just call it president so that I don't have to be confused and spend ten minutes trying to figure out what I am actually voting for. Politics. It is so not user friendly, and they wonder why so few of us vote.

pointless.

2007-03-13T08:05:00.000-04:00

Did you know that about the ICO and NCA? That is the International Coffee Organization and the National Coffee Association. All those years working in the coffee business and it turns out I was walking around fat, dumb, and happy... and apparently completely uninformed. I am currently writing a paper on Fair Trade V. Free Trade in the Coffee Industry, and its social impacts at the civilian level. It is hard, and strange. It seems that everyone knows about Fair Trade but there is no good source information. On the other hand no one knows about TRILS (Trade Related International Labor Standards... the topic of my last such paper) but there is a butt load of information on them. It is a strange world in which we live.

Big news: Colin is potentially a rock climber and he is for sure from Oregon which is outstanding. I think that it was meant to be. If the facts aren't enough... Colin is the male derivative of Colleen. Mere chance, I think not.

happenings.

2007-03-12T09:06:00.000-04:00

Talya and Chris blew through town on Saturday. Ellie Cantoni turned 21 and there were festive festivities. There was breakfast eating at Jasper's which once again left me smelling like stale french toast, coffee, and cigarettes (not good, bad). Then there was much studying. It was what one might call a productive weekend, delightful at least.

This morning I have had potentially the best cup of coffee my pallet has ever enjoyed. Flur Azul, Nicaragua... amazing... it really did taste like carmel and milk chocolate. In fact, the Intelligentsia coffee has just baffled me. I am shocked to say, that they have won my heart. It would appear that I am a Starbucks girl no more. It will now become my personal goal to take all of you with me.

Lyndsey, your home improvement photos have inspired me. That wood floor... the joy of finding such a treasure buried under something so ugly... what a feeling. If I didn't have to go to class, I would pick up my tools right now and set to work on my own home improvement. Further... I think that a short visit to bangs is in order. What are your thoughts? Mae, you should try to get in on this.

in brief.

2007-03-08T08:14:00.000-05:00

I officially declared my major yesterday. First, I had a very fruitful meeting with the Dean of International Relations, and I was feeling quite good about the recent life decisions that have lead me to this point. I am not a majorer in International Relations (which will forever more be referred to as IR) and a minorer in Political Science (let us call it POLS). My language of choice, in which I must become fluent to graduate, is Russian, and I am currently exploring study abroad programs. The top placer at this point is a summer program out of the University of Arizona which will allow me to go to either St. Petersburg or Moscow. I am also mentally picking through the possibility of graduate school, law school, and the peacecorps.

All this sounds great right... Colleen, finally seems to have found some direct... right... no. I was so encouraged and feeling proud of myself, then I went home. My dad is an ass. He may has well have said, "Colleen, what is wrong with you, are you stupid? This plan of yours is ridiculous, poorly thought, and will get you no where. Study abroad... what a waste of time. Russian... in five years... not one on the planet will speak Russian. If you are going to waste your time becoming proficient in a language it should be Spanish, or at least a language that uses the English alphabet because any language that doesn't will be obsolete in 5-10 years. You have failed me as a child... I thought I raised you better than this, and I am very disappointed in you." Now, I am questioning everything. Maybe I should take Spanish... would it really be that painful for me to give up all of my interest in Eastern Europe and focus on a completely different part of the world? So, I am feeling bad and confused, and I need some support. Usually, my mom acts as a bit of a buffer... she is in North Carolina. I am all alone in the choices I have made. Give me something, please.

to you.

2007-03-06T07:47:00.000-05:00

I just spilled coffee all over myself. This is frustrating because I just washed my pj pants last night. So, I was a bit annoyed then I looked down at the many spots and it make me think of Lyndsey spilling coffee on my pjs and blanket over and over again. That made me smile, which was nice and made spilling hot coffee all over my leg worthwhile.

Thinking about spilling coffee and the resent events of the Johnson family got me to thinking about my past physical ailments. Particularly, I thought of the appendix and the cancer which followed. I think that people go a lifetime looking for friends like the three of you. Talya, you made me do something that I wouldn't do for myself, and when I argued, you called my mom to proove to me that you were right. Then you took me to O'Blenness and made sure that they took good care of me. You sat there for my first pap, and held my hand when I felt like I was dying, and they didn't know what was wrong with me. Thank you. Lyndsey, you got yourself out of bed so that Talya could take a test and I wasn't alone. Then there was the enema... it is far beyond the call of friend duty to do that. When it was all over you were there to take me to the follow-up and listen to me talk about how I was really not understanding that he just told me I had had cancer. Thank you. Mae you were there when I slept, when I woke up, when I slept, and when I woke up. You were sanity to my mom... she still talks about you sitting there and talking to her when she hadn't had a break all day, and how nice it was, and how badly she needed it. Many friends would have come into the room, saw that I was sleeping and said, "Ah, well tell her that I was here." You are the type of friend that just sits there, because you know that it isn't about me being awake, it is about you being there. So, you talk to my mom, and laugh at me when I try to talk for two minutes but fall asleep instead. Thank you.

Thank you for being that kind of friend to me. I am sorry when I forget how important you are. I love you.

to be, or not to be... a state

2007-03-05T15:55:00.000-05:00

I have been thinking a lot lately about the issue of state (country) verses world and nationalism versus transnationalism. Which is better? I keep going back and forth... the pros and cons are strong on both sides. When it is good, it seems that it is quite good, and when it is bad, it seems to be very bad... on both sides of the issue.

There exits in the world today, and well I suppose that it has probably existed for centuries, a huge gap between the rich and poor of the world. The average age of death here in the states was just lowered because of obesity and obesity related diseases, while in other parts of the world (much of Africa) people are starving, and dying of malnourishment and related issues because they don't have the money to get the necessities to live a healthy life. (The number one killer of children under the age of 5... diarrhea and the dehydration that follows from unclean drinking water). Many believe that if there existed a global government than the divide between the rich and poor could become smaller, or at least millions of people would stop dying because they have no money. On the other hand, one could argue that on the state level there is also a divide between rich and poor, and if this continues to persist on a small scale, then creating a world government is not going to solve the problem on a larger scale.

Genocide has been a much discussed problem in the news as of late. Hundreds of thousands of people have died in Darfur, and the international community has done little to stop it. In the 1990's 1 million people were killed (in a 3 month window) in Rwanda, the rest of the world was very much in the know when the killings were taking place, but nothing was done to stop it. Why is this the case? Sovereignty. The state is a sovereign entity, therefore the international community has no control or say in the actions of the state. If a global government were created, genocide may become a thing of history. Further, abuses of corrupt governments the world over may come to an end if there were a higher power that were ruling over the state. Many believe however that politics and in turn government is corrupt, regardless of the level, so creating a world government would do no one any good in the long run because it too will be corrupt.

Some say that the opinions, cultures, and issues of the states are so different and diverse that a world government could never effectively serve the interests of the international community. Further, there is concern that the interests of the little guy (LDCs) will be overlooked to fulfill the concerns of the stronger states.

What are your thoughts? Really, I could use some insight. What do you have to say on the matter?

house things.

2007-03-03T12:34:00.000-05:00

Building a house takes a long time. I spent the morning working on my casa. Every time I go in there, I sigh, shrug my shoulders, and become exasperated by the amount of work that remains. Just when the list seems to be getting shorter, Dad adds something new. These negative feelings are not so good, especially because it makes me feel like I never want to go there again. Then, as I am working on something or finishing up a little project, I smile and think that years from now, when I am sitting on the couch or walking down the stairs, I am going to be able to smile and think, "Hey, I made that." It is the prospect of this happening that encourages me and makes me feel like all of my efforts aren't a waste. So, I will continue my work and maybe someday, I will get to move into the house that I helped build.

Today, I have decided that oil-based paint is of the devil. It is particularly unfriendly when it seems to have found its way to your ear. I suspect that for days I will go about my business with this little bolb for 'leather brown' paint on my left lobe. Who knows, today I hate it, but tomorrow I might have become quite fond of the little guy.

Who knew that you had to shake/stir wood stain? I mean, I knew that it was necessary and all (I learned that in junior high wood shop) but I had no idea how vigorously it needed to be done. I might never have known, except I am pretty sure that when you get to the bottom of the can there is not supposed to be a big pile of stain. It was also rather curious that the further I got into the can the darker the finished looked. So, for your further reference, make sure to shake the can excessively vigorously.

It is amazing how satisfying it is to finish a can of wood stain. Generally, stain is the type of thing that you use a bit of here and there and then the can sits around for ten years before you finally throw it away because it has started to rust into the stain, thus making it unusable. Well, this time, I used the whole thing, and I felt great when I got to the bottom (though stupified by the clump of stain). Really, it was so much better than the feeling one gets from finishing a can of paint. Sadly, the can ended just before the wood that needs stained did, so I am going to have to buy a new can, and it is more than likely that I am not going to finish it. Drat.

instead of studying.

2007-02-22T16:20:00.000-05:00

I have had the stomach flu since Sunday. First, when I woke up vomiting, I thought I was hungover. This was a bit unusual because never in my years of getting drunk have I ever thrown up the morning after. I was frightened and I didn't know what to do, so I called Talya. See told me not to eat anything (because I was throwing it all up) but to keep drinking water so that I didn't get dehydrated. Well, I kept drinking water, but it didn't keep me from getting dehydrated because I just kept yacking it up. Around midday Monday, the ralphing subsided, which was good because I had to take a midterm. My mom drove me to school, I took the midterm, then I went home and didn't get out of bed until Wednesday morning.

It is now Thursday. You all seemed to have called, and I assure you I will get to you eventually, but I am still quite a bit under the weather and thus investing all of my energy to preform the necessary tasks like going to class and writing blogs. I appoligize.

This whole lent thing has gotten me to thinking. I am not so much the believer in God anymore (well I sort of do, but it far different than it once was). Let's call me the anti-organized religion. That said, lent isn't really my thing anymore, but for some bizarre reason that I have not quite nailed down, I am feeling like I should give something up. First, I was thinking coffee. But since I haven't had coffee since Saturday anyhow (not so good for the sickness), this no longer seemed like a good option. Then, I thought I would give up sugary objects. Things like chocolate, candy, etc. This is still a possibility. Then I thought I should give up beeer. This makes me gasp, which is why I am thinking that I should go with it. What are your thoughts? Maybe I should just forget the whole thing.

moving the house.

2007-02-11T12:00:00.000-05:00

How does one move a big house? Good question. Well, according to my recent observations, one simply cuts the thing in half, loads it onto two trucks, and drives it down the highway. I have seen this happen repeatedly throughout my life and have never questioned the process until now. The house was too big.

The other day, I was driving down the highway, going to school, and in the distance, I saw a big house, traveling down the highway. Thankfully, it was going westbound to my eastbound, so it didn't pose any real problems to me. It was huge... huge, acutally quite frightening. As I passed it, I noticed that it was taking up the entirity of two lanes. While it was slowing things down, it didn't seem to be creating big problems given that this section of the road was 3 lanes. I wondered, and am still curious to know how things would go just a couple of miles down the road when it entered the construction zone that had only two skinny lanes with no wiggle room whatsoever. This got me to thinking that there must be a better way to move a house. Then, the other giant half of the house passed, and I just chuckled.

The next day, they were driving a yacht down the highway.

chasing buses...

2007-02-07T17:45:00.000-05:00

I chased a bus today. It is cold, very cold, and apparently when it is cold, I loose my ability to make decisions that prevent me from looking like an idiot, or it prevents me from thinking at all. It went something like this...

I was walking, the bus was sitting approx. 50 yards away. I noticed that it was my bus, so I put some spring in my step. Then, the bus started moving. Without thaught, I began to jog after it. Then, I realized that it was moving faster than I was, so I started to sprint. As I ran along side, I began to slam my fist on the side of the bus, still running, until it stopped. I hopped on, thanked the bus driver, and took my seat.

As I sat and took a sigh of relief, I realized that I must have looked like a complete idiot. Then it occurred to me that I would only have looked like an idiot if the bus hadn't stopped, but since it did stop, I looked like the type of person that everyone else wishes they were (you know, the one that has the self-confidence to run after a bus).

Or, I might just be trying to convince myself of that because I am to insecure with myself to be okay with looking like an idiot. Either way, I prevented myself from further cold, so it is okay.

2006-11-14T09:44:00.000-05:00

The Christmas Blend is back at Starbucks. This marks a change in the season. The winter has finally come, and I like that. The Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale is also back on the shelves. This too makes me quite happy.

The Front Room is dead. Well, technically, it is still alive, but as we once knew it, the Front Room is dead. Last weekend marked the official closing ceremonies of that place that so many of us called home. It was very sad. I am sorry that you missed it.

Here is the thing about OSU and Michigan. I don't really care. I am not what you would call a football fan. Frankly, I think that it is a bit silly. So, as much as I would like to see you, I don't think that I will be there to join in the festivities. I also have to go to a Black Keys show here in Cleveland on Saturday night. My deepest apologies.

the beta

2006-10-31T09:33:00.000-05:00

In rock climbing there is this thing we call beta. Essentially, beta is the answer to the problem. It is strange though... my beta may be far different than your beta but both betas are equally right. I am tall, you are short, you have long arms and I have short arms, I have long legs and you have a short torso. The way you climb something may look entirely different from the way that I climb something... but they both work equally well. My beta may help Joe Schmoe climb the wall and yours may make him fall on his ass. Beta. It is quite thought provoking.

Life is much like climbing. I have beta, you have beta, both seem to be working. We take the advice of our friends, but what if their life beta isn't going to work for me. How am I to know that their beta isn't going to make me fall on my ass. Because really, I am quite capable of making myself fall on my ass, I don't really need anyone else's help. If I am going to listen to you and what you have to say, it sure as hell better be right. Sadly, that is not the way it works.

Someone should write a beta book. The beta should be organized in such a way that each of us can fall under a certain type of person: tall, height and apex equal, weak ankles, long torso. I could then find myself in the book and follow that beta for my life. It would have to be general beta... things like... handle problems in this way; when you feel emotionally exhausted, spend some time alone, rather than spending more time with people; when life gets hard, keep pushing, you really are capable of doing it; be friends with this type of person rather than this type, it will make your life much easier.

No. It is necessary that I write my own beta, and every once in a while I will get lucky and your beta will work for me. I am going to have to start climbing again... it makes my reality more manageable. Its processes somehow educate me in life. You should give it a try.

Hello World!

2006-10-26T10:09:00.000-04:00

Should I try this again? I must say... I have my doubts. I am sure you have your doubts as well. I think we should give it a try anyhow. Here we go.

Did you know that I go to Kent State University now. Well, I do. It is great! I must say... no OU but not to shabby. Apparently, OU and Kent are playing eachother in football this weekend, and it is a big deal... at least that is what Jim at Starbucks tells me. Both are undefeated in the MAC thus far... what fun it will be. I am not going.

Lyndsey Teter is a sweatshirt stealer. Mae... I haer that you had a date last night? Eh? Well? What do you have to say? I didn't have a date last night. I haven't had a date in quite some time and well, it is a bit sad if you ask me.

I lost my socks this morning. It is cold in Akron and having no socks is quite unpleasant. Molnar stole them. She tried to give me one of her's but she had been wearing it for three days. I would rather my feet be cold than stinky. I got some more socks though, so now I am okay.

Chris Cantoni was sitting in Starbucks this morning when I walked in at approx. 6:30. It was quite a shock. He looks the same. Did you know that it is colder in Akron than it is in Chicago. This disturbs me. With cold I want snow and although it has snowed, there is not snow. This does not make me happy. It is all white in West Virginia. I think that I must move.

Julie Mazzei and comparative politics is calling my name. Until next time. Good night and good luck.

here i am!

2006-07-25T13:28:00.000-04:00

I forgot this was here. I did not forget you were there. I am still alive. My hair is growing back quickly. Right now, I have the stomach flu. It is much worse in the summer. Very hot.

There is so much to say, yet I have nothing to say. Talya has an interview at Starbucks today (my Starbucks). Soon, she may be like the rest of us. We do have a problem, you know that right, we are pretentious about coffee. Don't feel bad about being a pretentious coffee person. I have been told I am pretentious about coffee, beer, and music. I think that makes me purly pretentious. When you feel bad about yourself, just remember you are a better person than I.

A man walked up to me today and said, "Don't take this the wrong way. You remind me of college." He then walked away. It was very bizarre. People are so strange. Really, I don't know how to take it at all, wrong, or otherwise.

Did you know that Lyndsey lives on Possum Street in Bangs, Ohio? That is funny. There is a Ridges like building on the corner of her street, and it is scary. Seriously, Lyndsey, we got a good look at it on our way back to rt. 3, and I almost had a heart attack and peed myself at the same time. It made me want to cry like a little girl. I am going to have to get a better look at it in the daylight, but I don't think that that will be pleasant either. What is that place, anyhow?

laundry mishap

2006-04-26T14:44:00.000-04:00

I am pissed. However, the disaster that caused the pissiness is of my own lack of thinking, so I suppose that it is okay. Do you have a favorite pair of jeans? I do. Really, I consider them my only pair of jeans (besides the nasty ones that I wear to work that is). I do in fact have two other pairs of "every day wearable jeans," but they have never been my friends, in fact I have probably not worn them more than once or twice. I was saddened the other day when I noticed that my favorite pair of jeans was wearing thin in several different locations and that the slightest of wrong movements could spell disaster. This got me to thinking about weather I was going to try to find a new pair of favorite jeans or if I would try to reenforce the weakening fabric and wear them still. Then came the laundry mishap. It is my habit to try to do laundry every Sunday, whether it "needs" to be done or not. However, I try no to be a waster, so if there is not enough dirty clothes to seperate by color, I throw them all in at once. (This had never been a problem before, but it now proves to be a terrible idea.) I think that it was those damn blue underwear, at least that is all that I can figure. Now, my favorite jeans are mostly unwearable.

I just ordered two new pairs of jeans. It is a bit of a rush because well, I need jeans. It would seem that I have gained a pound or two since last summer (which is when I got my two other pairs of jeans) because though they are wearable, they are a bit snug, and well, you know how I feel about things being snug. It is my great hope that I will find in one of my newly ordered pairs of jeans a new favorite pair. I will sit in mourning until they arrive, and then I will do my best to move on.

the news.

2006-04-17T19:37:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I forget the blogging exists. My computer wouldn't turn on. It was the strangest thing, and then one day, it just worked. There is no apparent explanation. I think maybe it is Talya's fault. It worked when I left Akron. When I got to Athens, it wouldn't work. Oh well.

Those of you who are vegetarians or the good kind of meat meat eaters, or the ones that wear only sweatshop free clothing, or eat only organics... how do you do it? I wish that I was a better person. I don't know how. I am a lot of talk, but when it means doing something besides talking... yeah, well. I am really frustrated with myself in this regard.

Last week, the plant manager was on vacation. So, I worked as acting plant manager. He gets payed the big bucks. I thought that since I was doing exactly the job that he does every day, I too should make the big bucks for the week. The boss didn't agree with me on this point. I made the little bucks. It was hard work and I don't know that my brain and Alcon Tool like abilities could have taken much more stretch. I can see now why he makes the big bucks. It left me wondering why it is if I am capable of doing his job so well, that I am still making the little bucks.

I am going to Motor City tomorrow, which for some reason is leaving me more uneasy than I would be if I were making the same trip to say, Columbus. Detroit just seems scary to me. Yes, I am going to see Death Cab for Cutie and Franz Ferdinand. It really is quite exciting. Wish me luck.

hurting myself.

2006-03-15T12:01:00.000-05:00

I am prone to injury. I am not sure how this came to be. Maybe it is hereditary (my dad seems to have a similar problem). I did it again. I was in a bouldering competition on Saturday. Originally, I wasn't going to compete because I am still recovering from the sprained left ankle injury of three months ago. I started rope climbing again a month ago and have felt totally comfortable with the bouldering for just a couple of weeks. Since my climbing abilities are still lacking (compared to where they were before my injury), I wasn't going to climb on Saturday. Well, my friends thought that that was silly and urged me to climb. So, I did. It was good, I was doing far better than I had anticipated. Then, I did something stupid. I was working a problem without a crash pad, I came off the wall in a bad way and I landed in a worse way. This time it was the right ankle. The doctor on site was sure it was broken, so Ian took me to the ER. It isn't broken, just a sprain. I got a new set of crutches. It is swollen like a grapefruit.

Strange, when I did it, it hurt far worse than last time. It immediately swelled faster and fatter than last time. Now, three days later, it is still more swollen and the bruising is better too, but the pain is much less. I can't decide if it just doesn't feel as bad because I am used to this type of pain, or if it really hurts less. I went to my doctor yesterday and he said that I didn't have to use the crutches unless I wanted to (they won't really make my recovery any faster), so I deep-sixed them. I hate crutches.

So, I am pissed. I can't climb again, but give me a couple of weeks and I will be good to go. I placed 6th out of 13 in the comp. This may not seem so good, but considering this was my first comp and I was climbing on an injured ankle, it is quite good. I am quite proud of myself. Overall, it was a good time. The comp was swell. Ian and I had a great time in the ER. We went to the after party and then the after after party. I drank my sorrows and my pain away, and since have been amazingly upbeat.

Do you recall me ever talking about how sad the state of the ER at O'Bleness is? Well, the last two times I have gone to the ER was in Athens, and at the time, it was quite disappointing. Saturday, I went to the ER at Akron General, which I hadn't been to since high school. It was awful. Keep in mind, my doctor friend, Noah (who is an ER doc at Akron General), was at the comp. He called the ER before I went, told them that I was coming and pre-ordered x-rays. So, all of my issues were completely non-wait related. We were in and out in approx. 2 hours. This aspect of the experience was beautiful. But still, the overall visit was terrible! Give me O'Bleness any day, really.

Also, I saw Peter Ipnar. That was weird. He swears like a sailor now. I didn't ask him, but I think that all that I have heard is true. It kind of made me sad.

this is important.

2006-02-22T11:36:00.000-05:00

Sorry, about the phone call. I really did forget you this time. It was weird.

I got tickets to a show in Detroit. At first it seemed like a good idea, then it didn't.

Myspace is a scary thing. I am a member for communication purposes. I think that some people really are addicted. It is bizarre. It frightens me when people flirt via internet. Seriously, this Joe Schmo doesn't know me from Adam and is making advances. What if I really look like his great aunt Franny?! It gives me the he-be-ge-bees.

license to drive

2006-02-09T19:51:00.000-05:00

I got my lift truck drivers license last week. It was a little bit scary. It is really a sweet deal. I got a certificate and card saying that I am an authorized lift truck operator, legally this authorizes me to operate anywhere in the U.S. Such a deal... I know that you are jealous.

Yesterday, I spent about 6 hours on the thing and now I think I hate them. However, I am a pro. I feel like I should say that my machine is much more attractive then the one above. Sadly, the selection of pictures on the internet of the proper Yale lift truck is quite sparse.

Have you ever heard of mixing a wheat beer with raspberry puree? Seriously, it is the beer of the month at the Winking Lizard this month. I didn't try it; it frightened me. My logic is this, wheat beer is not so good (in my humble opinion... although, I don't think that I have ever met anyone who likes it), then you go and mix it with something as peculiar as raspberry puree, and well, that is too much. Lime is one thing, and I have even gone as far as an orange, but if it was meant to have raspberry puree in it, they would have included it in the bottled package. Really, what will those crazy kids think of next?

standards.

2006-02-04T14:21:00.000-05:00

I used to have them. Standards, principles, and what not. Recently, it has occurred to me that I might have lost them somewhere along the way. Some of them are still there, but one in particular was there. I used to be very much against stealing music. Downloading off the internet was very taboo, and every once in a while I would burn a cd for a friends, but I usually felt really bad afterwards and always made sure that they understood that if I was to give them this cd, they could listen to it for one week. If they liked it they were to go out and purchase a copy of their own, or they were to throw it away if they did not like it. I felt good about having these standards.

They are gone. I think it happened when I moved into 1111 Jefferson Ave. I stopped caring about the right and wrongs of music downloading. First, I just burned it from other people. Now, I am taking it off of the internet. It is wrong. I am stealing. I know that I have to stop, but I don't know if I have the strength. You see, I feel like it is not only about stopping. I think that I should get rid of all the music I stole too.

Is this crazy? The fact of the matter is that I liked myself better when I didn't steal from these artists. I feel better as a person of principle. Other people thought I was being ridiculous, but I felt good about it. Now, I just feel like a bad person.

Felony.

2006-01-30T21:06:00.000-05:00

I like to sit in the evenings, listen to Iron & Wine, and drink beer. It might be as pleasing as coffee and cigarettes in the morning. They are different.

My friend got arrested for armed robbery. He was once a good kid. When we were in high school, he started doing the drugs. Then he moved out of state and all I heard was that he made a Thanksgiving turkey and stuffed it with shrooms. A little less then a year ago, he moved back. We saw each other here and there, talked a bit. He seemed to always be high and there were rumors that he did lines at work. They say he robbed a liquor store, with a gun. My inclination was to believe them. I was sad, we used to be close, and he was such a great kid. Then I thought, maybe he didn't do it, maybe things just go mixed up. I just don't know.

He works with me now. His court date is in two weeks. So, it could be said we are friends again. Lately, he seems to be clean. I want to believe him. Do I have to decide? I will be his friend either way. Does it make me a bad friend if I remain undecided. Regardless of what I think, I try my best to support him. I want him to be innocent. Jail would be no good for him. I don't know, I am overwhelmed and it is past my bed time.

Is it really bad when someone has a felony on their record?

2006-01-23T20:17:00.000-05:00

Today, I was thinking about being taken advantage of because being more skilled than others. There is a part of me that thinks that this makes complete sense, then there is that little bit that thinks it is ridiculous. What do you think?

Joe Schmo is a shitty worker, and when he does do a job, he does a half-ass pish-posh job. You however, take pride in what you do, even if you don't feel too passionate about it. It is all about principle and character, so when you do a job, you do it well. In a perfect world, you make more money than Joe and you get more respect and the better jobs and what not. Instead, in the real world, Joe makes more money than you because he has worked there for forever, and because the boss knows that you are going to do the job better than Joe, he gives you all of the shitty grunt work. Joe gets all the good stuff, the easy stuff.

My dad has been telling me, since I was 3 or 4, that life isn't fair. I wonder if I will ever begin to grasp it, or if I will forever be irritated when it continues to not be fair.

That is the kind of day I had. Plus, the battery on my iPod died at approx. 2:30pm. It was sad.

Personality DNA.

2006-01-20T19:24:00.000-05:00

I stole this from Chris. I am a builder and I am benevolent. I also feel that I should note two things: I do see a need to stick to a set routine or schedule. Although, I do enjoy a bit of spontaneity now and again, I am really a mess without routine. Friends seeking my style advice... that is almost laughable.

Chuck's bitch...

2006-01-19T22:32:00.000-05:00

Said in an entirely asexual manner... I have been granted a new position at Alcon Tool Co. I am now the personal assistant of Charlie Rankin, co-owner of said company. This is both good and bad. I shall explain.

First, the good. I did not get into Kent State as I had hoped. This in itself is an exasperatingly long and frustrating story, so if you really want to know, we will have to do the phone thing. Thus, being that I will apparently not be attending college until September of 2006, I will be working. Now, you all know that working at the factory has never been pleasant for me. So, I really was quite tickled that my dad offered me this new position. I will be making a bit more money, and I will not be standing in front of the same machine day in and day out.

Now, the potentially good or bad... my dad and I think very much on the same lines. This could either be disastrous or just great. It is possible that I will totally agree with him on all matters and be more than excited to do all of the things that he may ask of me. Or, we will disagree on everything and it will be worse than standing in front of a machine ever was. I really cannot imagine this happening, but anything is possible.

The bad (or, I guess it could be good, but I don't really see that happening). Up until now, no one has ever filled this "personal assistant" position. Basically, he is making it up as he goes along. I foresee this being quite frustrating. My hope is that the kinks will be worked out early, and we can move on to smooth sailing. I start Monday. I will keep you posted.

We make knives. Those kind of knives, up there in the corner.

Trying something new.

2006-01-17T21:43:00.000-05:00

Drama bothers me. Somehow, I am quite easily drawn to people who have an underlying drama that is constant in their lives. That is not to say that all of my friends are dramatic people. I go through periods that I must stop associating with this particular group of drama producers (I feel that I should note that I am not referring to you). I wonder how these people live in such states of discontent and unrest, how are they constantly dealing with this crap. All of these thoughts were going through my head and it occurred to me that I am quite a dramatic person, myself. This disturbed me.

So, I thought some more. The disturbance was spurred by two thoughts... 1. The drama of my friends is so often hard for me to take. It seems to push me to this point of emotional exhaustion. Therefore, the thought that I am dramatic really bothered me. 2. I do not like that I feel that I am always dealing with some sort of my own drama. When I am struggling or frustrated or, whatever, it is not something that I want. I really do want to be a happy or at least contented person.

I guess that that is something that I am going to have to work on. The other day, my friend, Jenn, told me that I should try optimism. Then it occurred to me, I am, or at least in the last year, I have been pessimistic about everything in my life. I used to be happy. So, I thought that I would try this optimism on for size and see where it takes me.

Nat'l Geog.

2006-01-12T18:24:00.000-05:00

I was reading National Geographic this morning. Then I began to wonder how it got its name. Regardless of that, it really is a great magazine. It had been quite some time since I took the time to enjoy it, but really, quite stimulating.

This particular issue featured an article about genocide. This subject is quite disturbing to me. Generally speaking, I would say that I am better informed about the genocides of the last century then the average American. This, I feel is a shame, because there is so much I don't know. Did you know that because of its genocides, the 20th century is the bloodiest period in human history?

I cannot begin to express how this makes me feel. We say we live in civilization. We are refined and educated. Yet, hatred for mankind has grown to an extremity that has never existed in the past.

The author and holocaust survivor, Elie Wiesel speaks of their being no distinction between the bystanders and the murderers, those who are indifferent are as guilty as the murderers, "How can you be a bystander? We Jews suffered not just from what was inflicted on us by the perpetrators but also by the indifference of our friends. If those of us in the camps had known at the time that our friends were not ignorant, but indifferent, we'd have gone beyond despair."

Mass killings began in Iraq in 1987. Iraq had been fighting Iran for eight years, and as the war was dying down, Saddam Hussein ordered the death of the Kurdish population. A year later, over 100,000 Kurds had been murdered. Around this same time, reports of the mass murders became available to the public eye. However, Reagan's administration and the State Department choose to ignore the truth. Reason being, the United State had backed Iraq in its fight against Iran.

The U.S. government was concerned only with not offending Hussein. Nothing was done. The only response was that of former President, LBJ... He may have been a mass murderer, but at least he was our murderer.

What will our response be? Will we stand idly by and watch, or will we do something? The future can be changed, but what is to be done about the past?

Tell me what. I don't know.

2006-01-11T15:16:00.000-05:00

I just sipped a latte that I purchased at approx. 11:30 this morning. Something must have come over me, I don't know what I was thinking, but it was not enjoyable. My brother, Mark, feels that as long as the coffee is less then 36 hours old, it is just fine to drink. I find this quite disgusting. Do you find this disgusting? Occationally, I think that the only reason I find it disturbing is that I used to work for Starbucks and serving coffee more than an hour old is not allowed. Is 36 hours the norm. for coffee consumption? It seems really freakish to me.

Why do musicians who are not French or Spanish feel the need to sing a random song in French or Spanish? At the moment, I cannot think of a Spanish example, but Nada Surf has got that French song going on on "Let It Go." Why?! They are not French, they do not speak French on a daily or even a regular basis. Why do they find it necessary to sing in French on their album? It really is irritating to me. I suppose that it may be for their French listeners, but if that is the case, then why don't they just put that particular song on the albums that they release in France? Suddenly, I have just realized how American I sound. Nevermind, please disregard this. I have throughly annoyed myself. Sorry about that.

Have you read The Poisonwood Bible? Can I get some feedback there? Thanks.

2006-01-10T11:36:00.000-05:00

Hello, and thank you for your promt responses. You are all swell. So, here I go...

Guess what... I moved back to my parents' house! It is so much fun, really, I am so overwhelmed with joy that I could pee. Actually, it sucks and I want to go away. Currently, I am in Athens. It is great. Don't you just all love Athens?!

I don't feel that I really have anything relevant to say. Sorry, about that. I have a little bit of hair now, not much mind you, but it is comin' back. Oh, there is something, I tore all of the tendons on the left side of my ankle. Technically, I did what you would call "popped tendons." Basically, I hyperextended and or partially tore them. So, no surgery necessary. That is good. I was rock climbing, I dropped wrong landed on my ankle at a 90 degree angle. It was fun, still is in fact.

I sure do have knack for hurting myself. I think that if this continues, then I will just begin to schedule them into my life plans. Overall, I think that it may be far less stressful this way.

That is all.

are you dere?

2006-01-09T01:07:00.000-05:00

Do you still read this? I guess that that was not phrased well... do you still look at this to see if I have written? Give me a comment, let me know. I thought I would give a go at writing again. I seem to be unable to communicate with you in any other way. This method seems like a good alternative.

I am sorry that I am the worst friend ever. Life has been a little bit much for me lately.

update.

2005-10-05T09:25:00.000-04:00

I am having the week from hell. Midterms can suck my ass.

The dog went to school last night. She is a big girl now. Erin decided not to get her fixed... someday she might want to have pups.

I think we are getting a cashmere goat.

I still live on the porch.

The smoking has been cut down to approx. three cigarettes a day. Soon, I will be done.

Camping anyone?

watching somone die...

2005-09-14T11:46:00.000-04:00

I was talking to my friend Jon yesterday. This conversation got me to thinking about love and our society, both seperately and as one. Both from the Christian prospective (in which I was raised) and the secular one (that I now look through), it seems safe to say that there is an understanding that regardless of where you may believe one goes when he dies, he is not taking the possessions of this world with him. This being said, why are so many people of this place in which we live so hell bent on attaining material wealth?

It is all about what you have and who you know. Our self-worth and happiness is based on the car we drive, the education we have earned, and where that education has taken us. It is all about iPods and big screen tvs, designer jeans, and not working at Starbucks for the rest of your life.

The fact of the matter, none of these things mean anything. Though they may satisfy for a short time, there will be no true happiness found in what one has. I think that deep down, we all know this, whether we would like to grasp that knowledge or not. Why then do we strive after things that are not really going to make us happy? In this way, we shape our lives only by what society wants from us, what it has told us is right.

I have decided that this is a crock of shit. Jon has lost love because of how fucked up our society is. It may be small minded of me, but I truely believe that 'all we need is love.' Nothing else really matters. Having real true love, whether it be a significant other or the love of real friends and family, is the only thing that is real. It will take you through all things. Love is true happiness.

It is here that I must reflect on Death Cab for Cutie and the statement, "Love is watching someone die." This is a line of beauty. At the surface it is one thing, but there is so much meaning. To truely love someone is to sit by them when they are leaving this world, to suffer along with them, knowing that your life will never be the same, because they have been a piece of what your life is. Love is living and interacting with them day to day. To walk with them through all of the joy and heartache (because truth be told we are all slowly dying as each minute passes). Love is saying yes to love. It is commiting your life to someone, it is deciding that you are going to be there for the long haul. To decide that you love this person so much that you want to watch them die when the time comes.

Is there anything more beautiful than this? I don't think there is. It is naked reality. There is nothing else in life worth looking for. With that said, "So who's gonna watch you die?"

I will.

question.

2005-09-05T14:30:00.000-04:00

Why are puppy teeth sharper than adult dog teeth?

I have spent nearly an hour looking for the answer to this question. I would be forever indebted to you of you could give me the answer.

Did you know that only 12% of the University of Akron masters programs require a thesis? Yes, my theory is correct. It is in fact a remedial school.

it was like this...

2005-09-01T20:43:00.000-04:00

mud and sweat.

2005-09-01T20:22:00.000-04:00

Columbus happened last night. There is so much to say, I don't know where to begin...

Did you know that every Wednesday night is bike night at Quaker Steak & Lube? I wanted to go there for dinner but nope, too busy. So instead I met Lyndsey at Max & Erma's. It was lovely to see Mrs. Teter. It had been over 6 months. That seems so not possible to me. Sorry, about that, but thanks for taking the time out of your busy news reporting life.

Dude, Lyndsey took half of an opened Newcastle home in her purse. I guess that 3.75 is too much to pay to not get to finish the whole thing. She is a crazy little one.

Next we went to see Coldplay. It took 20 minutes to get across a bridge to the entrance of Germain Amp. It was crazy, then they made us park in the mud.

We had great seats. Coldplay was great. I like those little British accents. So the show was outstanding, really great. Played all the best songs, great lights, good crowd response, all super. Then, an amazing thing happened. During the encore, Chris Martin left the stage, ran into the crowd and stood there while singing. Mind you he was surrounded by security the entire time. Well, when he walked right in front of me (we are talking 2 feet. he had to pass our location to get out into the crowd.) I freaked out a little bit. This was suprising because I don't generally respond to such things in such a way. This is when I almost peed my pants. Then, he finished his song and ran back towards me. It was at this time that I reached out and touched his sweaty right sleeve (around the elbow/forearm region). I felt the sweat... he really was quite sweaty.

It was amazing... I really cannot even begin to explain it to you. Shortly there after, the show ended and we all began our trek back to our vehicles. The parking lot was a mud pit and it took forever to get out. Mind you I didn't get my jeep stuck in the mud, I was stuck in the traffic, in the parking lot. I think it might have taken a good hour or two. Laura actually fell asleep in the passenger seat next to me long before we got out of the lot. Then she slept all the way home.

It was a long drive and my knee was not in a good state, but it was all worth it. Even if I hadn't touched Chris Martin it would have been a great time. So, in response, the concert was just dandy.

Is Pink Moon the best Nick Drake album?

2005-08-31T11:00:00.000-04:00

It has been raining for two days. Soon, the flash floods will start. I guess it is from hurricane what's her name. Problem, the dog is starting to smell like a mix of wet dogs and worms. You know how it smells like worms when it rains a lot... yeah, that smell. It is really unpleasant. Erin started feeding her cottage cheese (I guess that cottage cheese is good for dogs) and now her breath stinks (the dog, not Erin). Now it is a strange sort of torture when Lola gives me kisses. I am trying to get her to stop, but she just loves kissing me.

This evening I will be venturing to C-bus to listen to the sweet sounds of Coldplay. It is my first time, I am quite excited, however I have heard that they are not that great in concert. Even if the concert sucks, I will at least get the benefit of seeing the Teter butt.

I DVRed this new show that just started airing on FOX. It is called Prison Break. You should check it out, it seems like it will be worth the time. Overall, there is a good cast, lead actor... HOT... VERY HOT.

what credit card is that commercial for?

2005-08-29T10:23:00.000-04:00

Does anyone still read this? Sometimes I wonder. Maybe you have all stopped because, well, I stopped writing for so long, or because I am always whining when I write. Maybe it is the combination of the two.

I am a victim of identity theft. Yes, they informed me yesterday evening. It really is a bizare feeling. I feel like a part of me has been violated since the Romanian tried to steal all of my money. Thanks, to those good old folks at Visa for being on top of things and telling the individual in Romania that he or she couldn't have it. How did these individuals get my credit card number, you may ask, I have no idea! They are tricky little fuckers... apparently, they have ways of stealing your identity that none of us were aware of.

Mae, what is the skinny on your playing at Donkey. I was thinking that I might try to make it down. I need all of the details though before I can make a decision.

Sunday mornings.

2005-08-28T08:44:00.000-04:00

This is my favorite time of the week. I don't know what it is about Sunday that is different than Saturday. Maybe Saturday I feel like I need to be productive. Sunday is different. It is the only day of the week that I get to wake up and do whatever I want. This usually entails coffee, cigarettes and reading until I feel that I can read no more. It is beautiful. I hope that you enjoy this day as much as I do.

This morning I was thinking. It is astonishing to me how different people are from one another. You and I may have all of the same interests, yet we are intirely different. These are the things that set us apart from being all the same, clones of some sort. To think that we have all been created in this intricate detail is really an amazing thing.

I do my best to appreciate these differences in other people. I understand the difficulties in this. The differences are what makes it hard for us to all get along, to live in a peaceful state. What would life be like if we were all the same. There would be no diversity, no character. The differences in people are what makes peace so beautiful, because it is a sign that the individuals have overcome and embraced the differences of each other and found a common ground. They have learned to love and appreciate each other because of the differences.

It frustrates me when people do not even try to reach this place. How much would you like me if I did, said, and believed all of the things you are passionate about? Regardless of how you felt about it, I would hate myself. I am sorry that my being an individual may make life harder for you, but please try to get past that. Embrace me for who I am, and try to understand that my being different from you is really a great thing.

i can't seem to regulate.

2005-08-27T08:25:00.000-04:00

Does every one else in the world struggle to find balance in their lifes the same way I always seem to? I often wonder if others find themselves in such crazy and stressed out states as I do. There is always something that needs to be done and never a sufficient amount of time to do it in. I try to regulate and balance but I never seem to succeed.

In my life it is typically all or none. In all things, I either do it well all the time, or don't do it at all. This is not healthy, I realize, but I am unsure how to fix it. Up to this point, everything I have tried seems to have failed miserably. There are few exceptions to this statement, but overall, I have not reached my potential in all areas of my life. This is frustrating and I am tried of seeing it all the time.

It appears that this is me. The problem, I don't want this to be me. I want to be a person of character and success. I don't care about certain successes, I just want to feel that I have done well at doing what I have set out to do. I must change, not for anyone else, but for myself.

Personal, wow, that might have been a bit much.

it seems crazy.

2005-08-21T22:20:00.000-04:00

Hi. This evening I write to you from the comfort of my couch and the ease of my laptop. It has been quite some time since this little guy has seen the internet. Let me tell you, he is glad to be back in the game. We are going high tech kids... moving back into the 21st century. Or something like that.

It appears as though I will once again be calling myself an OU girl. I am moving into a new sort of education. We are going to try things out online this quarter. Hopefully, that will be a pleasant endeaver.

The paint is up, it is all left to the fine tuning. It is my hope that I will be living in a normal room with nice walls and a window by next Sunday. Cross your fingers kids. I will be moving up in the world. Eventually, my house will move out of the shit hole catagory. It is a lofty dream, I know, but I have confidence in its potential.

My room is ethereal. That is the color. Doesn't that sound nice? Well, let me tell you, it is nice. Very pleasing to the eyes, warm and soothing. Quite enjoyable.

Two dogs are currently living in my house. I don't know that I am mature enough to handle two dogs. The one (Lulu... Bird's dog... the house guest) seems to have this problem with peeing in excess. That involves peeing in large quantities at frequent intervels. Being that we are not accustomed to taking the dog out to pee every 10 to 15 minutes, she pees in the house. You know, the floor, the bed, the comforter, basically where ever she damn well pleases. It does not make me happy. It makes Erin even less happy. So we took the dog to the vet and well, it turns out that the poor little pup has a bladder infection. She has been a bit better since we started administering the antibiotics. Two dogs still make my head hurt though. It is rough.

Erin asked me today if she could get a bird. Soon we will have our own sort of zoo.

today is my childhood best friend's birthday!

2005-08-09T20:12:00.000-04:00

I was in Athens this weekend. It is funny how going back there makes me think of so many things that once made me smile. Yes, I thought of you. I went to see Talya. It was great. I was pleased to learn that I can still drink most of them under the table (I thought that I would be trailing behind from the start), yes, even after all this time since the binge drinking, I can still beat the best of them. I did myself proud.

My other intention in going was to relax. I have had a tremendously difficult time doing that here in Akron, so I left. It worked! It was beautiful. I read, walked, ate great heartburn inducing Coffee Cup food, drank coffee, and just was. The point, I didn't do any work in or on my house for 3 days. It was desperately needed. Typical of me, I stopped, relaxed, tried to step away from the stress... what happens? I got sick. Yep, I left work early yesterday, and I layed on my couch all day today. It seems to be some sort of head cold/stomach ache/feverish sort of thing. Not fun, but I think that I will have it beat by the morning.

Will you come and visit me when it is all done? Soon I will move into my own bedroom on the second floor. I will have a bed! There will be a window too! Isn't that just so exciting!?

Lyndsey, do you still love Newcastle? Just in case you were concerned, I still love it. What is your favorite beer?

checkin' one off for July

2005-07-26T15:36:00.000-04:00

Hello my long lost friends and bloggers. It is lovely to see you again. Here I sit on this lovely Tuesday afternoon... it is too hot outside to work, so I have been sent home. What did I do when I got home, you may wonder, I washed my jeep. Soon, I return to the wastelands to wax it. Until than, I will sip my Gatorade and share with you some of then events of my life.

Work: Yes, I have been doing a lot of this. I have been spending anywhere from 52.5 hours to 66 hours of my week there. It has been far from pleasant, but the bills are being paid, so I will do my best to refrain from complaining. I have primarily been spending my days in the lathe room, but I have had frequent visits to the mill room as well. I have had the pleasure of filing my first ever sexual harrassment charge, and have led my frist campiagn for equal rights towards both men and women in the workplace. It truly has been a great time.

Home: Work on the casa has been steady, unpleasant, smelly, ichy, hot, frustrating, and extremely satisfying. If all goes according to plan, we will in fact be moved into the upper regions of our house before school starts on August 29th.

The fouton and I are no longer friends. Let me tell you, sleeping on one of those fuckers every night for two months is not one's backs idea of a good time. This is most likely further complicated by the fact that I stand for 10 to 12 hours a day. Not good.

The first and second weeks of July brought a massive attack of bugs to the household of Colleen and Erin. This is turn caused Erin to loose her sanity and Colleen to have a stress endused break down. Don't fret, Colleen has handled the situation. The earwigs are gone, and both girls have returned to their normal state.

Last week we got a washer and dryer. It is so exciting! I have become quite the landscaper. Yes, being a home owner is really a good time. Mowing the lawn, pulling up garden beds, spraying for bugs, and fixing broken faucets is really not so much fun. Did I mention that I do all of this in addition to working 6 days a week?

Mental: Honestly, I might be loosing it up in this region. The sleep schedule suffers. The inward reflection times are not what they should be. My social life has gone out the crapper. Amazingly, my attitude remains pretty upbeat on most days. I suppose that I will just keep pushing through the stuff and eventually, the toils will ease up.

I try to find enjoyment in the little things. Erin left yesterday for Mexico. The dog is staying with Bird, so it is just me and Gomez for 3 weeks. I get to go visit Talya in 2 weeks. I got to see Pete Yorn in concert 2 weeks ago. That was dandy. Life is beautiful.

Now, there are Jeeps to be waxed.

big mess.

2005-06-03T17:27:00.000-04:00

I fear that I have let things slip. My life has moved into a state of dysfunction that I fear I may not be able to recover from. Sadly, you have suffered from this. I am sorry. I realize that saying that most likely does absolutely nothing in moving towards fixing what I have done, but it is the about the only thing that I am capable of right now.

My house is a shit hole. Yes, I moved, and I am not exagerating, it really is a shit hole. We are squeezed into 3 little rooms, and let me tell you, there is too much stuff to fit into those rooms. I sleep on the porch, that is my room. I have no bed, it is a fouton. Yeah, you know that fouton, the one that Julie Lockwood discarded. I don't know that I can handle it all. I may have a nervous breakdown. I am looking for sympathy here, but I am sure that I am not deserving of it.

Things got so bad, both the Over the Rhine and The Killers concerts were skipped. The Zooma Tour was canceled, so there will be no Ben Harper, Trey, or Gomez on June 22nd. For that, I am sorry. Really, the only good news is that I got the new Coldplay cd a week before it will be released, and let me tell you, it is good. Real good. Oh, and we got our Coldplay tickets too. That is also some positive news.

The time has finally come. I am having surgery on my knee. Things have taken a turn for the worse, and it can no longer be avoided. Next week, I am going to visit Heather in Nashville, then I will be cut upon my return. It should be great fun.

I fear that you all hate me. I am afraid to call. Will you call me, so that I know if you still love me. Because, I don't know that I have the strength to call you on my own.

I am going to change the suspension on a volkswagon with my friend Jon (Jon is hot).

here i am.

2005-05-19T17:40:00.000-04:00

Sorry, I got lost. Not really, I knew where I was all along. Things get crazy and I run away. I suppose that it is my way. Apparently, I am not good at dealing with problems.

You should see our computer desk. It is madness. I clean it off, and than it gets cluttered. The plethera of cd's is getting quite out of hand. I mean really, I had to move 2 stacks to get to the keyboard. If you think that I like music... you should see the one I live with. It is beyond comprehension. Rediculous.

I don't know exactly why I feel that I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown, but I fear that it is coming, soon. I have been trying to keep it under control, but it seems to be getting away from me. I have started back at the factory, and this only makes it worse. I mangled my hand the first day back, and I have been trying to mend it since then. I am tired of the cuts, the blood, then constant standing, and having no one to talk to. My friends think that I am crazy. After I get out of work, they can't get me to shut up. I contend that I talk constantly because I have spent all day not talking at all. They don't seem to understand. No one wants to hear about work. Shouldn't friends care about friends? I understand that my work and the talk of it isn't exactly what one would call exciting, but it is a part of my life. I feel all bottled up inside when I can't talk about these things. It really rubs me the wrong way.

That is all.

again...

2005-05-12T23:24:00.000-04:00

I suppose that it couldn't be avoided forever. I got another ticket. Yes, a speeding ticket. It had been since January or February of 2003 since my last one. It was long overdue. I was going 80 in a 55. The cop liked me though, so he wrote that I was going 70 in a 55, therefore preventing me from having to go to court. I think that if he had seen my previous speeding record he would not have been quite as gracious. Fortunately, the tickets rolled over when I turned 21. Now, all that I will have to do is keep the numbers down until I turn 25. Somehow, now, that seems incredibly unlikely, and I fear that I have relapsed back into my past speeding/ ticket problem.

It occured to me today that I have to move in 2 weeks. This is not good, and I might start freaking out. I wonder why there is such constant stress. It is not pleasant. Sigh. It is all too much for me.

TI-RED.

2005-05-09T23:18:00.000-04:00

Say it just like that, TI-RED. That is what I am... tired. There is no other way to put it. It must be said just like that... excentuating the syllables. I don't know what I am tired of. Maybe it is just the routine. I need something new. Somehow, the routine becomes a sort of rut for me. Regardless of the excitement that it may hold, it becomes monotomous (I must be the worst speller on the planet!).

My last final is tomorrow at 2pm. I will be done for the summer. For that short time, the University of Akron will not be a part of my life. Such a beautiful thing it will be. Something to look forward to in the fall... DARS. That is right, U of A will start using DARS in the fall. My life will have a little piece of OU. Maybe it will make my experience at this school that I seem to hate a little bit better.

The new will start on Wednesday or Thursday. I will go back to the old men. It is not the best thing that I can envision, but it is comfortable. It is something that I know, somehow making me who I am. The old men love me, they take care of me. And in some strange way, working with them keeps me grounded. It keeps me remembering what is important. I suppose that is something that some people never have. So, I will take this good with the bad, and I will value my time there when it lasts. By the end of the summer, I will be TI-RED of it all, and I will be ready to go back to school. I wonder what I shall do when I join the real world, and I don't have these cycles of change to keep me trucking.

Mother's Day

2005-05-08T15:33:00.000-04:00

My mother has left me on Mother's Day. I suppose that it is a good thing, she is doing what she wants to do on the day that is supposed to be for her enjoyment. I am hoping that she didn't leave simply because she doesn't like me and therefore, doesn't want to spend Mother's Day with me. She went on vacation, and left me here all alone to fend for myself on this day that so many families are together.

I have used this time for myself instead. I sit here listing to Guster and enjoying this beautiful day. Finally, it feels like spring. There are flowering trees and the sun is shining. Loving this weather, I think that I might like to move back to the country. The city noises leave me unsettled. Yesterday, I sat outside my parents house and realized how much I missed the peace. There is something about listing to the birds and hearing the wind blowing in the trees that is more calming than anything I know. It is like a little piece of what I get sitting next to a mountain. My soul has not felt so at peace in quite some time. There is a healing that takes place for me in the country. Maybe I am a farm girl after all. It just took some time away to realize what I had missed or not appreciated for all those years.

I need a mountain. It has been too long since I have seen one. The prospect of taking a road trip to the west stirs my insides. This is something that I must do. It somehow restores me to the child that my Father created me to be. It must be a rocky mountain. The mountains of Appelachia will not do anymore. They need to be the big ones.

Enjoy your day for the Mom's. I will squelch off of someone else's mom. Eat Outback, and play with puppies. All in all, it will be an okay day, considering that my mommy has left me all alone.

the baby.

2005-05-07T12:02:00.000-04:00

I don't know that I have told you about the baby. She is great. I have progressed with her through the growing. She is just over a year and a half and oh so cute. Her name is Ava. She has many friends. We are all of the Starbucks baristas, former (such as me) and present that were there through her fetal stages, birth, and subsequent growth period. She loves me. I love her. To Ava, I am not 'Colleen,' I am 'Cayeen.' It is so cute. You should hear her say it.

She likes to swing. The entire time that she swings, she says, "weee!" No matter how long she is on that thing, the word is never absent. It is hilarious. I like to go to the park with her, and I like to push her on the swing. Before she associated my name with me (she knew my name, and she knew me, but she didn't identify the two as going together), every time that she saw me, she would smile real big and quizically say, "wee?" Can it get much cuter than that? She really is the best kid ever. Someday, I want to have bunches that are just like her.

A sad thing happened this evening, but something great came out of the sadness. A bunch of us went to dinner at Otani (Japanese hebachi type place), Ava and her mom came because Bird's (we call her Bird because she is one of the five Erins, so last names are used to distingwish) husband was at work. Jason (Bird's husband) manages a locally owned pizza joint. Well, this evening, he was delivering a pizza and his car was stolen (watch out Chris, I guess that this is a common problem). So, Bird had to go and get Jason. Erin and I got to watch the baby! It was the most fun ever! I just love that kid.

That is all, I just had to tell you about the baby. Oh, and in case you were dying to know, the other Erins are as follows: Molnar (my roommate), Bird, Alsip (the only boy of said name), Endres (my former roommate), and Crise (she is the newest addition, and taking on another Erin was a major problem at first, but she is cool, so we think we might keep her around for a while).

2005-05-06T17:23:00.000-04:00

Ryan Adams is a gorgeous speciman of a human being. This is something that all of you should know. Making him even more irrisistable, he is quirky... possibly even strange... definately entertaining, in the personality sort of way. That voice. Oh, I could listen to it all day. Stage presence, quality. He is really one of the best performers and artists that I have ever seen or heard. This is a show that will be remembered for years to come. I saw him on Wednesday night. I tried for 2 days to not say anything about it because I said that I was't going to talk about concerts here anymore, but I couldn't contain myself. Sorry.

Arnie's reopened last night. If you are unfamilier with Arnie's, it is my favorite bar in Akron. We have had a strong bond since late 2002. In the end of March, Arnie's closed to relocate. Than for more than a month and a half they were closed to remodel their new location. It was a hard time for me. For about the last 3 weeks, Erin and I have been taking turns calling and asking them when they would reopen. The last week and a half, we have called every day. Yesterday, we called twice (I understand, we might be a bit excentric, but Arnie's is not a matter to be taken lightly). It finally happened, they opened. So we got the possy together and off we went.

The synopsis is this. Good, but not great, and it is certainly not what it used to be. There are a few theories that stand in my favor. (1) Last night was Sinco d'Mio (sorry, I am sure that I spelled that wrong), therefore the massive amount of scantily clad ladies could be attributed to that. (2) It is "the new bar in town" so lots of people (the annoying non-regulars) will want to see what it is all about. (3) Location... it is not downtown, and it is not in the valley. This is almost a gureentee that it will not be frequented by the weekend drinkers because they cannot walk from bar to bar. Their social needs will not be satisfied at Arnie's.

I will not give up my claim. This is my bar. The meat eaters cannot have it. This bar is reserved for the cool old people, and the non-conformists such as myself. If my theories prove to be wrong, I just don't know what I will do with myself. It is possible that my life will never be the same.

2005-05-05T12:36:00.000-04:00

Hello friends. It has been quite some time since I have been here. I am sorry if you have missed me. I was sick... so so sick... I thought for a minute that I might not make it. Sickness is an aweful thing. I think that the awefulness of the whole thing might be made worse because I am such a whiny baby. Oh, the poor people who have to deal with me when I am ill. I am sorry, and thank you, for being my friend through these rough spots. In regard to my having been gone for a few days, I have just updated myself on all of the activities of your blogs. There is a plethera of comments that I have left on your blogs from days gone by. If you are interested, you will have to go back and look. I hope that you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them.

Sweatshops and responsible shopping. I am amazed and incredibly impressed by anyone who successfully lives their physical life to emulate the standards that come out of their mouth. I think that sweatshop labor and child labor is a horrendous injustice. Sadly, my thinking that, has had no impact in my life. I am a US citizen who has become quite accustomed to my luxury and convienience. It is sad. I am quite unhappy with myself. Is this enough to cause me to change? I don't know. One day, I hope that I will become a bigger person than I am currently.

Some tips to those of you who are pursing this lifestyle of boycotting those injustices of our world and society.
Coffee: Seattle's Best, formerly independent, Coffee which is now owned by the Starbucks Corporation, is all about Fair Trade and Certified Organic coffees. They are in fact all quite good. You should look into them. I must say here, I am incredibly displeased with Starbucks. They are the largest coffee company in the world, and they have only one "officially" Fair Trade coffee. This is a shame. Being that they have so much money, I feel that they should go the extra mile and make all of their coffees Fair Trade. This may seem drastic, but AMT (an English indie joint which is actually quite well-established in Great Britian) has recently made all of their coffees Fair Trade. It seems to me that if a drastically smaller, thus less profitable, company is capable of making all of their coffee Fair Trade than a huge corporation such as Starbucks should make some changes and put into action the standards that they claim.
Clothing: Patagonia (the clothing company, not the region in Chile) is the mecca of social conciousness. They put great emphasis on environmental conservation, proper labor conditions and treatment of employees, equal benefits to all individuals, and the manufactoring of a superior product. Sadly, their products are very high priced, but it is most definately money well spent. American Apparel is a great company with great products. All of their clothing is Made in the USA, and sweatshop free. They support Farm Aid and several other socially and environmentally concious organizations. They are all about giving back to the land and standing up for what is right. Another focus, one I particularly enjoy, is their support of environmentally and socially active artists and musicians. They offer a plethera of musicans the manufacturing and printing of t-shirts with profit going to designated organizations. So, look for the AA t-shirts next time you are at a concert. They also have a great website.
Personal Care: Aveda produces and markets beauty/salon products. This company is really impressive. They use no animal testing, and their products are all-natural. They use absolutely no chemicals. Check them out, their stuff is for boys and girls.

I have been researching these issues as of late. The wheels up there are spinning. I have come up with no final decision, but I have reached a point that I am saddened and frustrated with myself. I complain about these problems, but I have done nothing to stop them. The first step is to change my actions and decisions, but I changed nothing about my actions and lifestyle. That said, Talya, are there plans to write letters or a letter to Starbucks? If there aren't plans than there needs to be. I have some words. I am done now. Sorry, if that was all incredibly boring for you, I thought it might be helpful and interesting to some of you.

on a lighter note...

2005-04-29T01:03:00.000-04:00

The original plans have changed... I am not moving to the apartment that was previously mentioned here. It was decided that we could do better... the place was a little... shall we say... dingy. Instead of settling for this apartment that neither of us really liked, simply because they would allow us to have a dog, we are going with another option. We are moving to the country, and no, we are not planning on eating a lot of peaches. That is right kids... it can be said... we are moving to a farm. (I prefer to stear clear of the whole 'farm' word, but Erin uses it fondly.) Come the end of May, I will be a farm girl once again. We are moving just down the street from my parent's house, to a little farm that my dad bought 7 or so years ago. It will be all our own. With a little remodeling, I think that it will be just dandy. Erin will have her garden, and neither of us will have to pay rent. The dog will live and play happily, and it will be a beautiful thing.

Have I told you recently how much I like Mae Klingler? She is swell. The voice of reason in the midst of chaos. Mae-Mae, there is no one that will ever take your place, and you will always be the "original roommate."

To shed some more light on my life, I feel that it is appropriate to share with you the summer concert schedule, both past and present. It goes a little something like this:

1. Over the Rhine (The Kent Stage, Kent, OH)
2. The Black Keys (The Lime Spider, Akron, OH)
3. Gomez and Cake (Mem. Aud, Athens, OH)
*These have all already happened.
4. Ryan Adams. May 4. (HOB, Cleveland, OH)
5. Over the Rhine. May 27. (The Lime Spider, Akron, OH)
6. The Killers. May 28. (Scene Pavilion, Cleveland, OH)
7. Modest Mouse. June 8. (I don't know where, Cleveland, OH)
8. Gomez, Ben Harper and others. June 22 (Riverbend Music Center, Cincinnati, OH)
9. The Black Keys, Ben Harper, Donavon Frankenreiter and others. July 13. (Blossom Music Center, Cuyahoga Falls, OH)
10. Coldplay. August 31. (I don't know where, Cleveland, OH)

It is all so exciting. The only thing that could make me more happy now is if Pete Yorn decided to tour and came to Cleveland... or Josh Rouse, that would make me happy too. I am flowing over with joy.

it hurts me.

2005-04-28T19:15:00.000-04:00

I have to vent. I am frustrated, and normally, I would not use blogger as an outlet to express this frustration, but I feel that at this time it is appropriate.

I am a human, that being said, it should be understandable and even expected that I will make mistakes. I am flawed, and far from perfect. I will be the first one to admit this about myself. In some cases, it may be acceptable, even good, for a friend to point out these flaws. However, I think that there are certain times when love is what is needed, not a harsh word.

Sometimes, I am a shitty friend. I am sorry, if you have suffered from my selfishness or my issues. I make mistakes, and I don't always handle things in the best way, but that is in no way a reflection of how much I care about you. I want to be a better friend, these are not just empty words, but sometimes there is just a certain amount that I am capable of. I am sorry if that is not enough for you. Maybe I am not worth having as a friend.

There are certain things about myself that I am far from happy about. I understand that you may not be happy about them either. I often make decisions that have negative reprocussions, that hurt me and sometimes you. For that I am sorry, but I cannot change what is already done. It may be that I am not the person that I once was, or that the decisions that I am making today may indicate that to you. Despite what things may look like on the outside. I am still me. Inside, I am still the same person. This is something that will not change about me.

I smoke. I have struggled with this problem since my freshman year in high school. I know that this is a frustration to you, but I am not capable of making this better right now. I like music a lot, and what I find in my music is not something that I can find in christian music. If that bothers you, I am sorry. I have not gone to church regularly since I first left OU in the spring of 2003, but there is an extensive list of legitimate reasons for that, and I do not feel that it is your place to tell me, every time that you think it appropriate, that I need to go back to church. Though that may be true, you telling me all the time is not going to get me there any faster.

It occurs to me that you are most likely going to be very displeased with me for having written all of this on my blog. In response to that I must say, it was very offensive to me that you criticized me through comment, which others read, rather than keeping it between us, and than, to further bother me, you put a guilt trip in your own blog posting. This is not what I need from you. I understand that friends challenge eachother, iron sharpens iron and all that, but I need more than constant criticism from you. I need love too. It is possible that I am overly sensitive, but I care a tremendous amount about your friendship, and there is great weight in your words. Though the challenges are good, I need the encouragement as well.

For Fellers

2005-04-25T23:52:00.000-04:00

A post just for you, my friend Lyndsey Fellers. I must laugh... Matt is moving to Fairlawn. These are my stomping grounds. This is the place that I have played since I was a wee one. My top Fairlawn outing is Starbucks. This is the location of the store that I worked at for the year that I was not at OU. I also enjoy the Swenson's. You have got to try the Swenson's.

Where exactly in Fairlawn is Matt moving to? What exactly is he moving here for? Job? Where at. I want all the details. Do you all need help moving? I could probably make myself available, pending on when it is all going down. Email me if you want and I will give you my digits and you can call me.

I hope that this was helpful.

some changes.

2005-04-25T19:53:00.000-04:00

So, I added some things, and I changed some other things. The music is good. Look at it. My new title... try to figure out where that phrase comes from. If you get the answer right, there will be a prize. There is no deadline here, take your time, whoever gets it first wins. The new subheader... sadly, those two things are a large part of my life... also, the title of a movie... you should watch it.

We put down the security deposit for a new apartment this evening. I am not so sure about it. Oh well. It is only two blocks from my house now and they will let us have the dog. Whatever. I might stress too much.

Oh, and my jeep has gone and quit on me. I got to ride in a tow truck this morning! Now, I get to drive the multi-colored jeep. We are featuring 4 colors on the outside, and 2 different interior colors. I look like a clown.

The Rubber City

2005-04-24T21:51:00.000-04:00

Interesting things about Akron, Ohio. There is not a whole lot I can say about this, but I will do my best to keep your attention.

The city of Akron is known for its rubber production. Specifically, a shit load of tires used to be made here. The Goodyear factory is still ticking, but Firestone Tire left years ago. A dude named Harvey Firestone is from Akron, he started Firestone tire. This company used to have a contract with Ford motor compay. Henry Ford and Harvey Firestone were good friends. All the big old houses, that the rich executives used to live in, are in West Akron. All the wealthy people lived in West Akron because the wind always blows in such a direction that none of the smog from the tire factories that are downtown never comes west. So the gettos of Akron are north and east. These are the places that one would want to avoid when visiting.

Downtown Akron is home of the National Inventors Hall of Fame, and the University of Akron, which is the second largest university in the state. Akron is also the base of NEOUCOM which is a nationally recognized medical school program. There are also a variety of bars, such as you may find in uptown Athens.

Music. There is a decent little music scene here. Several famous individuals have come out of the city. These would include, the gents of The Black Keys, Lovedrug, and Joseph Arthur.

We also have the privelege of saying that there are 4 Starbucks in a 4 mile strip of West Market Street. I am also proud to say that Summit county (of which Akron is the center) voted democratic. It was one of only a few counties in Ohio that went to John Kerry.

If all that wasn't enough for you... I was born at Akron General Mecical Center. You should need nothing more to convince you that Akron is the place to be.

*I feel that now I must make a disclaimer. I understand that most of you could care less about any of this, however, I was asked to express to you some interesting things about Akron, and well, I aim to please.

the hunt goes on.

2005-04-23T12:18:00.000-04:00

Lyndsey, I feel your pain. I too have been looking for an apartment that will allow us to have little Lola (that is the puppy), and I have had no luck. She is just a wee little pup. I don't see what the problem is. My response to the constant turndowns has become almost unbearable. To say I am excessively discouraged is a drastic understatement. However, I am trying to keep my head up. We still have just over a month. Something is bound to come around... yes?

I did something new yesterday. Possibly something crazy. Just after 3pm, my roommate and I hopped in the car, drove to Starbucks, got some drinks, than drove 3 hours to the beautiful little town of Athens, Ohio. This part of the trip would have gone on without a hitch, except for the massive construction and stupid drivers. Needless to say, I was dealing with a mild case of road rage.

Upon arrival in Athens, we picked up the lovely Talya Strader, consumed some Pita Pit (how can it be that it had been almost a year since I had this amazing food), then chatted with Talya until she had to go to work at 8pm.

Next was Gomez and Cake. The bands... yes, I have a problem, I know. In my defense, I must say, it is concert season. Eventually, things will die down. Really. This one was a great show. I cannot even begin to express to you how amazing it was. Gomez... yeah, I tried to get them to come home with me, but they didn't seem all that interested. I can't figure it out. I thought for sure that when I told them that I named my hedgehog after them that it would clinch the deal. Maybe next time.

The show ended and then the rains came. It was a sort of torrential downpour. Not my idea of fun driving conditions. So, I got me some grogg, gave TD a final farewell, resumed my position in the drivers seat and we embarked back to the homeland. The drive was not what one would call a pleasant experience. All the cops tailed me (which prevented me from speeding, which if you know me at all, you know that this is a problem), it poured all the way home, I had to get off the highway 3 times before I found an open gas station, and Erin slept all the way home. Don't misunderstand me, it was okay that Erin slept. She had to be at work at 5:30am to open the Starbucks. I was just a little lonely. So I sang... a lot. Drank lots of coffee and smoked lots of cigarettes. We arrived at the casa at just after 3am. It was a crazy, crazy trip. There must be some sort of life lesson or bit of wisdom that I should learn from this trip, but all I can think about now...

This set of knees has got to go. I need to get me some new ones.

untitled.

2005-04-12T14:07:00.000-04:00

I just realized that I talk about drunk people and concerts too much. From now on, I am going to try to keep that to a minimal. I appologize if this has been an annoyance.

Today, we will talk about houses, puppies, and reading. First, houses... I am attempting to buy a house. Actually, I am trying to convince my dad to buy me a house that I would eventually purchase from him, or sell at a later date for profit. This evening will be the final pitch... say a little prayer. The house of my desire is located here in West Akron, at the corner of Exchange and Westover. It is a beautiful little brick house with a nice 2 car garage. There are 4 bedrooms, which at this point I am not really sure what I will do with, but the best part, there is a breakfast knook! It is so adorable, really, you must see it.

The thing is this, the house is on the big side, at least for just little old me. There are 4 bedrooms, one of which I will occupy. I assume one will work nicely for a little office of sorts. Molnar is going to live in the third, but that leave one extra. Any takers? Now I must say, I am going to be very selective in my roommate selection, and if I even get the house is still very much up in the air, but it could be a possiblity. Talya, Mae-Mae, the two of you would be at the top of my roommate selection list. Would either of you possibly be interested in relocating to Akron?

Puppies: I had a puppy pee on my white tank top on Sunday. Did you know that puppy pee is clear?! No, it is not yellow like the typical pee type. Who knew!? I certainly didn't. Erin selected her puppy. She has been named Lola (as in the cross-dresser). As soon as Lola was picked out of the three little puppies, I was not allowed to hold her. Apparently, Molnar is concerned that Lola will decide that she likes me better, so to prevent this from happening, I will not be allowed to play with her until it is certain that Erin is her favorite. It seems a little strange to me, but whatever. She is so cute by the way. It almost makes me want one for my very own.

Reading: I have been doing too much of it lately. Seriously, it might be becoming a problem. I am not sure how to go about controling myself. Mae, I read that Chuck Klosterman book. It was swell, thanks for the recommendation.

Randoms: I decided yesterday that I am going to keep my hair cut short for the summer. I will continue to buzz cut it until about mid-august, than I will proceed in the growing out process. It just seems like a fun summer thing to do. Thoughts? Do you all still love me, because I have been wondering lately. Please, tell me that you love me.

crazy drunk ladies.

2005-04-09T18:52:00.000-04:00

Why is the world such a sad and crazy place? Today, a woman was crossing the Tops parking lot, just having bought her groceries, and she was hit by a car. Apparently, the driver was driving a bit too fast. The woman died. Last Thursday, a friend of mine died in a car accident. She was broad-sided by a truck, broke her neck and was killed almost instantly. She used to be my favorite Starbucks customer. Why do these things happen? It makes me sad.

Last night the Black Keys were in Akron. We went, because well, I like the Black Keys. I am not sure if it is Erin or me that attracts these obnoxious people, but a drunk 40ish year old woman attached herself to us. The funny of the night was this... I went to the bathroom, walked in the door, and a woman standing before the mirror turned and proceeded to rub my shaved head vigorously. This in unacceptable. I felt as though I had been molested. While this was going on, Erin was left alone with the wasted lady. The conversation is said to have gone something like this... Wasted Lady: "What is your friend's name?" Molnar: "Colleen." WL: "Do you lover her?" M: "Well, she is my friend so, yes, I love her." WL: "Do you want to be involved." M: "No. She is my friend."

Yikes... I think that is real funny. The other funny was when the WL told me that Erin smelled. I looked at her in a confused sort of way and said, "Good or bad?" She proceeded to pinch her nose, shake her head, and say, "Bad." I must state in Erin's defense, she didn't smell bad, and never before have I heard this complaint about her. If anything, I am the smelly one.

Folks, the whole experience was really bizarre. Quite frankly, I could have done without it. The Black Keys were outstanding though. That portion was pure enjoyment. My ears were buzzing at extreme levels when we left though, and I seem to be talking at a much louder level than usual today. That is the price you pay for good music.

OTR

2005-04-03T17:39:00.000-04:00

The information you will recieve in this post is directed mostly towards a Miss Mae Klingler, however, it may be interesting to the rest of you as well. Hence why I am writing, rather than just calling Mae and telling her.

Last night I had the privledge of attending the best Over the Rhine show ever preformed. Molnar says that it was just for me, because who knows, maybe it wasn't as enjoyable for some of the rest of the audience. I however, loved it. They sang all of the best songs... including, Suitcase (eat your heart out Klingler), Latter Days (my first favorite OTR song), Ohio, Spark (my favorite song on the new album). Dude they even busted out one from Ametuer Shortwave Radio. All of the best songs from Drunkard's Prayer were also featured. It was swell. You should have been there.

bustin' out the road hat...

2005-03-31T10:09:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I put the top down. It is the simple things in life, such as these, that make my heart happy. Seriously, you could have given me any sort of devistating news yesterday and I don't think it would have phased me. It brought back memories from the days of old. I am not sure why, but all I could think about was going to Larry's Dawg House and getting peanut butter milk shakes with Talya, Mae, and Lyndsey. That time that Lyndsey wouldn't use the door to get into the back seat... she just kept climbing in at the tire. Sigh. I miss those days. It would be a beautiful thing if the four of us one day lived in the same city again. I am not holding my breath though... just wishing.

Another beautiful thing about taking the top down is the rebirth of the road hat into my life. You know what I am talking about. Sadly, this year, the road hat isn't a part of me as it used to be. Though this may be old news to some of you, the new news is that I shaved my head. The purpuse of the road hat has always been to keep the hair from blowing all round. Well, when the hair isn't so much blowable, the road hat becomes somewhat unnecessary. However, I think that I will continue to wear it, just to keep the tradition alive.

I love having no hair. When I die, shave my head and put me in the dirt. This is the way that I would like to be remembered. The not so good thing... I got roasted yesterday. We are talking extreme sun burn. I don't know what I was thinking... I suppose that the problem was that I wasn't thinking at all. So, today, I am suffering. Such is life.

Having a shaved head in Akron is better than I expected. I think that the difference is that here, people think judgemental things and proceed to keep their mouth shut, where as in Athens, people think judgemental things and than tell me all about those thoughts. It is better here than the last time. I think that my favorite vocal response was from Mae. It went something like this:

"So guess what... I shaved my head." "No, you did not!?" "Yeah, I did." Semi intense laughter, followed by, "That is awesome. When I picture you in my head, even before, when you had hair, you are the bald Colleen. I think that is the way that I will always envision you. You will always be bald to me." It makes me laugh and smile, and feel good inside.

going away.

2005-03-23T13:20:00.000-05:00

After spending much time evaluating my life, I have decided that it would be good for me to go away for a while. I am not exactly sure what this will entail or even when it will take place, but be prepared because it is going to happen. The issue at hand is that I need to graduate from college, so I think that this proposed trip is either going to have to provide me with some sort of college credit, or it is going to have to take place after this graduation happens. But lets be honest, that probably isn't going to happen for quite some time, so I would prefer the first option. The credit option is also better because my dad can't give me crap for wasting 3 months of my life when I should be going out into the real world and finding a real job.

There are some trip options that I am looking into, but I just can't seem to make up my mind. The Patagonia trip with Outward Bound Wilderness looks the most exciting to me, but it is only 50 days and it only offers 4 credit hours. The trips with NOLS are amazing, yet somehow it just doesn't look as exciting. However, with NOLS I would get 16 credit hours and the trips are longer. Most of the ones that I am looking at are from 80-90 days. They are also more expensive though. Hmm... I just don't know. That is all. I needed to get it out there.

I would also like to state that I have a job. This job requires that I be at work at 6am. Therefore, if you call me at 10:55pm, than I am not going to answer the phone because I am most likely sleeping. It is also quite possible that I will be extremely irriated that the phone has disturbed me from my slumber. I love it when you call me, but try to keep it to between the hours of 6am and 10pm. Thank you, for your time and consideration.

good friends.

2005-03-17T22:27:00.000-05:00

My dad always says two things. (1)Who is looking out for you? (2)You choose the people that you surround yourself with. Surround yourself with people that love, support, encourage, and allow you to be who you are.

Every day, I am realizing more and more how true these things are. My dad likes to talk a lot, because of that, some of the things that he says are not so much noticed, but this is gold. Having good, true friends in life is a huge blessing. This evening, it occurred to me that I have several good friends. To have this gift in life, people that really do love, support, encourage, and allow me to be me, this is irriplaceable. It is sad to think that many people go through life without ever holding on to the good ones, or maybe without even encountering the good ones.

Therefore, friends, I must thank you. Thanks, for loving me, for understanding when I don't call for months, or don't answer my phone when I feel like my life is falling apart. Thanks, for being honest when I need to be rebuked, and for saying just the right words when I am in great need of encouragement. Thank you, for supporting me in all that I pursue, and for challenging me to be a better person.

I am sorry, that I am not always the friend that I would like to be. Always know, and never doubt how much I truely love and appreciate you. Know that I value you more than I will ever be able to express. I will hold on to you for forever, and I love you.

chapped hands and face beaters...

2005-03-15T21:16:00.000-05:00

Today, my roommate asked me if being a nice person would ever give anything back to her, or if it would only continue to make her life miserable. I had no response. The problem... I often feel this way myself, therefore, I was completely uncertain how to respond. Sometimes, I wish that I could just make everything better. It is hard for me to watch my friends hurt. I realize that there is nothing that I can do but love them, but that often times leaves me unsatisfied. Why all this suffering? I want Jesus to come back, but at the same time, I want him to put it off a bit longer. There are certain people that are so close, but they just aren't there yet. Jesus, if you could just wait until those ones sign on, than I will be happy. Thanks. Until than, could you try to work with this pain a little? You are swell.

Okay, back to people sucking. I am irritated. There is this moron that keeps commenting on Mae's blog, and he is really starting to tick me off. Seriously, if I knew who this individual was, than I would surely have some words for him. We are talking the not so nice words, and a possible, I am going to beat your face in. It is really strange to me that people feel better about themselves by putting others down. It makes me want to say... "What the hell is wrong with people today?! I hate them all!"

Saturday at work, I got a giant steel splinter in my right index finger. Yesterday, I spent some time with the tweezers and got it out. It hurt. Sadly, as is often the case with the metal type splinters, I only got part of it out. Well, it would seem that sometime between Saturday and this morning, it got infected. (It seemed that it was getting real irritated yesterday, that is why I went through the pains of getting it out.) I suffered through work, and than after my shower, I attacked it with full furry. After squeezing out an excessive amount of whitish yellow puss, I picked and poked until I felt like I was going to pass out. Than I got the knife. Using a sort of scalpel skin from muscle seperating technique that I picked up in BIOS 171, I got the fucker out. I am sorry for the harsh word, but it was a giant pain in my ass. My current medical condition is that I will most likely not loose the finger, and the infection will certainly subside, but the gaping hole is going to be a bit or extremely uncomfortable for several days. Yuck. I can hardly wait to go to work tomorrow and submerge my hands in oil and coolant! It is going to feel so good! Seriously though, pray for my hands. They are so chapped, I think that they might fall off.

what a day.

2005-03-13T21:27:00.000-05:00

I actually did it. I woke up this morning and I got my little butt to work. Amazing... talking about it is always easy, but doing it is an altogether different thing. It really was a highly productive day of doing things that I really didn't want to do. First, I did the work thing. Than I came home and showered. I am not sure why, I thought it was the sort of thing that one is supposed to outgrow, but I hate showering. Sadly, this is one of those things that one just shouldn't avoid. Than I sat on the couch for what seemed like hours and read Anna Karenina. I have been reading this book since July (I think it was July). It is too long... I can't handle it... not bad... it just won't hold my attention. Thankfully, I have less than 100 pages left. It should be wrapped up well before the end of the week. Now, you may wonder what was so bad about a relaxing afternoon of reading. Nothing. The issue was the reasoning behind why I read all afternoon. Endres moved out today. Being that both Molnar and I were concerned about the safety of our belongings while she and her various friends were moving her stuff out, it was decided that one of us needed to be here to watch over things. Well, Molnar and Endres have hardly been on speaking terms since Endres moved out, and due to the emotional stress that the situation causes Molnar, it was decided that I would be here for the duration of the moving out process and Molnar would be far far away. Based on the fact that I have been quite civil towards Endres since this whole thing began, I thought that the afternoon would be at least semi-bearable. Oh, how I was wrong. She was such a bitch to me. In fact, the abusive boyfriend, Jesse, was nicer to me than she was. I must say that I have done nothing to deserve this sort of treatment.

Hence, my afternoon was spent reading Anna Karenina and watching certain personal belongings like a hawk. Nothing was harmed, although she did steal the trash cans. Rediculous, I tell you. Than, after it was finally all over, I vacuumed! Yes, that is right, I vacuumed. It was important to me that all remnants of her were gone, and I wanted to move the desk, so vacuuming was a must. When that was all over, I went to my grandma's. Oh, and you know how much I just love Sunday nights at Grandma's house. Needless to say, it was rough.

I put in my dues... the time arrived when I could finally go home and just be... but no! I must have missed the memo, but apparently, this evening was "stupid people get in your cars and drive around night." This prevented me from getting home in the timely fashion that I had hoped, and it caused me a tremendous amount of frustration. Also, it must have been "stupid people go to Giant Eagle in Fairlawn and get in line in front of Colleen Rankin night." All I have to say is, I am done! I am turning my brain off and going to bed. You will not see me again for quite some time.

Saturday.

2005-03-12T20:40:00.000-05:00

Today, I worked. This is the first Saturday that I have worked at Alcon since I was in high school. It was strange. I am tired. It is Saturday night at 8:30, I got home from work at 4:30, and I have done nothing but shower, eat dinner, and read. This most likely sounds sad to you. To me, however, it has been beautiful. I am tired. I think that I am going to go to sleep as soon as I finish here.

The amazing thing is this... I am working tomorrow. In my 6 years at Alcon Tool Company this has never happened. Strangely, I don't recall hearing of it ever happening to anyone else either. Quite interesting if you ask me. I am a mover and a shaker. That is what we are doing... moving plant 2 into a recently purchased building. Doug told me this week when he asked me to come in to help that we would work today, start at 6am and most likely be done around 2:30. Well, I left at 4:13 and we still weren't done. So, the plan is to finish tomorrow. Why the rush, you may wonder. My dad (he runs the joint) has been in Ireland for the past 9 days. Apparently, his only request was that the job would be done by the time he got back. Originally, it was scheduled to be done last Saturday, but the event was rescheduled for today because of the mass amount of snow that was present in Akron last weekend. Funny, there was even more snow today. Yeah, it was rediculous. Because we didn't finish today, we have to finish tomorrow, so that the job will be done on Monday morning when the boss returns to work. Nice. Working on a Sunday.

It is strange that I just complained about working on a Sunday. When I still worked at Starbucks I almost never got Sunday, or Saturday for that matter, off. It is interesting to note how things change. I am rambling. I must stop now.

Today's Epiphany.

2005-03-11T12:34:00.000-05:00

This morning, I got up and went to work. Recently, I have been suffering from an unusual problem (maybe not for you, but certainly for me). When I go to bed at night, I set my alarm, take off my glasses, and put in my retainers. Well, in the morning, my alarm goes off, I reach back, turn it off than go directly back to sleep. This is not good. It has caused me much trouble in the going to work aspect of my life. I told Erin last night that I need to start using a different sort of alarm system. We pondered over it back and forth, than she found brilliance. It went something like this. "What if you had to wake me up in the morning? Would that be enough to get you out of bed?" I thought for a second and replied, "Yes, I am sure that that most certainly would work." She said, "Alright, we will try it tomorrow, but if you don't get up, I sure as hell am not going to get up, so you will have to call my work and explain to them why I will be there late." I said, "Fine."

So, this morning we tried it. Success! I got out of bed... On time no less... Got dressed, did the various bathroom tasks, started my car, got the coffee, than went and woke Erin up. I felt that it was a beautiful thing. I think that she would agree, being that the alarm has never been her friend. I hope that after a few more days of this, it will no longer be necessary and I will be able to return to my old alarm system.

At work, I was assigned to the lovely task of running a lathe. It was just like old times. Well, you know how I get to do excessive amounts of thinking when I am running a lathe, so I thought. Two things occurred to me. Now, they seem rather trivial, but at the time, they were quite profound. 1. I am not almost completely certain that Randy Dixon is afraid of me. This is funny because (1) he is the plant manager and therefore my boss, and (2) because I have given him no reason whatsoever to be afraid of me. 2. I love the old men, but there are 3 old me in particular that I love the most. They are as follows: Butch Kelly, John Williams, and Jerry Regalis. They are all swell, and you should take some time to get to know them yourself.

That is all, thank you for your time.

Something new.

2005-03-08T18:01:00.000-05:00

I am trying something new. Capitalization! I am not sure how it will go, but I think that it is a step in a positive direction. Why, you may wonder, this change? My not capitalizing in my emailing, blogging, and various internet usage has become quite a problem in other areas of my life. Particularly, it is becoming a problem in my educational life. The problem is paper writing. I hope that developing this new habit will mend the problem.

Side note, my roommate just got her hair cut. Chopped off, drastically. She just got home, and well, she is freaking out. You wonder to what extent she is freaking out. Beer. She is drinking a beer. Yes, I must go and console now.

Thoughts.

2005-03-08T17:53:00.000-05:00

Often times I wonder if life ever stops changing. I sit and look at the transitions I have been going through lately. I think, all I have to do is get through these changes, and than everything will be just fine. All will move back into a state of normalcy. That is how I have been dealing with things lately. It gets me through the moments of difficulty. Recently, I have been looking at my life from a different angle. That has spurred me to wonder if the changes and transitioning will ever stop. Maybe life is a constant state of change. If that be the case, than I am certainly looking at my life in the wrong way.

One of my favorite quotes several years ago, stated by Karen Kaiser Clarke, was "Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely." I had not thought about that quote in quite some time. I think that it is simply, but profoundly true. Based on my thoughts of my life through the ideas brought on by that adage, I am going to approach some things differently.

There is nothing that I can do about the changes that I am going through, all that I can do is make the best of them in the moment that I am experiencing them. Than walk through the struggles that come out of them, attempting to learn and grow. It is through that potential growth that who I am and my life will be shaped. Through those challenges, maybe I will learn to avoid certain decisions in the future. Through that, maybe my life will be more constant, less tumultuous, or more 'normal.' As Bono and U2 put it, I must "walk on."

On a less deep note, I still haven't gone to the winking lizard! That means that I still haven't gotten my beer of the month, or the glass that it comes in. People, this distresses me. It is already march 8th! If I don't get on this real quick like, than I am going to miss out altogether. They do often times run out. Really, I just don't have a good feeling about the likelihood of my getting a bass glass.

I have never had a job that one received bonus' for their work. I don't really understand the whole process, but I think that it has to be a good thing. My roommate (Molnar) got a bonus yesterday. It is funny. She has been at this new law office for just over a month. Two weeks after she started, she got a spa day (well the whole office got a spa day, but that is not the point). What does a spa day entail, you ask. Well, first of all, they got the entire day off work. Than, they got full access to a fitness facility (though, many chose not to use it). A quality restaurant style lunch was provided for all. As if that isn't enough, they also got a full body massage, manicures, and pedicures! That is right, and no, they didn't have to pay a thing. Ridiculous. Back to the bonus thing... Yesterday Molnar comes home and says, "I got a bonus today! I got gift cards to giant eagle. Guess how much it was for!?" At this point I was thinking, you have got to be kidding me, they just got a spa day... And now this. Than I realized that she actually wanted me to guess how much money she was given to giant eagle. So I thought of some extreme number. "$500." I said. Molnar's response, "No. $1000!" That was when I peed my pants. Ridiculous.

The positive, aside from the fact that Molnar probably wont have to pay for her groceries for a year, I too will benefit from this. I often times have this issue of paying for my friends. This is just great, except, I do it way to often. We are talking to the point that I have no money. Well, Molnar has benefited from this generosity on many, many occations. Now, I get to be the one that doesn't pay! Yeah for me! Aren't you just so excited?!

it can't just be nice.

2005-03-03T16:39:00.000-05:00

i have been summoned to post a recent picture of myself. the issue with this is that one has to have a recent picture of themself to post it. and well, i dont. i will try to get on top of that (for who ever you are), but dont hold your breath.

as prementioned, i went to see ani last night. when it was all over, i almost peed my pants i was so excited. it was possibly the best show i have ever seen. the audience was swell, she is an outstanding preformer, and well, her opener was great too. i told molnar that i wanted her to meet, date, and marry this young man andrew bird. he was real good and real cute.

sadly though, the night can never just be great, there is always something. the first problem was that it was blizzarding outside when we were driving up there, and well lakewood is nearly an hour away to begin with. needless to say, we didnt go to winking lizard, so i didnt get my bass. it was even more frustrating because we probably would have had time to go to dinner, but it was almost 7:30 and 7:30 was when andrew bird was supposed to go on. we wanted to see him, so we didnt get food. than, he didnt go on until 8:30. i dont know what that was about, but it was annoying. to make matters worse, there was no reentry. so for the hour that we were sitting there waiting for the show to start, we were unable to smoke. now let me tell you, a hungry colleen is bad enough to deal with, but a hungry and not allowed to smoke colleen... yikes. it aint pretty. i felt a little better about it though, because molnar was hungry and not allowed to smokey either, so she was wearing her cranky pants too.

but the show was great, and all the grumpies went away when it started. so all was well, it ended. we got in the car, started home, and than molnar checked her voicemail. well folks, it looks as though it is a possibility that i will be moving again. to make a long story short... endres is dating the mean boy again (you know the one... likes to hit her and threaten her friends... yeah that one). there was an episode with me and him at my house on tuesday night (please understand that he was told by his probation officer that he isnt allowed on our property, and that we would be calling the police if he was there). well, he was there, i asked him nicely to leave. he said no. i asked him again, and than i called the police. bottome line, endres doesnt feel that she can live here and date jesse at the same time, so she is moving out. she told us last night. sad i know. the problem is this, we (as in molar and i) are not sure how barry (our landlord) is going to handle the whole situation. so we will wait and see.

that is all. now i am really going to the winking lizard.

answering some questions.

2005-03-02T17:28:00.000-05:00

i have been summoned to give more information in regard to the wilco show.

jeff tweedy is beautiful. john stirritt is gorgeous. i am in love with these men. sadly, they are both married. even worse, happily married. did i get to meet them, face to face, no. it wasnt because the bob weber conection let me down though. because wilco had an opener that we had no interest in seeing, we arrived at the show a bit late. mind you, it was in time for wilco. however, i should have looked for jason the sound man before the show, thus because i was not there, i was unable to find jason the sound man.

the issue was this. the house of blues uses their own sound guys. therefore, jason was running around backstage doing other various things for the band. when the show was over, and all the people cleared out, i approached the sound men. i explained to him my situation, and he said, "oh well, i will run backstage for you, and find jason. i am sure that he would be all about running out here to meet you and take you backstage. what is your name again? and who do you know that jason knows? okay, i will be back in just a minute." so we wait. several minutes later, the friendly sound man returns. "well, i went back there, but i couldnt find him. i talked to one of the other guys and he said that things are real crazy back there right now. but if you guys want to chill here for a while, than i will go back in a minute and see if i can find him." i said, "well, thanks for checking it out. we will sit around here for a while." so we waited. sadly, after about 15 minutes, security kicked us out. and that is how the story goes.

yeah, so guess what... tonight i am going to an ani difranco show. front row... in the pit... yes, i know you are jealous. hopefully, the fans at this particular venue will be a bit more respectful of the artist and the people that are actually there to see the artist. i am getting spoiled here kids. we are talking 2 outstanding shows in less than a week. i might explode. i think that my new favorite thing is going to concerts. did i mention to you that i am going to bonnaroo in june? yes, well, i am.

i got the new jack johnson cd yesterday, only moments after it was released. it is terrific. he is a pretty boy too. and again, he is married. i just can never win.

the police were at my house last night. i dialed 911 last night. that is all. i am going to eat dinner at the winking lizard now. march 2nd... new beer of the month... have to get the glass. i have a problem yes. it is bass... what fun!

dysfunctional.

2005-03-01T21:23:00.000-05:00

i slept 2.5 hours last night. i am not kidding, this is true, no more, no less. i went to bed at 2:43am. i woke up at 5:15am. i had to be at work at 6am. i woke up merner, gave her her coffee, smoked a cigarette, and sped (excessively) to work. i walked in the door at 6am. this is unusual for me. i used to get there between 5:30 and 5:45. it was strange.

you may wonder why i got so little sleep. i was helping a friend. i try to be helpful like that. i like to think that my friends would do the same for me if the roles were reversed. it makes me feel good. these reprocussions however, are not fun.

molnar went back to sleep until 6:45. i worked until 9:15, went home, showered, went to class from 10:45-1:30. went to target, bought the new jack johnson cd. mailed a letter, bought starbucks, than went to pick molnar up at work. she had to turn in her application to the assitantship in her masters program. she didnt know where the building was, so i took her. than i went to my parents for dinner. did some school stuff. came home, washed the dishes, folded my laundry. and now i am sitting here. completely incapable of sleeping. my hands are shaking, my brain in racing a mile a minute, and i cant keep my eyes open. i have to work tomorrow from 6am-noon. than i have to come home, shower, go to school and give a speech.

how has my life entered this state? i feel as though i am falling apart. someone help me please.